Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

boyfriend and i keep getting into fights because we miscommunicate and he doesn't get what i'm REALLY saying?

I love my boyfriend. We've been together for almost 4 years. Since I was just barely 16. We have been doing great for the past 8 months, after a lot of ups and downs before that. Now it seems like we've met another down. He finds the littlest things and it makes him angry. He wants his space to chill and drink with his buddies (which I don't currently know very well or trust). I want him to be able to do those types of things when he needs it, but I want to be able to communicate with him about how I feel as well. He thinks I'm trying to be a nagging, controlling mother to him, when I'm really trying to ask for mutual respect and communication. I've had a lot of losses in my life, and now it's hard for me to let people go, even for a short period of time, because it slightly scares me. How can I talk to an extremely stubborn and prideful male, and have him respect what I have to say? I respect him and his wishes, but I dont think that he realizes that, or maybe he doesn't believe it. I try hard not to nag, but as a woman, i just like to talk about what's on my mind. If I'm upset, I want to be able to express that and then work it out, then get over it and move on. To him, if i'm upset, he puts up this mental wall, and immediately gets angry and cold, and lets his pride take over for a few days, instead of trying to understand. I know men and women are very different in the way they communicate. Is there some way that I can talk to the love of my life, and not have him take it the wrong way? Is there some way that I can get respect in return? Example: he's been very close to me for the past few months, and then in the past three weeks, he's deliberately avoided inviting me to his christmas party, friend's birthday parties, etc, and he says he needs his space. I can give space, but during this time of christmas is supposed to be a time of being together and enjoying one another. I tried to express that i was frustrated with being left out of so many things, and he said im just trying to be crammed up his bum and never want to leave him alone. I guess I feel abandoned at one of the few times i really want to be close to him. We got into an argument tonight because i let my frustration show 3 times via text message while he was getting drunk at a friends house (the day after christmas) and now he's so angry for ruining his time with his friends that he wont speak to me. HOW can i possibly communicate with a stubborn man? He's not a jerk, and I know he loves me, but he goes through phases of wanting to be close to me, and then wanting to be very very far away. I probably would have tolerated it better if the timing hadn't been the whole week of christmas. Am I wrong in being offended and kind of hurt by this? How do I patch things up and really show him that i want him to have fun, but somethings are just beyond my comfort zone and they make me upset. I want to respect how upset HE is as well, and fully understand why he feels this way, but he doesnt talk about how he feels, and the lack of listening that he gives me and the lack of understanding, or at least willingness to try to work something out, frustrates me to no end. Any ideas on how to deal with stubborn snarly males?

1 Answer

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    he's your boyfriend, not your girlfriend, once you try to make him into your confidant, things will go downhill rapidly.

    Men retreat to their "lair" to figure things out, women want to talk and get empathy. You see the contrast?

    You're both having a rough time, and you both want to figure things out, I'd suggest giving each other space and resorting to your friends.

    Source(s): magical lung beasts that come out of me at night to hunt for food
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