An older kid's question about bad parents.?
So, i got a Yahoo Answers account just to ask this question, because it's hard to search for a similar topic online. Now for a little back-story:
I'm 19 years old, 3 months till i'm 20. I have had one recurring problem all of my remembered life, only one thing that makes me sometimes feel like my life is terrible (Even though the rest of it is frickin' brilliant). My parents.
The problem is that on the outside they would seem to be very good parents, and maybe parents that spoiled their child a little too much. I'm an only child, so i guess i got a bit more stuff than friends who have siblings. They would seem on the outside to be loving (which technically there are), and respectable people (which technically they also are). Now keeping that in mind, this is where it gets complicated.
Ever since i was a kid they would hold on to me too closely, and yell at me viciously every time that i did something they deemed wrong. Both my parents seem to have had a major stick up their asses since the early 80s, so pretty much any means of fun is bad according to them. Both of them are foreigners to America, and both of them had rocky childhoods. My dad had a worse childhood than my mom did, he was kicked out of his house as a 4-5 year old boy and had to basically wander around looking for places to stay with other family members...so he's fundamentally screwed up. Despite this they are both good people with no intent to hurt other people, and they are respectable in every aspect minus the emotional stability plane. The problem is no one sees what i see at home, and i don't know whether i should feel bad or not.
My main problem is that my parents seem to be in a prolonged state of dysthymia (where they are always in a negative mood), and this carries over to me. I will get yelled at constantly, they will not listen to me even when i carefully sit down and suggest options to fix the situation, they constantly blame me for the problems with the family, they tear down my every being and tell me that i'm stupid and worthless, and basically put every possible combination of emotional abuse on this list and it will be there. I dislike the fact that they dont listen to what i say, and forget key information about my life (I.E: I have a 3.9 GPA, not a 3.1 or something).
When i was younger i thought i was wrong, and i thought that i was just being a difficult kid (which i kind of was). But now that i'm almost 20 (and still living at home because of community college), i'm starting to think that they just might be two assholes who happen to love me. There is no doubt that they love me (In the parent -> kid sort of way) and they are good parents who pay my expenses and such, but at the same time i feel like i really just don't respect them.
Here are things i commonly hear in the house, almost daily:
"You are an idiot!"
"You are just the most low class person!"
"Why can't you be like ________ friend!"
"Why do you associate only with the worst people"
"Do you want me to punch you in the face!?"
"Why are you causing all my problems?"
"Why should we be happy? We have nothing to be happy about!"
I'm kind of stressed out right now so i don't know if im accurately depicting what i'm trying to type out here, but basically what i'm asking is if anyone here thinks that my parents are emotionally abusive and if i shouldn't give a rats *** about the harmful things that they say. As a sidenote: I know none of you can know me but i will tell you truthfully: I don't cause much trouble, and the little that i do is harmless fun. Also i'm pretty nice and my GPA is 3.9. I drink and sometimes smoke weed, and have done harder drugs (though not anymore) and they know it. So thats about all they would have to get mad about i guess.
I know I'm not an adult yet, and i'm still living in their house, but no one should be treated the way i am treated. I get no respect, even when i'm doing nothing wrong. I feel like my parents are misguided people who wouldn't know true happiness if it hit them in the face. I shouldn't care right? Why should I? I don't even like them as people! I'm losing my mind.
On a last note: My psychologist evaluated them and said that they have alot of problems and that the best thing to do is move out, but financially i can't.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
You seem to know what theyre about, try talking to a professor or another kind of evaluator and get some more opinions. Try moving in with a friend or going in on a small house with 2 other friends and split the rent and just get away from ur parents...
- MargaretLv 44 years ago
G'day mate. Just to set the record straight about older kids. I have been the sole parent for my daughter (17) and son (13) for the last 6 years. For the last 3 years I've also been a 12 hour shift worker, meaning I'm not having the contact I'd like to be having with my kids. My daughter last week received an Order of Australia Medal for student citizenship from our Queensland Governor. A good effort on her behalf considering all the above. Kids are what you make of them, treat them with the love and respect they deserve and don't be afraid to punish them when they are naughty. I'm a firm believer that "nurture is more important than "nature" every time. Go ahead and seek advice and them you decide whats best, simple as that - almost.
