Will drinking help reduce my shyness and increase my confidence?
I can socialize within my comfort zone during class, but when it comes to lunch/recess, I have a serious problem. I'm not sure who I should go up to or to hang with. What really sucks is that in my class just before lunch, although I am cool with most of the people in there (although I'm pretty quiet) I don't have any real friends that I would like to eat lunch with. So that just makes it more difficult for someone like me.
Now I met this one guy whos cool, and I saw him and his girlfriend in the lunch line and my excuse for talking to them was, "hey have you seen my brother?" and they were like he runs to lunch first and then I asked if I could sit with them and they were like sure... I kinda knew his gf already.
I sat with them the 3rd and 4th days of school. The first 2 days I didn't eat lunch, just hung in the bleachers of the gym, and was introduced to a few people. Now on the 5th day of school, I was miserable because when I walked out of class to goto lunch, I was afraid to go up to them in the line for like no reason at all... I'm just miserably paranoid. I was thinking that they might ignore me or something... even though I had talked to the guy in class a couple hours before and it was cool. I just have stupid fears of ****... and it makes me depressed. I just went sit on a bench outside alone. It made me miserably depressed. There are just a few people I know that I would like to go talk to, but I'm too... scared/shy/whatever. I got so depressed that I called home and left school right after lunch. This happened twice. I'm afraid I drop out of school.
But the wierd thing is, no one understands why I was alone. They seem to think (and someone even told me this) that I actually like to be a loner. I guess they figured I got along with everyone so why the **** was I by myself? I make myself depressed. It is stupid. But I will never get over it by myself; never have. But I'm pretty sure that a little drink at school will help. Hell, I'm getting a friend to buy me some vodka next weekend. But, this week, I will have to try it completely sober.
I just hope I can survive... lol.