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Live-in boyfriend with bad hygiene?

Ok, I've searched for answers to this question and the answers all seems to be "confront him, and if he doesn't change, dump him." But here's the thing- I love this man, and he loves me. I have been with him for 7 years. Lived with him for 4 years. He's a really great (and great looking) guy, who's not lazy in regards to his professional life. Only recently I started noticing his poor hygiene habits and it's really starting to bother me. Isn't that weird?? He doesn't wash his face, not even once a day. I've told him many times now, that's really gross, think about all the dirt and germs that builds up on your face everyday- but he still refuses to wash his face. He barely takes a shower once a week (doesn't change underwear unless he takes a shower). He wears the same clothes for weeks on end. Even his co-workers started commenting to him "haven't you worn the same clothes for days?" He's a grown man, I shouldn't be mothering him like this. I've told him so many times, nothing changes and we just get into big fights. I really don't know what to do. This has been been affecting our intimacy, and I've told him about it. Nothing has changed. I'm so embarrassed about this, I can't even talk to my friends and family about it (that's why I'm here seeking for any kind of guidance in the anonymous internet). Does anyone have any ideas other than confront him and if he doesn't change, dump him? Please help!

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    From your question, it is not clear if this bad hygiene behavior has been going on all this time and you've not noticed it.......or if it is a new pattern for him.

    If it is a new pattern for him - it is a sign of an emotional issue, most probably depression and/or anxiety. Speak to him again, this time with the emphasis on your concern for his well-being. Encourage him to talk with a counselor, pastor, or doctor. Offer to make the appointment for him, and offer to drive him and be there (if he desires) for the visit.

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  • maiya
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    so you notice his bad hygiene habits just recently? you been with him for the past 7 years and now is wen you realize how bad the man stinks? how can you have sex with him the man must smell like burnt horn and that my friend is one smell that you will never forget

    I don't know what to tell you he knows he smells I feel real bad for you he has a psychological problems- you never mention if he is from another country in some country's is 0k to stink just talk to Pepe le pew and tell him that it turns you off and I hope you are Incinerating his underwear's

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  • 1 decade ago

    He may be developing an illness as suggested before me. Try to get him to go to the DR.

    You can also try to turn it into some playtime and offer to bathe him or as suggested shower together.

    Say: " Let's go green, conserve water and shower with a 'friend' "

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  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe leave him alone. Sometimes if i get nagged it makes me not care. Maybe show him a video or something about hygiene that would gross him out. One thing for sure though is don't dump him he is just going through something. and i don't know a lot of guys who really regularly wash there face i don't but just stay together because true loves has no divider, not even bad hygiene. :)

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  • 1 decade ago

    I know a few people who are like that, They only shower every so often, and never wash their clothes. I dont know why they do it, if it is just laziness, depression, or what. Personaly I really want to shower every day, and stay clean. Im not a clean freak, I get dirty at work, and at play. dirt doesnt freak me out, but when Im done, I want to get clean, so I can relax. I dont want to stink.

    These people I know dont seem to mind being funky.

    I dont know why, though.

    I like them otherwise, but the funkiness gets old.

    I disagree with Nail. I dont think "most" hetero guys are like that, Most of my freinds are straight, and most of them bathe daily, brush their teeth, and wash and change their clothes.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Straight out tell him as if you're disgusted with him. That should motivate him. He might have never learned to take better care of himself. It could be a sign of depression as mentioned by other answerers. When you talk about this it reminds me of my brother. He has some pretty poor hygiene, though he does shower more often. He smells though. His room smells. He doesn't keep it clean at all. Neither does he keep his car clean. His father is pretty tough on him and hardly around and I think most of the reason is his upbringing. I was almost as bad as him before, I don't know why this happened. He might just not care enough. He might not know how to be responsible. He'd be doing this extra stuff that's work and he doesn't usually do and not getting a reward for it. He works his butt off but he gets a paycheck for that. Maybe set up some type of reward for him if he actually cleans...

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  • 1 decade ago

    Explain to him kindly he should have a shower every morning. I also stopped showering when I was depressed so it might be that. Does he eat? If no to both of those things he's probably depressed. Anyway, you can't force him to shower but maybe next time you get "comfortable" with him be like "oh..you smell soo good....". Whenever he smells good-reward him.

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  • BBG
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    A shower and clean undies less than once a week? Ewww....I can see how this is affecting your intimacy!!!!!

    Here is the most important thing you need to know: You cannot control HIS behavior. You can only control how you respond to it.

    I'm not big on dramatic confrontations either. I might try having a civil conversation with him about it one more time - but this time do it a bit differently.

    Say, "Honey, I love you. And you are entitled to make any choices you want to. But I am also entitled to make choices. I love sharing a bed with you, but only if your body is clean. If you don't shower once a day, we will be sleeping in separate beds. I love kissing you, but only when your breath is fresh. If you don't brush your teeth we will not be kissing. And honey, I am not interested in a long-term relationship where there is no physical intimacy. How you care for your own body is your decision. And how I respond is my decision." Be clear about what you would like him to do and what will happen if he doesn't do it. And then FOLLOW THROUGH.

    I really do feel for you, but if you've talked to him and he refuses to change, I suspect this is the way he is, take it or leave it. I'd encourage you to leave it. Even if he shapes up long enough to get a ring on your finger he may very well lapse back to old habits down the line. Fifty years is too long to spend with a sticky, stinky mate no matter how much you love him.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Do you guys go out alot? Get on a Bowling league or a Nighty Hobby that he has to kinda get ready for. He might get used to the habbit. He could be getting board with life (Wake up, Work, Watch TV, repeat..) It's pretty depressing sometimes.

    I don't know if you guys drink.. Maybe a Dart League, Pool, Anything.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You should confront him and if he dosen't change dump him.

    Is that the answer you were looking for lol?

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