- 6 years ago
(JonTron?) Dude, you are not alone in this! I have parents that act in a very similar manner to almost everything you described here. There seems to be a huge level of deep-seated emotional dysfunction that is rooted in my family line and goes back several generations. My family is mostly of Irish immigrant descent and have only been in the U.S. for like 4-5 generations or something. It's pretty ****** up considering that they will do their best to not confront whatever issues there are and hide everything from the outside world, making it look like I'm just an unruly, bitchy kid when I try to speak out in regards to their unnecessary hostility and bizarre behavior. I an also in that position of being financially unable to get away from it at the current time, though I want nothing more than to get a sustainable job and move out. It just isn't that ******' easy, though. I am also a good student, 3.95 GPA (attending Foothill college via online for Music Technology) and trying my damndest to get my shitty YouTube channel and my hip-hop music off the ground. I have suffered very strange emotional abuse as well, and have desperately tried to find the source of the problems that cause my parents to act in such a manner and try to repair that problem, but have finally come to the conclusion that I cannot do jack **** about it. I don't know what to tell you at this point, assuming you are who I assume you are, you definitely don't have to worry about money or anything now, but if it helps to know someone else is going through the same kind of bullshit you went through, I hope it does. http://i.imgur.com/u3f0d.jpg?1
- 5 years ago
I'll try my best to give you some advice and motivation. I am 21 as of today.
My dad had a depressing childhood due to his abusive and emotionally unstable dad. However, my mom is the nicest and most loving person in the world. She too had her many troubles growing up, but she pulled through and didn't let the past ruin her future.
My dad has never been there for me nor my siblings, and he has always been a manipulator. He has a façade with everyone else, and only shows his true colors with us. I have my mom to thank for raising me right, and pulling us through life.
After many years, we've finally manage to be independent of our father. I'm currently studying mechanical engineering at UCR, and I'll hopefully get a good job and live a good life after I graduate.
I'll let you know that many people, including my self, love and care for you. Don't you ever forget that. If you ever face troubles, stay strong! Let out your emotions, forgive, and move on with life stronger than ever!Source(s): I wish you the best, I'll keep you in my prayers, and God Bless! Be good and do good for others! We all have our problems, so you are definitely not alone!
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- 4 years ago
I highly doubt you ll ever see this dude. But I am terribly terribly sorry you had to go through this mess. Emotionally abusive parents are the number one thing I cant stand, and to know someone so great had to go through so much pain breaks my heart. I can only hope you re doing better these days and you re not as stressed out as you were when you wrote this. Yeah life itself is stressful depending on the situation but putting an abusive past behind you can be the toughest thing to do. Trust me I ve been there plenty of times and so have other people. Be it emotional or physical.
I really do hope you were able to get through this and that things got 100 percent better. And know that I m extremely proud of you.
- 6 years ago
TheOnionKing, I've just gotta say, I am experiencing this same situation. I mean, you may be four years older from when this happened to you, but I've just gotta say, I know your pain, well, what you've experienced 4 years ago. If you read this, and you've somehow gotten past your troubles, both financially, and emotionally, it'd be awesome if you could share them with me, somehow. And if I could, the only advice I could offer, if I had any in this situation, is support from friends. Friends can help you through the toughest of times, but if you don't have nearly any near you, as is the case for me, these things can be a little hard. Thanks for hearing me out.
- Anonymous5 years ago
I'm going through a similar thing with my dad. It's that sort of "you can't do anything right" mentality... it's been a long time since you've posted this, so maybe you've learned something about dealing with it... wanna talk about it at all?
- Anonymous6 years ago
we love you jontron, sorry you had to go thru this ****
- 6 years ago
Dude jon we love you no matter what don't listen to Mrs. McFuckBitch McGee ladeeda up there cuz she knows jack **** about what you do later on. Keep rockin' on, Jon!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Nineteen is an adult.