強森 asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

幫我加強這篇英文作文

我們老師很嚴厲,這篇他再不滿意 我就被當無疑了,各位可以再幫我家一些什麼東西進去嗎,這篇有點短,然後有什麼文法上的錯誤也幫我修改一下。

BY THE WAY這篇主要是以Exemplification為主軸。

這關係到我會不會被當= = 所以我會另外再加送點數給幫忙回答的人。感恩

Work first or study first

In recent years, there has been increasing discussion of the issue, work first or continuing study. In my view, the pursuing further studies is better than just right to work after graduation, because it can enhance our competitive advantage in job hunting and better prepare for the future Jobs.

Obviously, the diploma of university has become less valuable at this time. An example, People attaining to higher education in universities are more common and easily, which means many people have the same qualifications. That’s reason why I think we should take further education, and possess more professional skills and stay competitive.

Nowadays, people are finding difficult to get a job, so under this circumstance, the certificate of higher education may provide you some advantage. For instance, if there are two applicants with the same professional skills but one of them holds a certificate of higher education. Which one is more likely to get the job? Of course it is the one with a certificate

Above all, as we can see from our current job market, it becomes more and more harder to find a good job. In able to survive in this competitive working place, we need to study harder to improve our competitive power. In this case, I believe that continuing education is an important and necessary choice.

To sum up, higher education is very important not only does it turn our interests into professional skills, but it also greatly enhanced our competitive ability in a job of competition, that is to say study is the way of preparing for the better future careers.

2 Answers

Rating
  • Tea F.
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    I'll edit this essay the way north american high school teachers/professors mark english expository essays.

    以下是最基本的文章寫法:

    - Hook

    - Thesis Statement (回答文章所提出的問題並包括3項重點)

    - Point 1 + evidence

    - Point 2 + evidence

    - Point 3 + evidence

    - Conclusion

    * Don't use "I believe", "I think", "in my view" (你都在寫這篇文章了 當然是你認為的想法呀== 我寫的文章出現會直接被扣分) 直接列出來,並提供證據。

    你沒有所謂的 "Hook" (開頭引人注意類的句子)

    -->In recent years... --> NOT A HOOK

    -列出有說服性的事實 而不是整篇文章都是你個人的想法)

    *Don't use "I", "You", "We", "Us" 等 第一或第二人稱,你不能夠架設對方會怎麼想。 (如果一定要用的話 用 "one")

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    In recent years, there has been increasing discussion of the issue, (whether one should work first or continue his study.) In my view, (pursuing) further studies is better than (going straight) to work after graduation because it can enhance (ones) competitive advantage in job hunting and (therefore) better prepare (one) for (his) future Jobs.

    Obviously, (diplomas from) universities have become less valuable at this time. (For) example, (it is becoming more common for) people (to attain) a higher education in universities, which means many people (may acquire) the same qualifications. That’s (a) reason why I think we should take further education, and possess more professional skills and stay competitive.

    Nowadays, people are finding (it more) difficult to get a job, so under this circumstance, the certificate of higher education may provide *you* some advantage. For instance, if there are two applicants with the same professional skills but one of them holds a certificate of higher education(, which one is more likely to get the job? Of course it is the one with a certificate)

    Above all, as we can see from our current job market, it is becoming harder to find a good job. In (order) to survive in this competitive working place, we need to study harder to improve our competitive power. In this case, I believe that continuing (an) education is an important and necessary choice.

    *你用了很多 "Competitve"

    Source(s): Myself
  • 1 decade ago

    思秋大大, 您好! 看您這裡的文法在台灣也應該是高手了. 應該是有名的大學的學生吧...Anyway, let's go down to business:

    Work first or study first

    In recent yaers, discussion has been increasing on the following issue: Whether it is better first to get a job or to pursue higher education after one graduates from school. In my view, pursuing further studies is better than just jumping right into work after graduation, because higher education can enhance our competitive advantage in the job-hunting process, and it better prepares us to be ready for the jobs we are going to do in the future.

    Obviously, holding a university diploma has become less useful, because it is easier and more common now for people to study in universities. That means many people have the same qualifications in job competitions. For this same reason, though, we should continue to pursue further education, to possess higher professional skills and keep ourselves competitive in society.

    Many people have found that it is difficult to get a job today due to the prolonged economic depression. In this evironment, higher education can provide an additional advantage. For instance, if there are two appilicants who have the same professional skills but one holds a higher-education certificate, who is more likely to get the job? Of course, it is the one with higher-education certificate.

    Above all, as we see it becoming more and more difficult to get a job in the current market, we need to study even harder to improve our competitive power and remain ahead in this competitive society. Therefore, I believe that continuing one's education is an important and necessary choice.

    To sum up, higher education is very important not only because it turns our interests into professional skills, but because it also greatly enhances our ability to compete for jobs. In other words, keep studying, because higher education is the best way to prepare for a better career in the future.

    2010-01-03 03:44:35 補充:

    Suggestions:

    You may want to write more supporting sentences by quoting what some people said about this issue, like:

    A.

    1. What Obama said about this.

    2. Why he (Obama) was calling all young mothers to go back to school rather than to look for jobs last yaer.

    2010-01-03 03:51:32 補充:

    3. What news (other people) said about this (education vs. work).

    4. Any friends or relatives of yours said about this.

    5. Why and how you agree/ disagree with them.

    B.

    Or you can use what they said and done: like government and business men are helping people to go back to school to

    2010-01-03 04:01:22 補充:

    support your sentences here.

    example: Many people are saying that while they are spending one to two years looking for a job yet, can't find any, they rather use that same time to get a higher degree.( rather using the time wisely than wasting the time on job hunting.).

    2010-01-03 04:04:40 補充:

    And when they come out from school, hopefully the economic situation may becomes better, and at the same time they will become more competitive as well....

    Good Luck !

    Source(s): My American friend graduated from Harvard U. in English major and I.
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.