Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

I'm confused about my personality and unsure what I want in life, any advice?

I am a 21 year old black male. in high school, I was your average teen; I had a good group of friends, but there were some people that made fun of me.

I took it more seriously than I should have and got angry with myself for not being "cool" or accepted enough.

But, it still got to me because it was personal. I was called crackhead on the wrestling team because of something stupid someone said to me. I was called monkey face behind my back by this one guy didn't even know him really.

This other guy called me "boring"

But it really got to me when people started calling me white boy; this was by people who were white themselves, like 7 different people!. They said I hung around white people too much, was confused about my personality, acted "white", like wtf? and these are WHITE people saying this. I was cool with black people even though I didn't have any black "friends".

It's like I didn't know who I was, or where I fit in.

This one girl said, I don't know how you'll survive in college if you're so wtf I'm not quiet, I just didn't have anything to say to you...

How can you be yourself and still care about what people think especially if people keep saying $hit? When in Rome do as the Romans do, right?

Who are you without some kind of external validation?

Who are you if you're not accepted for who you are? A nobody?

In high school I got angry with myself about the teasing and I became unsure of myself.

I failed my first year of college, went home and took a job as an assistant manager with my family's business. when that closed, I became an armored truck guard with Dunbar.

I'm stuck,I don't know how to make my life how I want it, I don't want to be wondering what I'm doing with my life until I'm 50. how can I find out what I want?, because I don't know.

6 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You need to start defining yourself instead of letting the opinion of others have any sway in who you are. You are the sole definer of your personality and destiny, no one else.

    Let people say whatever it is they want to say, have a strong opinion of who you are: your strengths, your weaknesses, everything and always focus on improving yourself.

    People come and go but you must always live with yourself, you must become your own bestfriend, and you must conquer the fear of other people's thoughts.

    And don't worry about not knowing where to go in life, no one knows what they are doing. We are all just in the same boat following the pursuit of happiness. The only difference is the environments we were born into. Check out this video, listen to it many times a day if you have to, i find it encouraging and true.

    Youtube thumbnail

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  • 3 years ago

    I'm so sorry you were treated like that in high school. Especially about all the racist comments. I love when I see people of various races be friends. I don't understand why people would be so negative to you. It makes me sick. I'm really seeing things differently than I have in a long time. I'm white and thought for a long time that people exaggerated their experiences with racism but I'm learning I was wrong over the years. I think I was blinded by my own negative experience (I was actually severely bullied for being white in a mostly Hispanic school) and I saw the world as hostile and angry to me for my race and assumed other races had more "power because of what I experienced in my small sphere. I realized over time that's happened legitimately to all people of all races and I wasn't going to invalidate people anymore like they did me. Racism doesn't just suck. It hurts. I'm curious how your life has panned out since I noticed this was several years ago.

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  • Lisa
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Do not abort this baby if you are already feeling like you need to keep it. You do not want to live with that kind of guilt and regret. Especially when you were the one who knowingly had unprotected sex. There is also adoption though, never forget to look into that option. Sorry to be honest, but your boyfriend sounds like an unfit father, and a guy you probably shouldn't even be with. Roller coaster relationships rarely make it in the end. Do not think for one second that he wont ditch out on you if he has another kid out there that he barely even sees... that's a bad sign in itself. I think what you need to do is plan on keeping this baby and preparing yourself for it, and taking a big look at your relationship and decide if it's best for you child to have this man around.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Dude. You let high school get to your head. I enjoyed high school alot. I'm latin and I hung around chicks alot. Had lots of girl friends and it didn't bother me if people thought i was gay or not, My friends knew I wasn't. sure helped me to know how to talk to girls and be comfortable unlike the guys who would spend time to talking ****. Seriously. You are who you are. Find something you take pride in and get on with it. Who cares you are 21, and I am just turning 23 and I'm perfectly fine for being who I am. People love me for it. I found that confidence to accept myself. Yea doubt happens about identity. That goes away quickly just as it came. Email me at

    lets chop it up =)


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  • 1 decade ago

    Hello Naj Somtaaw, first what happens to you happens to all of us ... nothing bad special to you ... keep that in mind ... this is just something happens in life ... and because everything mean something ... you said that you are quit ... because you don't find words to say in the situation ... I see if this is part of you ... that means you care about another important thing in life ... and in that thing you talk all the day ... with anybody ... I see you don't like the empty words people always say in our daily life ... but because we are living in social world ... we have to say some words ... because people feel that we are not accept them if we don't talk to them ... I know that you don't like the talk it self not the people ... but people don't understand that ...

    and just by talking to them in any way ... they will feel good about you and because you accept them.

    see friend ... all of us are the same ... need the same thing ... love, acceptance, fun, benefits, happiness ... thing about give anything you have to the group ... then the equation will start to going well.

    1. be yourself, but just be aware when you are in a group ... let the flow exchange between you and your group. show to the group that you are accept them & sure they will accept you ... but always have self confidence.

    2. live is so good, what happens to you happens to all of us ... take it easy.

    3. experience comes from pain more that from fun ... and that makes you stronger.

    4. the impact of the Sport in our lives is unbelievable ... in our social life ... study ... family ... all areas ... choose sport to do ... or continue the one you already do ... I personally do Bodybuilding, cycling, running ... the sport is the Key ... don't lose it.

    5. whatever your religion or believe is ... I advice you talking to God .. he created us, he cares about.

    I'm here for any future advice my Friend .... Best life for you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Dude just need to relax....(aka don't give a damn f..k)..ok sorry maybe not that radical ...but in my opinion you just have focus more on one thing at a time ... don't consume your energy with negative thoughts or tryng to be somebody you'r not ... just do your thing, whatever that is...and try to do it for example study!!...dude!! study!!! and other things will come around but first stop stop worrying about stupid nonsense. You need to be more confident about your "skills" about who you are... forget about this matter it's about you and you only... hpe this helps....:D

    Source(s): ME..:D
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