Dear asker, please disregard the disrespectful and insincere responses here. Your issue is a delicate one and some people compromise the integrity of the community for childish attempts at humor. Mayo will indeed perform wonderfully inside your sphincter and you may elect to use it nearly exclusively just as I have, but there are two major provisos. First the obvious, the main ingredient in mayonnaise is egg yolks which have the ideal fluid dynamics and textural properties to permit a smooth and delightful entry into your anus, BUT eggs also spoil very quickly above 85 degrees (human body temperature is ~98 degrees!). If even a small volume of this lubricating delight remained inside your rectum or inside your partner's urethra after the sex act, you would both develop an unmistakable rotten sulfuric odor that would follow you wherever you go for several days and up to a week regardless of your attempts to do damage control in the shower ex-post-facto. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU! You must neutralize your rectum and your partner's penis immediately after use of mayo with a fungal and bacterial inhibitor such as hot sauce (Smokey Habanero or Mango Chipotle both work well) OR you can use an over-the-counter colon cleanse like Vegan Colon Cleanse Deva which is cruelty free and only about $13.99 at most drug stores. The second issue is the animal cruelty involved in the production of mayonnaise. Millions of hens are subjected to inhumane conditions and die just to satisfy the wanton cravings of their owners. I'm not judging anyone but I could never enjoy the sexual experience if I knew that egg hens were suffering for my pleasure. Always make your own mayo from scratch so that you can control where the eggs come from! The vegan synthetic egg compounds, now widely available, are all water-based and therefore they unfortunately break down in the presence of sweat, seamen, and the natural flora of your posterior. If you used this option after about one minute of intercourse, the absence of a functioning lubricant in your rectum would make for an intensely pleasurable experience for your partner, but wouldn't ease the pain of penetration for you one iota. Unless it's your partner's birthday, I would suggest that you steer entirely clear of this option. Select real eggs produced from cage-free non-GMO organically-fed hens and buy your eggs from a local cruelty-free ranch. (Road Island Red hens produce eggs with the best yolk-consistency for lubrication if they're pasture raised chickens.) Google "homemade mayonnaise from scratch cruelty free", or I can provide my recipe if you'd like. Pro-tip: when you find a recipe that you enjoy, keep a small batch in the fridge at all times. Although not fit for oral consumption after about two weeks, homemade mayonnaise will keep and can safely be used anally for up to 12 weeks!