I'm pregnant and my boyfriend does not want to get married I don't know what to do?

Just to give some background my boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years and living together for nearly 2. We have plans on getting married, he says I'm the love of his life, we talk about our future family, etc.

So I just found out I'm pregnant and he doesn't want to get married but we were shopping one day and he actually bought a ring and then bitched the entire afternoon about it. He just kept saying he's not happy about it, he's not going to be fake, he doesn't want to talk about it anymore, etc. and I practically had a nervous breakdown and I guess between him being so hurtful, my hormones, and the fact that I had stopped my antidepressants cause I was scared for the baby I guess I just got so overwhelmed and trapped and sad for myself and the baby that I ended up overdosing and being taken to the ICU. Now he wants to break up because he says he doesn't trust me and he's too hurt by what I did and traumatized to marry me now and even though I told him I'm having an abortion on tuesday because he doesn't love me or our child enough to marry me he still doesn't care...

I'm so confused and hurt and need some advice. I'm only 24 and I feel like I'm trapped and yes I shouldn't have been playing house if I werent ready for the consequences but the problem is that I feel I've been LIED to about his intentions with me...why buy the cow if you get the milk for free may be true so I guess I'm moving out and leaving this weekend but I am just so scared of having another nervous breakdown...


Just to clear things up it wasn't to make him marry me that would be sick. He made me feel so bad about the baby I was hoping it would force a miscarriage which I know is still sick but I thought it's what he wanted. I have since gone back on my medication.

11 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Best Answer

    You are really in a bad situation, and you are likely to make it worse rather than better. You need to shed all the feelings and emotions and face reality. The reality is that guys are all too ready to shack up with a willing female, which is why most cultures have a fundamental rule that marriage comes first. We all know that, but the hormones get in the way, so we rationalize and do what we want that feels good (for a while) until it feels bad. The pressures of all that do cause many to take medications to maintain some control. It just becomes a vicious circle, or downward spiral with the first "trip wire" such as having a baby that is unplanned and, thus, likely to be unloved and resented. You may yet make headlines unless you get help. It is not he who needs anything, as your boyfriend has it made since the baby is not in his body.

    You do not mention your parents, the people who would be your best supporters in most cases, if they are available not messed up themselves. Unfortunately, either kids take after their parents in being messed up or they rebel against their parents for trivial reasons and end up living with a dud who really would rather avoid responsibility.

    The good news is that you are 22 and that your body will be done developing in a couple of years, at least the part that counts in these situations, the brain. It keeps developing until you are 25, so I always say you can't talk to some kids and get anywhere between the ages of 15 and 25. Been there myself, unfortunately.

    Shed the past and look to the future. Focus on saving the baby and learning how to be responsible and in control of your life. Easy for me to say -- indeed. Your problem -- you have to take it on. I can only suggest that you find someone who will help you find a way to make it through this pregnancy, then give up the baby to someone who will take care of it. That is not likely to be you if you simply based on your statements in this question. If you would kill yourself, you would kill your child, and if you think you have challenges now, wait until you have a baby wanting to get fed all hours of the day and night.

    Unfortunately you are the victim of a society that gave up personal responsibility training for its younger generations. Babies such as yours pay for that, more than you. Again, focus on what you can do that is right in the future and forget about all that is wrong with your past. If your boyfriend "lied" it really does not matter anymore, and you have no defense for your past lack of responsibility and good sense. Life is a lot harder than it looks, especially in your situation, but it gets a lot better for those who make it to the other side of the valley.

    If your mother is around, get her help. If any other relatives, get their help. Be humble and be sincere about what you need to do. There are many charitable organizations that will help, including most churches. They will help you without condemning you too much.

  • 10 years ago

    Getting married just because your pregnant is not okay at all. I can speak from experience because im living in a marriage based on a pregnancy and we are both miserable. We had always talked about gettin married but we pushed it when i got pregnant after 2 years of us dating. Wrong decision!! As long as he helps out I wouldn't pressure him into getting married. And by the way, please don't have an abortion. That is a precious baby in there! I'm not being rude, I promise. It just breaks my heart for someone to take a pregnancy for granted. Some people can't have kids!

    Source(s): Mama to 5 month old baby girl
  • 10 years ago

    Wow. Honestly, I think I would've done the same thing. I can't believe he would buy a ring and complain all afternoon about it, as if you made the baby by yourself.

