Aoi asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

I need life/family advice?

I am 18 years of age and a freshman in college. I have lived with my family for these entire 18 years. My father is bipolar but he doesn't drink or do really crazy things. My mother drinks and you could basically say she is an alcoholic that drinks because she doesn't like her life. I have 4 siblings, 3 brothers and 1 sister. My mother's alcoholic anger has been going on since we were children and it has caused us to dislike that side of her hugely; however, she is a sweetheart when sober. My other siblings except one of my younger brothers have all basically screwed up their lives. At one point during the whole "teenage no body understands me" phase I honestly stop paying attention to my family and focused only on me. All of that has long since changed. I have been trying to help my family out for the longest. I eventually helped them move out of the "ghetto" and no one in my family is by any means a "ghetto" acting person. They're just people who continue to do wrong like drink and make bad decisions. We are all very smart and I am making sure that my other three siblings that I can help (cuz one is in foster care) go to college. Unfortunately, all of these problems they have, like my mother's drinking, or my other two siblings bad choices are starting to really upset me ( you would be too if it were your family) and it's starting to affect my relationship with my fiance (because i got mad at him for accusing my bro of doing something that he said he wasn't any more and we just found out that he lied to our faces, which means my fiance is mad at me because he was right and I was wrong).

Anyway, I'm a college freshman and while I don't want to be an idiot and get all mixed up in my own life like when I was a younger teenage idiot, I'm also seeing the bad effects of staying with my family (trying to help them all out) and trying to live my college life to the fullest. I've been including my younger siblings as well as the one older bro in my activities, as well as helping them go and prepare for college or some other post highschool education. So far the middle child (one of my younger bro's) is far more well rounded than my other three siblings and I know he will be fine. The other one in foster care ( the youngest bro) is basically a lost cause and he is actually doing better in foster care. But my older bro and little sis ( she is 16 and he is 20) are still making the wrong decisions and no matter what I've tried to do so far it's become pretty clear that they continued to do wrong. I don't want to abandon my family again, but I don't want to lose my mind over how much I care for them and wish for them to be ok. I just don't want to abandon my family. I'm torn, how do I help my family and myself at the same time, not to mention the fact that my fiance cares for them all too and especially my wellbeing; it's starting to take it's toll on him too. Any advice. Sorry if it's too long, gotta learn to articulate what I want to say with less words. (^_^)

5 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

    All you can do is keep showing them the right way to go and the right decisions, but ultimately, the final choice is theirs. I hope they makes the right ones.

    Don't give up though; keep showing and telling them the right way to go.

    Maybe one day, when you least expect it, you'll get through to them.

  • Krista
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You sadly can't MAKE people change. Set a good example for you siblings and parents. Show them that you can live a good life by making the right decisions. Be sure to show not tell. Continue to make positive decisions and try to help your family. Acknowledge to your fiance that you realize that he was right in that situation and make sure that he is with you 100%. Make sure that he is positive and will make good decisions with you. Maybe you could pray to God and if you don't know him then become close to him. Faith will help you.

    Good Luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    You have more than your share of problems and you are smart to understand that they are affecting you. If you are in college, go to the campus medical center and ask for counseling and therapy. It is a free service and you need it. Do not be embarrassed at all.

  • hello!
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Truthfully, you cant.

    You need to focus on your life and you can still be there for them but not resposible for them, whenever it gets you down repeat this to yourself 3x I cannot control others, then 3x I can only shape my own future, not control others' future.

    If you do well in your own life you will be more able to help them in the long run anyway.

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  • Siyah
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    well , i learned that YOU can't help them if they don't want to help themselves or put forth any effort.

    Source(s): im 12 with a skataristick mother
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