Girlfriend wanting to transfer from University of Idaho to UNM?

I'm trying to help my gf out in any way because she is wanting to come back to UNM (santa fe is her hometown, 1 hour away from UNM, New Mexico) I am a senior in higschool her boyfriend about to graduate and going to UNM next year for college, out of state isnt an option for me right now because of money so in state is just easier for now. She is a freshman this year and is in a sorority at U of I (Idaho) where she is there studying for her major in fashion. It has become very true to her that she is just not happy there with the sorority, living in Moscow, Idaho, and isnt too sure about her program there and is still open to try new things but she more than likely really wants to stay with fashion. There was a point where she had to tell her parents about her coming back to state to go to college at UNM because she is just so unhappy up there, and her parents think its a stupid career choice, and that she's ONLY coming back to be with me (which its NOT, she has other reasons as well) the long distance relationship is hard and we don't know if we can do it next year, but we work so well and have been dating for a long time and do NOT want to break up, we love each other a lot and have been through so much, breaking up at not our own choice would be horrible. So her parents will not pay for her to come back, so she's stuck with paying to come back by herself (with help of some scholarships, and loans) but the problem is UNM does not have her degree which is why her parents feel it is stupid career wise (which in some cases it is true) but happiness is more important right now to her, and her reasons to come back are NOT just because of me, she wants to be in a bigger town (Albuquerque) her best friend is coming back to UNM so they could live together at college next year, she is homesick and wants to be closer to home, she hates the sorority and doesn't want to start over again next year (socially) if she leaves the sorority (which she will more than likely be doing) so happiness wise she will be happier coming back here, but that is fine with her parents if she does decide to, she will just have to pay for it (which will be kinda hard but she will have the in state tuition and etc. to help out) and also her parents will NOT for pay for her to go to FIT (fashion institute of tech. in New York) which is her dream but very very hard to get into, especially without a good resume which she needs to build up. She just isnt happy there, but here parents wont pay for her to leave and come here, anywhere else they will except here (UNM), but there is no other schools close to home that would work for her so she will be stuck there (Idaho) with hope to go to FIT in a few years which her parents will pay for, but they wont if she comes back here. So what is something she can do, any ideas? happiness here at home with family friends and me, and a good school (without her program) but she would be getting basics out of the way and trying new classes like she wanted to do. Or does she stay miserable at Idaho (without her friends and family and no relationship) with a hard chance of still getting into FIT in the later years?? Im being supportive. I want to be with her, and just need advice on things she can do that will help her to come back to UNM? please help and no negative comments. we love each other and need help in things we can do in making the right choice and still hopefully being together.


3 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yes - it does matter whether a student is happy where they attend school. In exactly the same way that a miserable work environment would make an employee unproductive, a miserable school environment will make a student unproductive, as well. In fact, in a student's case, the close connection between social and school (living on or near campus) can actually exacerbate the unhappiness. At least when you have a crappy job, you can get in your car at the end of the day, and drive back to your house in the suburbs.

    That being said - I'm not utterly convinced that your girlfriend has given Idaho a fair shake, either. She's homesick, like 99% of all students who chose to go away from home, she misses you, she misses her other friends, and she misses home. I would honestly suggest that it takes many students more than a year to "fit in" and find their way around a new home. If you're determined not to find that fit, you're stacking the deck to make sure that you don't.

    Yes, your girlfriend can get her basics in anywhere - which is why many students would probably be better served at a community college. But you're kind of contradicting yourself when you say that her dream is to attend FIT in downtown New York City. First we're told that she's miserable away from you and all of her friends, and then you say, "Oh, but she knows that her dream is to move clear across the country to the largest city in the United States." You told us that you can't afford out-of-state tuition (no surprise there), so I'm thinking that there's way that you're following her to New York, which is also one of the most expensive cities in the world.

    If FIT is so hard to get into - it's not because they're looking for "geniuses" with good grades in the general distribution courses that all college students have to take - it's because they're looking for high-potential design talents. Nothing about Intro Psych, Spanish, English Comp and College Math are going to get her into FIT - so from that perspective, she's better off at a school that DOES offer a fashion program, so that she can at least get a few elective design-related courses under her belt - if this is really all about getting to New York.

    There's some reason that her mom and dad want to see her go to Idaho - and it's a bit of a puzzler to me, because parents aren't normally keen on paying much higher out-of-state rates. I read your lengthy dissertation on all of this, and I didn't see any mention of why her parents are so anxious to pay more and have her move far away. They'll even pay for her to go to FIT - which is going to cost a lot more than Idaho, before this is all over.

    You're going to have to think long and hard about whether you and your girlfriend want to look a gift horse in a mouth, and turn down what sounds like a free education - in exchange for having your g/f run up big student loans - that will be an albatross around her neck for years to come - around yours, too. You don't really want to start your together years in debt - it'll affect where you live, what kind of cars you drive, and what kind of life you'll have together. There's also a very real likelihood that moving back to NM will significantly lessen the chances that she achieves her lifelong dream of getting to FIT. One, she'll have a near impossible time paying for it on her own (you can dream about scholarships, but that's too long of a shot to count on), two, she'll still have to leave you behind to go to New York (which last I checked is a HECK of a lot farther away from Albuquerque than Moscow, Idaho), and three, nothing she does at UNM is going to improve her chances of getting into FIT - something that can't be said about the fashion opportunities she might have at Idaho.

    Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    This is something she needs to think long and hard about. Does she want to be happy (going to UNM) or financially secure and stay in Idaho? If she does go to UNM she could get student loans that will help her pay for housing along with tuition. Accumulating loans can be risky though. Its easy to rack up thousands of dollars worth of loans. If she moves back, is living on her own and her parents do not claim her as a dependent on their taxes she may qualify based on income for grants and scholarships.

  • 4 years ago

    make an effort and man up, don't be such a geek, go to partys to meet girls, get drunk, get them drunk and voila!

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