Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 10 years ago

What do you think of my facebook status observations/jokes? Funny?

The Wisdom of Fish

A collection of witty observations in the form of Facebook statuses

By Fish Stark

Attention to the people with To Write Love on her Arms--if you really want to prevent suicide, change your goddamn name. Nothing makes me want to kill myself more than when I see someone start a sentence with a preposition.

TV news is like a bunch of faux chocolates carved out of soap. You never know what you're gonna get, but you're gonna hate it and it'll leave a bad taste in your mouth.

All right. If my little brother thinks his walkie-talkie can reach to Mexico and wants to sing "Love Game" to all the imaginary Mexicans, fine. Let him. At least he's not doing drugs. Or singing Miley Cyrus songs to the imaginary Mexicans.

Political Party Decoder: Democrat: Peace. Love. Butterflies. Republican: Money. God. Money. Libertarian: Too much of a miser to be a democrat, not racist enough to be a republican. Green: Like a democrat, but smokes more pot. Independent: Too dumb to figure out what side they belong on.

Well, NBC network executives, you have dug yourselves into a huge hole. Based on what stupid people who have dug themselves into huge holes have done recently, you have three options: Go to jail, fade completely into the background, or get a job with FOX News.

Gosh, anti-smoking groups. If you keep running the ad with the cute little girl who asks her daddy to stop smoking, how do you expect to get to the misogynists?

I got 200 fans on my facebook writer fan page and was feeling like the king of the world. Then my little brother came up to me and asked "Why do you have a third nipple? It looks weird." Not so kingly anymore.

Just saw a bratty kid abusing her nanny. I used to feel proud at the fact that in this country, any kid can become president. Now it scares me.

After being hurt badly this season by Jay Leno's failing show, NBC decides to move him back to where he originally was so he can't hurt them any more. I can think of other groups that should follow the example. You heard me, republican party. Move Sarah Palin back to Alaska.

University of Maryland University College. Most popular major: Redundancy.

I'm pretty sure that the play I'm writing is the only play ever written that uses the phrases 'blasphemous bench' and 'Satan lives in Finland?'

Just heard my little brother talking about sex. He knows a lot more than I did at 8--Back then, I thought sex was like President Bush, because Mommy and Daddy didn't like to talk about either.

I agree with Dad on important issues like healthcare, the war, abortion, and so on. But I don't think we'll ever be able to agree on whether you should eat fish sticks with your fork or your fingers.

back to school and its unrealistic expectations. In baseball, 35% is good. In Vegas, 65% is good. What the hell does terming 'good' as 90% teach us about real life?

I always thought that God was judgemental. Then I watched Supernanny.

Dear 60-year-old women on the beach--I am quite aware that you, just like everyone else in the world, have a butt. You may now proceed to the gift shop and buy a larger bikini, for chrissakes.

Dear publishers--why must you put the painfully obvious words 'a novel' on the cover of all your novels? Do you seriously think someone is going to mistake 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' for a cookbook? Silly publishers.

Tsk tsk, people who make Chantix commercials. You may have fooled SOME people with that disclaimer under your ex-smoker testimonial 'Lisa' that said 'Lisa is not an actor'. But you can't fool me. I know that women can't be actors. They're actresses. Silly Chantix.

Of this I am certain: 99% of girls exist to monopolize or distract and steal the 1% I want to talk to.

Started reading 'Chicken Soul for the Teen Soul'. The stories therein were so sad and pathetic that I have decided to write a parody--or maybe even a whole book of them! Picture a series of heartwarming stories told from a detention facility by varios juvinile delinquents. I'll call it 'Chicken Soup that the Teen Stole'.

Is working on his one-act play, A Very Bad Idea. It's a tale of love, friendship, courage, faith, and looking for porn in the school library.

Note to populace: Cucumbers are NOT, repeat NOT, cheap green contacts. They are food. Food is not for putting on your eyes, food is for consumption via the mouth. You cannot eat cucumbers with your eyes. Silly populace.

Noticed that people make a lot of impulse purchases at the register--tabloids and candy and whatnot. Why don't supermarkets pick up on the register-impulse-purchase phenomenon and replace the $1.50 candy bars with $150 digital cameras?

My little brother was doing some smack-talk with waves on the beach. I spent the afternoon trying to explain to him that the waves could not hear him calling them 'marshmallow crap' and 'lollipop urine', nor were they about to respond to his allegations that they were trying to sell him d

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago
    Best Answer

    HOLY CRAP, this is the most interesting thing I've read on Yahoo Answers! I loved everyone of these. Someone needs to get a medal... or at least a cookie.

  • 4 years ago

    My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. World Population Rank: 1.China 2.India 3.Facebook 4.USA 5.MySpace 6.Indonesia 7.Brazil 8.Twitter. :P Life is too short to remove USB safely. Silence doesn’t always mean YES. Sometimes, silence means LOADING… :P

  • 10 years ago

    Note to populace: Cucumbers are NOT, repeat NOT, cheap green contacts. They are food. Food is not for putting on your eyes, food is for consumption via the mouth. You cannot eat cucumbers with your eyes. Silly populace.

    LOL!!!!

    Dear publishers--why must you put the painfully obvious words 'a novel' on the cover of all your novels? Do you seriously think someone is going to mistake 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' for a cookbook? Silly publishers.

    LMAO!!

    University of Maryland University College. Most popular major: Redundancy

    LOL!!

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    it is funny, but its soo long that people may not answer back to you, just sum advice ..you should of put like 2 or 3 jokes so we get the gist and also we can give feed back..but funny!

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  • 10 years ago

    Nicely done! You are a talented writer (a hobby of mine as well!). =)

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