I'm addicted to making fake identities online?
First I'll start by saying that I'm in 11th grade and this is the first year I've ever been 'pretty'. I got my braces off, contacts, and started wearing makeup. But I still have problems from when I was ugly and shy the past several years.
When I was in 8th grade I was with the 'emo kids'. I wasn't pretty, glasses, crooked teeth, acne, wore only black, had hair in my face. Me and a friend of mine used to play gaiaonline. It's really easy for boys who are good looking to get a lot of gold on that site because girls will donate to them. And being not so attractive females, we couldn't get ANY gold. So we took photos of random guys from google and said they were us. It was just a joke to get a lot of gold and we were only playing around, and it actually worked.
But I kind of got addicted to it. My friend quit, but I kept doing it, while keeping it a secret from her. Whenever I was being this person online, I actually had a LOT of friends that I made. Some of them even liked me, as in wanted to date online, thinking that I was a guy. Sadly, I 'pretended' to date four of them, while having no attraction to them at all (Seeing as I am straight and they were girls, it was kind of like writing a story). It was really just a way to make me feel better about myself and it did, except for the fact that I was cooped up on the computer literally all day long, talking to these 'friends'.
I did this for nearly a whole year. When I got into high school a girl had actually found out I was faking a guy online because I had made a myspace for him. She starting making fun of me for it and told her friends about it, so I quit. I just left all of those online friends behind and even the girl who I was 'dating' without ever telling them anything.
I know I really hurt some of those people. I had to block their myspaces from my computer to keep myself from checking on them, because I generally cared about them as friends. Some of them asked where I was and I had my friend tell them that I had committed suicide. I don't even know what has happened to those people or what their reactions were. I'm afraid to find out because I know they really did care about me.
For a while I stopped faking. But then over that summer I got bored and made another gaia account. This time I faked a girl whose pictures I found on bebo. I didn't get as many friends that time, and ended up making ANOTHER boy account. All in all, I probably have around 15 fake accounts on gaia, all of different people. I would spend hours looking for photos of people that I could use to make sure no one would find out I was fake. I photoshopped pictures of those people holding signs so I had 'proof'.
I know this makes me sound like a freak, but it really boosted my self esteem to know that I could make so many friends and even have people want to 'go out with me', something that never happened in real life. I've stopped that for a while, because I felt disgusted with myself and it was keeping me inside all day. The last time I faked a person was this summer and I haven't done it since.
But I'm afraid that I'm going to fake another account this Christmas break, when I'm away from my friends.
How can I stop this, and what is wrong with me? I really need help because I truly think that I am addicted to doing this.