Can someone please help me revise this prologue? 10 points!!?

Okay, so I'm not so great at describing things and making them sound real so I would really appreciate some help on editing this prologue. It's really important to the story and I just can't write it right. I don't want to contact someone through email or anything. I just need someone to give me... show more Okay, so I'm not so great at describing things and making them sound real so I would really appreciate some help on editing this prologue. It's really important to the story and I just can't write it right. I don't want to contact someone through email or anything. I just need someone to give me some tips on how to rewrite it and definitely some detailed examples. I would really appreciate it! Thanks!! The longer the answer the better!


A woman stood amidst a burning village with a hunter green cloak hung loosely over her body. She was gripping an infant wrapped in a blanket and praying quietly. “Rebecca!” She jumped in fear at the voice but it was immediately washed away when she recognized who it belonged to.

“Richard,” she breathed, the dirt and tears causing her face to look darker than its usual pale complexion. The baby in her arms shifted slightly and both of them looked down at it.

“She can’t stay here,” Richard said.

“I don’t want to leave her.” Her voice was barely audible.

“Rebecca, you know what will happen if she stays. I don’t want to leave her either but we have to.” His voice sounded urgent now as he glanced around. “They’re coming.”

There were shouts in the distance and he put his hands on her shoulders. “Go now. You have to get her away from here.” He turned to leave but she gripped at his arm weakly.

“What about you? I can’t lose both of you.” Her bright green eyes stared at him pleadingly.

He cupped her face in his hands. “This is for our daughter. I have to go fight for our daughter and you need to do the same.” He kissed Rebecca on the forehead and then did the same to the baby who was still sound asleep. “Go.”

She reluctantly turned and ran as fast as her legs would allow her to. She held the baby close to her chest, knowing this was probably the last time she would get to hold her. She made her way down the narrow steps that led from the castle and towards the vine wall, the vine wall that would aid in saving her daughter’s life.

Hope streamed into her chest like a river when the vine wall appeared over the hills like a massive safety mark. She took the steps two at a time when another pair of feet suddenly echoed behind hers. Her stomach dropped unevenly when something heavy slammed against her back. She stumbled forward and was sent rolling down the steps.

She covered the baby with her body as each step she hit sent pain shooting through her entire body. Her head slammed on the last concrete step he hit something soft and laid there until she heard the footsteps echoing behind her again. Rebecca heaved herself up off of the ground while wincing in pain and realized the vine wall had stopped her fall. With one last look at her burning city she grabbed the vine wall and murmured the place she wanted to go, hoping that at least her daughter would not remember this event.
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