What limits in gayness should I allow for my younger brother and my husband's younger brother?

First I feel like a parent of teenagers instead of the loving and super tolerant older sister of a sooo very gay little brother who is so deeply embedded in the closet with our parents. Shawnie and Michael both came out of the closet to myself and my husband is who is the older brother of Michael. To our respective parents they are simply good friends whose friendship developed as a result of my husband and I becoming friends in high school. Our respective moms and dads also are friends now as a result of our fateful meeting. To us they are too little gay boys who like to hold hands, and give each other loving looks as they gaze at each other.

Ok we are going to a campground that we went to last New Years where the owners had a great New Years Party for al the campers. We had a great time and met people of all ages including senior adults. There will likely be teenagers there too and younger children. I told Shawnie that at least for this trip they CANNOT!! act gay with each other and should show a normal age appropriate interest in the teen girls who will likely be there. Also we will be staying in a two bedroom cabin and the boys (unfortunately) will share a bedroom together. My husband and I will have the other bedroom.

Michael who is older and more masculine acting than Shawnie might try to "do something" with his love object when they are in the bedroom and they think my husband and I fell asleep. Should I sleep with my brother in one bedroom and my husband sleep with his brother in the other. Our parents do not know that their sons are gay so they cannot be part of the discussion.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    It's horrible how you think that your stifling of their personalities is good. Let the poor kids be who they really are. Don't let them sleep in the same room if you think they're going to have sex or something, but other than that, stop being a dictator.

  • Bret
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    The issue of them maybe having sex with you in the next room is probably moot. I doubt very seriously that they would want to take that chance. You don't mention how old they are, but sex is a natural thing and kids will naturally want to experiment. Really the only way to keep this from happening is your last suggestion. You two adults split up and bunk with your brothers. This way, even if they feel the "urge", someone will be there that will nip that in the bud. But, honey, I'm here to tell you when it comes to love and sex - where there is a will, there is a way. One doesn't need a bedroom. But, if you are that concerned, why not talk to your little brother about it? The more open you are with both he and your husband's little brother, the more likely they will respect your wishes and refrain from any embarrassing moments. By putting limitations on their behavior, is this a good thing to do? Make them act differently because they are going to be around strangers? I understand your concerns and I think you're correct that your parents shouldn't know at this point. However, they will eventually. Youngsters are like that, though. They may feel this attachment right now, but that doesn't mean that sometime in the future, they go their separate ways and find others.

    I am very proud of you for how "cool" you and your husband are about this. So many people would try anything that would "cure" their relative of this "condition". That you are trying to think of ways to make the situation more comfortable for everyone says a lot about you. I am so proud of you for how you're handling this. Just try to stay as cool a sister as you are now. You ought to be proud of yourself as well. Eventually, all this will come out and you can relax. For now, though, I think you're on the right path.

    Good luck and Happy Holidays,

    Bret

  • 1 decade ago

    Very interesting question. First off, I don't think it's right to ask them to 'show a normal age appropriate interest in the teen girls'. I don't understand what that has to do with anything. But anyway, as far as them sleeping in the same room together, that's up to you, but, I'm sure if they wanted, they could easily find time to be alone to do what the want to do. They are both boys, which means if they want to be left alone together, nobody will see a problem with that, since they don't know that they are gay. I think they probably do need to explore a little bit as any other teenager would do. At least you don't have to worry about either of them getting pregnant, lol. At that age, I doubt you two will be woken up in the middle of the night with banging so loud that things are falling off the walls. If anything, they may kiss and cuddle, but I don't think you need to worry. Maybe this will help bring them out of the closet. Which I think would be the best thing to do anyway. Just my thought.

    Source(s): Just so you know, I'm heterosexual. After typing that, now I have to go look a some nude women, lol.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    C'mon, Older Sister, let go of the control just a bit. =)

    1. Shawn and Michael do not have to pretend to hang on the girls if they don't feel the need -- that would be a lie, wouldn't it? Leading the girls on? Just let them be themselves.

