Okay Sam, I think I was exactly at the same point as you when I was 15. So, let's see if I can help.
First labels. Forget labels. You are the only you in the universe and that that's good, and that's all that matters.
Second, and most important; you are perfectly normal. You are also moral, healthy and a good person.
I know it is very confusing to have this reality on your shoulders when there has been very little in your life to explain this to you. Do not make the assumption that you are not normal.
Let's look at transvestism. It's a word that nobody really has a good definition for. It's part of the spectrum of transgenderism that runs all the way from a fetish, to transsexualism. Gay, ironically, does not not even fit into it anywhere (so go ahead and throw that out). A fetish is a person who has a particular attraction to an inanimate object. Examples could be panties, or stockings, or high heels, etc. A transsexual is a person who is exact opposites between their bodies and their minds. A transsexual does not crossdress, rather a transsexual dresses as is appropriate for how they feel they really are. Transsexuals often have sexual reassignment surgery to correct themselves. In between, the most common thing is the crossdresser, or the transvestite. In clinical terms this is a person who has the desire to dress in clothing of the opposite sex. The motivations are clinically uncertain. However, as one, and as someone who has investigated this most of my life, I think the best answer comes from women who simple observe that some males are intellectually and artistically too sensitive, or advanced, to be fully satisfied within the constraints of masculine only expression and presentation. Or, in other words, we are above average intelligent and artistic and simply need the feminine vocabulary and dress to express ourselves fully. Drag Queens are performers, usually gay, and (like others who are gay) do not really fit into the transgender spectrum.
Being a transvestite is not easy. Besides the self doubts and guilt, you have to afford two whole separate wardrobes. It is really important to realize that it is not listed as a psychiatric illness and is perfectly healthy. It is also very common! Did you know that approximately 12% of all males crossdress regularly? That about 77% have done it at least once, and that over 91% have felt the urge to try it? Two things you can expect in the future are purging, and thinking it's over. Both are missteps. I remember the first serious girlfriend I had caused to me (the experience, not her) to think that my crossdressing was something I would leave behind forever. Wrong! Then, the dumb thing we all do is purge. Purging is when you think you're never going to crossdress again so you get ride of (purge) all your girl stuff. Not only do you eventually discover that the crossdressing is going to be your lifelong friend and reality, but purging is a waste of money. At least, if you have to do it, don't throw the stuff out. Drop it off at a Goodwill box or charity store!
The biggest issue with transvestism is going to be girls. At first you are adamant that attracting a girl means you have to be a 100% macho male. Frankly, younger women (girls), tend to be insecure as well, and tend to be threatened by transvestism. Still, you need to be up front and honest with anyone you are serious about. Two things are going happen as sure as the sun will rise in the east and set in the west. First, your need to crossdress is going to come back and stay with you. Second, more mature women will not only accept it, they will be the persons who will be most supportive of it.
Now, I identify myself sometimes as a sissy, so what does that mean? Nothing really. I just don't like the terms transvestite or crossdresser and think sissy puts a end to any debate and preempts any issues. Really, all it says is that I've learned to embrace the gift I've been given. Doesn't a sissy mean I'm a looser, a pansy, a queer? No, no and no. As a kid I climbed trees, got in fights and played football. I spent a large part of my adult life in the Army where I was an officer and leader of men. You see, being a transvestite has nothing to do with your masculinity. It is a gift, a little extra, that gives you a special comprehension of ideas, feelings and expressions that are usually more outwardly associated with women.
And, here's another little secret. Being a transvestite is a great way to attract women. No all. True women who lack self confidence are threatened by it, and those with religious problems (not religious, but with religious problems; i.e. over doing it) tend to be a little critical. On the other hand, the most feminine and most attractive women; those in modeling, in fashion, in theater, in the arts, etc. tend to love and respect it. Like everything else here, what I'm telling you is based on 100% truthful, first hand experience and reality. Most women are not onl
I was 15 once, and a transvestite, and still am.