Do you like my new poem?

Suicide

By: Adam M. Snow

I am here by my lonesome;

in a room with writings on the wall.

They all tell how I'm dead inside;

now I'm leaning towards suicide.

The voices keep screaming, screaming in my head;

they keep telling me how I'm better off dead.

I keep running though I'm running out of places to hide;

Now I'm stuck in solitaire which I dread.

I'm just hiding from myself though I can not deny;

all I want to do is wait here to die.

My pains are what is written on the wall;

Now I am ending it all.

My life's now fading, fading out of sight:

for there's no more pains for me to fight.

I'm now truly a ghost in solitaire;

trapped here alone in despair.

Why oh why did I cut my life so short?

Is this really my last resort?

I know now that there was another way;

now I am forevermore lost and astray.

2 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    not bad, but it can be bettered.

    example A-- rhyme scheme is weird. it goes from like, ABAB to AABA or something. very odd when reading

    example B-- i don't like how it goes "screaming, screaming in my head" you could do somethign like this

    before (your work):

    'The voices keep screaming, screaming in my head;

    they keep telling me how I'm better off dead.

    I keep running though I'm running out of places to hide;

    Now I'm stuck in solitaire which I dread.'

    after (my work):

    The voices keep screaming inside me head.

    their words are saying how i'm better off dead

    I try to run,

    but i've no place to hide.

    it seems now,

    i'm truly dead inside.

    hope i helped!

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    In reality, i totally Do not

    • Login to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.