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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

Help! Father drinking, mother making it worse!!!?

My dad's been a drunk for 30 yrs. Every time my dad drinks, my mom always reminds him of how his liver hurts every time he drinks. She yells at him and makes it worse. My dad yells at her back, then they get into it really badly.

I tell her to stop, but she never listens. They're both "hard-headed."

My dad passes red lights while drunk-driving and speeds through them. I was in the car with him and he screamed as if it were exciting....but it was absolutely terrifying for me.

13 Answers

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  • Josa
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi, If your Dad were to EVER have an accident with you in the car, DHS would take you away from them for 'child endangerment'. I know this because I worked 12 years with families through DHS. Stay out of the car with him when he has been drinking. You are putting yourself at risk for death, permanent injury or removal from your home. If your Dad is not mature enough to realize the consequences of his behavior, you need to be. Your Mother is angry....she wants to hurt your Dad with her language because he has hurt her. If she chooses to live with an alcoholic then, she must learn how to deal with his addiction in a manner that does not affect you or her. Further down on this answer I will give you two sites to go to. I hope your Mother will read them with you. Your Dad does not want to hear about his liver. He feels your Mom is attacking him and treating him like a child. Your Dad will never stop drinking until he sees the need to do so. No matter what you do!!! You can have him committed. But, you have to prove ,at the time of the commitment, that he is a danger to himself and others. SO, the commitment would have to be done at a time he threatened someone, he threatened to commit suicide, he hurt you or your Mother or himself. They will evaluate him, keep him for 3 days to do so. Then, he will go before a Judge and the hospital will tell the Judge their findings and the Judge will rule as to what your Dad has to do . If the Judge says your Dad has to go to treatment, he will rule to that fact. Your Dad will be required to attend treatment. If he does not he will be in contempt of court. If you were ever able to do that, and he stayed sober long enough to realize he did need help maybe it would turn out to the good.

    Go to this site and read it: It has excellent information for you: http://www.web4health.info/en/answers/add-living-w...

    Also: http://ezinearticles.com/?Living-With-an-Alcoholic...

    I hope these will give you some insight into the problem and a glimmer of hope. But, the hope is for you and your Mother if she decides to read and take heed. Good luck!! JOSA

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  • Nate
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    If your dad has a problem and has had it for 30 years, chances are there is no intervention that you or your mother is going to do that will cure him. He is so dependent and deep in his alcoholism that it would take something along the lines of his liver finally failing to stop him. Your mom has every right to be worked up, but as you said it's only causing conflict, and clearly not helping the situation.

    I'm really sorry, but I don't think you're going to find the answer to your problem on Yahoo answers. I know I don't know you personally but I'll be praying for you and I hope that you'll find some way to work through this.

    Source(s): My dad losing part of his pancreas to alcohol abuse and almost dying.
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  • 4 years ago

    NO it does NOT make you a bad mother! Its because he is jealous. My daughters father does the same thing, and i just tell him "it is NONE of your business what i do, as long as i am not putting my daughter in any harm, then it is none of your business what i do on my free time" and that usually shuts him up. Your son doesnt need to see his father every weekend, you could always do something like every other weekend, and the weeks that he doesnt have him he can take your son 1 or 2 nights during the week, or he can just see him every other weekend. And if your son is 3 and he JUST recently started spending time with your son, who the hell is he to be calling you a bad mom? He hasnt been there for his son for 3 years so he has NO room to talk!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Your father is an alcoholic, and your mother is an enabler. If they've been doing this same thing over and over for years, the only thing that will change it is for your father to kill someone. I'm sure even DUI charges won't stop him. They say a drunk will drive intoxicated 85 times before they are caught... unless they kill someone. It sounds like your dad is on borrowed time already. Attend some al-anon classes. You alone will not be able to stop the vicious circle they are caught in.

    Source(s): I'm a firefighter.
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If your father is a drunk, not to mention a reckless, drunken driver speeding through town, running red lights, someone SHOULD be yelling at him. If he doesn't like being yelled at, he needs to sober up. Personally, I think she should call the cops on him next time he takes off in the car while drinking and have him picked up for DUI before he kills himself, one of the family, or someone else.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well my dads been drinking for 20 yrs but he's a good drunk lol He doesn't get aggressive or anything and my mom doesn't bother him so they don't argue. Well he shouldn't be driving if he's had a couple.

    Source(s): My dad drinks like a 24 pack almost everyday.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Mathus,

    Alcoholism is a disease with psychological, physiological, social, and family aspects. He's probably not going to stop drinking after 30 years. Trying to talk an alcoholic out of drinking will have the same level of success as trying to talk a cancer patient out of his cancer. Alcoholism is as much of a disease as cancer.

    At this point, you need to take care of yourself. Join AL-ANON or Ala-teen. You will meet people who have been where you are now. They can provide both emotional support to you and tell you how they coped with the situation you're now in.

    Best of luck,

    Sean Roberts

    Source(s): Call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday thru Friday, 8 am – 6 pm ET. www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeti…
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  • 1 decade ago

    My grandparents are drunk. he needs help but your mother yelling isn't gonna help it at all, its sad but theres nothing you can do. alcoholics dont listen and will not quit unless he or she is ready, no one can make them. her yelling will make it worse talk to your mom tell her you hate when she yells it scares you she'll stop

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  • 1 decade ago

    You don't say how old you are, but don't ride in the car with him.

    Your mother needs Al-Anon, and so do you. She probably is not ready to see that she is part of the dynamic, but you desperately need what Al-Anon can do for you. Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Try having a talk with your dad. Tell him that if he doesn't stop, he could get arrested. Tell him it scares you, because you deserve to have a dad.

    Source(s): ~mind~
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