    2. All teen boys have sleepovers, and it would be weird for you to sleep with your brothers. Again, just let them be.

    If you have concerns, have your husband talk to the boys, or at least to his brother, to tell him the boys should not go "all the way". However, if the lads make out with each other a bit, that would not necessarily be a bad thing. It's part of growing up.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    First I congratulate you in that at least you seem accepting and humane, and I sympathize with the situation of dragging around a couple of sissies whose public displays of affection no doubt attract unwanted attention to your family.

    My own take on this is that almost all straight people regardless of race or religion, are trained or learn to "behave" in public for a thousand reasons. Because of their ages maybe I should shut up now, but if they are not having at least oral sex already, they will be soon. Trying to get them to show interest in teen girls seems ridiculous. Since you have accepted their gayness already, I think you are in a good position to explain to the older kid especially, that he still has to get along in society somehow, study, graduate and grow up just like everyone else. It's not enuf to use being "out" as an excuse to piss off the old folks just to be snots and the center of attention.

  • 1 decade ago

    Giving them limits on how "gay" they can act teaches them that it is not okay to be who they are. There should be limits to how they act, (like no making out or having sex) but asking them not to express feelings that are important to them is hurtful. Also, you are their sister/in-law. They are going to face discrimination for their whole lives, they need you to be supportive and loving of their relationship. It is best that they learn how to combat discrimination from all kinds of people at this age when they have the support of you and your husband, rather than later in life.

    As far as where they sleep. It is entirely possible that they will try to have sex or participate in some other sexual activity. They are young people who love each other, after all. Maybe you could ask them to leave the door open at night.

    I really hope this helps!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You don't say how old they are, I am am assuming they are under 18, but older than 12?

    They are going to find a way to do it anyway, if they already haven't.

    It makes you incredibly hypocritical that you and your husband can do what they like, but they cannot. It is their lives.

    It doesn't sound like you are protecting them, it sounds like you are protecting yourself. :S

    I think you should try and be supportive and treat them like any underrage couple, try this if you are having difficulty:

    "what would you do if they were bf and gf?"

    see, simple.

    You can have a sit down and tell them that they should maintain an appropriate distance in public because people don't understand, but telling them that they need to lie about themselves is really an abuse of the trust they put in you, and will likely mess them up a little. Tell them to be safe, loving and to wait until they are ready.

    I don't even think people will notice, I mean why would they be looking for this? you only see it because they told you.

    Are you embarassed about this? and why can they not know, they are going to be gay forever, get used to it.

  • 1 decade ago

    I find it kind of strange that you told them they needed to chase the girls around. What are you afraid of? If it's that you're afraid word will get back to their parents, and the boys aren't ready to be out, that's one thing. If you're afraid to be embarrassed in front of mostly-strangers, I think you need to seriously rethink the message you're sending. "It's okay to be gay as long as no one knows" is maybe not the best message for these kids.

    Beyond that, I would absolutely require them to sleep with the door open, or make one of them hit the couch. Treat them like you would a het couple at their age. If they want to get up to something you feel they're too young for, they probably will find a way, but you don't have to help them. ;] It shouldn't be about "how much gayness" you allow, but how sexual you're comfortable letting them be in your presence at their age.

  • 1 decade ago

    ok first off, LET THEM BE! if they are happy, leave them alone. so what if they are gay? whatever makes them happy should be enough. second, if they "do something" so what? its their choice. just stay out of it altogether. i know i sound like one of those bossy people. im sorry, but im so sick of other people having a problem with gays. im straight and i love gay people cuz they are the most amazing people in the world. so just try to get used to the "gayness" and move past it. accept it and forget it.

  • 1 decade ago

    To prevent what? An unwanted pregnancy? LMAO.. do you really think they haven't done anything yet? Come on... you were a teen in "looove" once yourself.

    And you should probably stop calling him "Shawnie" if you're afraid people will think he's gay.

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