    I think that you should wait on things. Don't have an abortion just to get even with him. He has a right to be angry at you for ODing on meds. But, seriously, he is an ***. I would move out and start getting my **** together. For the record, I feel lied to as well in terms of intentions. Don't call him or anything after you move out. Let him contact YOU. He'll want to know what you're doing with his baby. You tell him straight up that you don't need him to marry you, and you don't need him at all. Tell him if he wants to be part of your lives, he can make a sincere effort to be a family. This may mean getting back together, moving back in together, or getting married. But, maybe you'd like to hold out a bit... you know? If he wants you to move back in, tell him that you won't be doing that because you don't want to live with someone who wants the milk for free. Maybe he'll grow up a bit. Anyway, take care of yourself. His attitude is not permanent... and so, you shouldn't do anything permanent either.

  • 4 years ago

    The fact that you guys were together 7 years and not engaged speaks volumes. He obviously wasn't ready for marriage. Now that the situation is complicated by a new baby doesn't change that. Let him know that this hurts you and you would like to be married. But at the same time be realistic. There is a chance that marriage is not for you guys. Focus on the baby, enjoy being a mother and if he doesn't marry in a year, move on with your life.

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  • 10 years ago

    You are 24. Which means your an adult. Dump the loser of a boyfriend. He does not want to be with you and he does not want the baby because it would mean he is stuck with you for 18 more years. Flat out that is what he is saying without coming out and saying it to you.

    You need to speak to your doctor about your meds. There are plenty of anti depressants that are safe to be taken while pregnant (I know because I am on them) no matter what you say to this boy it won't make him love you or his child. He is a peice of dirt and not worth your time! I don't know why every woman thinks their man is different. Do not have unprotected sex if your not married! Children do not make men all of a sudden want to be married.

    Source(s): ☆ 40 weeks 1 day pregnant ☆ 24 year old happily married.
  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Look, im in a similiar situation. I live with a verbually and emmotionally abusive boyfriend that will not marry me, and tells me how awful i am everyday to him. But I do have a little girl with him and a little boy on the way. ANd she is the light of my life and this boy will be to. I would never end a childs life that is was blessed to be pregnant with because i felt it would please a boyfriend that didn't want it. I wouldn't know what to do if i didn't have my little girl now. She is the reason i get up everyday and I am able to move on. And the reason i will find strength to get away from him. Dont feel sorry for yourself and dont expect him to feel sorry for you either. Yeah, it hurts but you deserve so much more than that. SOmeone that would be there to support you. You don't need him, and you would be doing yourself a favor to get out of the relationship. Ive been told to get out of HIS house and that he never intended on staying with me this long and that he sure didn't want to have kids with me, and that he even hates me one minute to him being loving. But i don't let it get to me as bad as I could. I just look at it as that he is the one with issues and needs help, not me. That there is someone that would love me for me, and would be happy with me. ANd you have to look at it that way. But don't ever hurt yourself or your child over a man. TRUST ME THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT. ANd they never will be. With a child its hard work and is trying at times, but its a love you will never know until youre holding them the first time. And you will never be alone again with that child as long as you do right by it.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    You do not sound very happy at all.

    I would think about leaving your boyfriend/fiance and think long and hard about the baby. If you decide you are ready to do this (possibly on your own), then keep her and seek counseling during your pregnancy. Otherwise, if you dont want to or feel you cannot raise a baby, I would go through the pregnancy and put her up for adoption rather than have an abortion.

    Good luck to you.

  • 10 years ago

    Ditch the guy, he is toxic. You have to be strong now. This is not about you. This is about the baby and you already mucked that up a bit. I hope you did not do permanent damage to the kid. Try not to think too far into the future. Everyday you wake up, just tell yourself, " I have to be strong enough to get through today." If you start to feel overwhelmed then close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose slowly. This is about your baby. It is you that is responsible for this life inside you. You can do this, and you do not need HIM.

  • 10 years ago

    Trying to kill your self or your baby to make your boyfriend feel guilty is WRONG.

    You can't make someone love you. I suggest you seek some sort of mental health counseling.

  • 10 years ago

    Your 24, not 15! You are old enough to have a baby. No need to get married. Plus abortion is just wrong!

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