I can't stand my family!?
Okay, so im kinda a dreamer, and maybe a lil naive. i believe in true love, happy endings, and all that junk. i also believe that family is SO important, and that they shld love each other dearly. unfortunately, my family doesn't agree. I have two parents, and two brothers. Let me start off by saying that yes, i am thankful my parents are alive and married, and that i hav a house to live in and food on my plate (especially in this recession!). I'm not a brat, so please NO RUDE COMMENTS!!!
PARENTS- well, they're way overprotective. im 15 yrs old and i hav never been to a sleepover. they gets nervous if i answer the door or go to the backyard alone, and i live in a very safe neighborhood. my moms also very critical. shes always calling me stupid and lazy, and i try and try but shes never happy. the worst is when she calls me fat. im a teenage girl and of course im a lil self conscious about my weight, and her insults dnt help. shes always monitoring what i eat and it started to rly affect my self esteem. I had eating problems a while ago, and i eventually got through it wit help from my friends. ive tried telling my mom this but she just says "good! maybe you'll finally be skinny" sometimes i cry myself to sleep, and im still fighting to keep my eating habits normal. they also lie a lot. For example: they say i can go somewhere wit my friends, and then the day of the event, they change theyre minds. then my friends (rightfully) gets pissed! or, they'll insist i don't do my laundry, because they want to use the machine first, and then i get grounded because my laundry is not done. I'm sick of it!
BROTHERS (in general)- my brothers are blatantly favored by my parents. they're OLDER than me, but they get their laundry done, their meals cooked, their dishes washed, their rooms cleaned, and their projects done by my parents. sometimes, i even have to do their chores or homework. usually, i don't mind (even though its unfair) but if I'm doing an essay or assignment or chore of my own, i don't have time. but my parents get mad when i say "I'll do it later" plus when i don't understand their homework (i usually don't) i get yelled at! I even get grounded for stuff they do, like bad grades or sneaking out, because i "didnt help them" or "didnt stop them". how am i supposed to know if theyre planning on sneaking out??? ughhh.
BROTHER 1- hes failing out of high school and on drugs. he sneaks out every night to smoke and do drugs with his friends. my parents try to stop him, but he doesnt listen! hes tried to run away and even kill himself a few times, over the littlest things (like having to do his own homework). hes also a huge jerk, hes beat me up so bad i had to get stitches in my head just cuz he thought it would be funny. its causing my parents stress and theyre fighting a lot. I worry about my parents, and my brother.
BROTHER 2- hes 18 and has serious maturity issues. he freaks out about little things, like having to throw his clothes in the hamper. my parents are very controlling, and me and brother 1 can stand up for ourselves, but hes got problems. he lets my mom and dad make all his decisions, even big ones like where he goes to college and what his major is going to be. hes pretty nice to me and even though we sometimes fight hes ultimately a good brother. I just worry about him sometimes.....
I know I'm kind of a worrywart and maybe a bit spoiled, but can anyone give me some advice, PLEASE? I just want the family I've always dreamed of!
- JosaLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
OH MY!!! Your Mother needs to know that ridiculing you, calling you names and acting the way she is is TOTALLY inappropriate and that she is never going to get you to do what she THINKS you should do with that type of behavior. See if you can get our Mother to read this article: http://www.findcounseling.com/journal/child-abuse/...
This is an EXCELLENT article defining parents behavior and the consequences of that behavior on their children. This is one for not only you to read, your Mother to read but, any teen who is going through what you are and has parents who abuse them emotionally. Emotional abuse covers a lot more than belittling. Just read the article. You will be blown away!! If you have your Mom read it, I hope she will be blown away too. You need to sit her down and explain how what she is doing affects you. If you do not think you want to have her read the article, you read it, take notes and tell her the things you learned in a calm appropriate manner. I hope she listens to you. As far as the treatment of your brothers, Your 'BROTHER 2', will never be happy doing what your parents have decided for him. He may last for a while but, eventually all the education will be wasted because it is not something he chose to do for himself,,,something HE wanted to do. It never fails to end up that way. He just wants to please his parents and in turn has given up his need to please himself. He seeks their love and approval by bowing down to them. That is not love. That is control. He is not happy doing what they want. That's why he exhibits the angry behavior. Now, 'BROTHER 1" They are enabling him to continue to be a drug addict and he will never change until he sees the need to do so or, until the consequences outweigh the need to do the drugs. In other words, the price is too high!! They need to take control!! They've lost control with him. They MUST set rules and boundaries and if he refuses to comply, there is no other choice than for him to pay the consequences. Have your parents read this: http://joy2meu.com/tough_love.htm
This will give them some...not some...A LOT of insight into his behavior, their behavior, and what they can do about it in a positive way. I think all of you can make it but, you all have to become aware of what you're doing, why you're doing it and how it affects you and those around you. Get healthy and whole....I worked for 12 years counseling families through DHS. If you need more information just contact me through my profile here at Yahoo Answers. GOOD LUCK!! JOSA
- EmLv 41 decade ago
Okay, this sounded like an incredibly fake situation, but I'm hoping that it all is true.
All I can say is thank you so ******* much for putting my problems into perspective right now; me not understanding my math homework and having a mini quiz on it tomorrow which I know I will fail (for the first time this year) seems so miniscule and stupid. And being a little sleep deprived? I can now deal with that too. THANK YOU!!
And about your family, it sounds pretty damn hopeless, not to make you sad or anything. I'm fifteen too, and I would kill myself in your shoes. Perhaps you did something to make your parents not trust you, or maybe they want their only daughter to turn out "perfect" and are therefore disciplining you over-the-top and punishing you for every little wrong. All I can say is, in 5 years you and your brothers will all be moved out I'm sure, and your parents can sit there alone, sad that they weren't better parents.
P.S. get bro number 1 off drugs pronto. Throw them away or pretend you want to do drugs just to take them away. Maybe he'll sober up and not be so unstable.
- 1 decade ago
Wow, sounds like you have a lot to cope with. I would strongly suggest you seek out a counsellor ( at school) if possible and discuss the problems that are going on at home.
You are 15 and yet are expected to help or stop your older brothers from doing things? That is really ridiculous, you are not their parents, you are their sister. Your brother beat you up requiring stitches just because he thought it would be funny! This is not in anyway normal. I think there are serious issues that need to be dealt with as a family and until you seek professional help for yourself and hopefully your family will get some as well it does not sound like a healthy place to live.
You deserve to be treated with respect by everyone in the family and you are certainly being abused and you have a right to get help, if the school cannot help then may I suggest Social Services or a health agency to help give you support.
Good Luck and you sound like a very nice and sensible young lady. Get some help, there are lots of people out there in the community.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
There is a such thing as parents being verbally abusive and overly controlling. With some teenagers, it is because they want more freedom and are spoiled so parents have to become more strict but I personally don't think that is the case with you.
First off, have you ever tried talking to your mom about your feelings? That would help! Just sit her down when she isn't busy or in a bad mood and let her know what you think and how you feel. Tell her that you it seriously hurts when she calls you fat and though you apprciate her for helping you with your weight issues, calling you fat does more harm then good.
Keep in mind, though, that they are probaly more protective of you because of what your brother does. Has it every occured to you that because he is into drugs, that has a major effect on the entire family. They could be really scared that one of his "drug-dealers" or "addict friends" would come and harm the family. They also might be scared that you going to sleepovers can result in you doing drugs (that's why my family NEVER let me stayed out over night).
I think you just need to have a serious, calm and mature talk with your family about all of this. It's the best---and maybe the only way---you can work things out.Source(s): I hope this helps =)
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- redbaron1625Lv 61 decade ago
Not all people are cut out to be parents just because they have kids. Your parents are doing stuff like that because they don't know how to be good parents and need a scape goat whenever they mess up. Stop making excuses for their actions and start talking with a adult you trust. The problem isn't yours its completely theirs. Right now you could either wait until you are old enough to move out or talk to your school counselor about getting emancipated from your parents.Source(s): similar situation
- 1 decade ago
THAT IS STRAIGHT UP ABUSE. YOU ARE THE ONLY GIRL AND YOUR PARENTS SHOULD NOT MAKE YOU DO THEIR HOMEWORK OF THEY CHORES. AND YOUR BROTHER WHO BUSTED YOUR HEAD SHOULD HAD WENT TO JAIL. YOU NEED TO LET SOMEONE IN THE FAMILY KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. I WANT YOU TO PRAY TO GOD AND ASK HIM TO PROTECT YOU FROM THE MADNESS THAT'S GOING ON. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TOO SWEETIE AND HIT ME UP ANYTIME. I HAVE AND 15TEEN YEAR OLD AND SHE GOES TO THE CITY AND MALL, MOVIES, AND PARTIES I TRUST HER, WHEN GOD IS READY FOR YOU TO COME HOME HE KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD.
- 1 decade ago
i stopped reading your question as soon as you said you were 15...
You are 15 and you might think you hate your family now, but they truly are the ones that will be there for you when you have nobody to turn to. All your silly friends you have now you think you will have forever, and when you get out of HS everybody goes seperate ways and you find out who is really there for you. I know its tough now, but give it some time. when you get older, you will learn to appreciate your family.Source(s): i was once a self absorbed 15 year old too