what do i say to her about her dad?

my daughter was born with no dad he run off when i was pregnant so now she is 4 years old all her school friends have a mammy and a daddy she keeps saying where is my daddy? why dont i have a daddy my friends do. did my daddy not like me when i was born ? i know she is still a bit small to tell the hole truth to the fact her dad didnt want to know me and went out my life i dont have any contact info for him at all. also i was with a man for a few months she knew him as mammys friend but things went down hill and we broke up she started asking if it was her fault he went away like daddy went away what do i tell her ??

6 Answers

Relevance
  • pdooma
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm in the same boat but in our case mommy ditched. Which, actually is ok for me, but it is a little confusing for him.

    Honestly, I'd just say that people have different kinds of families. Some have a mommy and a daddy, some have just a mommy, some have just a daddy, some have two mommies and some have two daddies. So far that's working with my son and he also doesn't look shocked at my gay couple friends either, so two birds with one stone there.

    As far as going beyond that, I still don't really know. If you come up with anything really good let me know. Because in our case, saying he can find her or contact her later wouldn't work either and gives a sense of false hope.

    And if she asks if it's her fault, reassure her that she's never done anything that would make someone run away from her. I kind of silly it up for my son and ask him if he's chased me off yet when he chases me with his boogers and stuff. He ends up laughing and it softens the point.

  • me
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Tell her it takes a long time to pick out a perfect daddy and you aren't in a hurry cause things are just fine right now. Tell her getting the right daddy is complicated. Then when you are doing activities together explain what activities are complicated. Also tell her they don't have a store for daddy's so they are hard to find.

    Let her know a good daddy has 3 important jobs. To go to work, to make mommy happy and to be a good father. Explain that you expect him to do all 3 things. That the choice of a good husband is yours and right now you don't have a good choice to make. When you go to the store say hmmm we should get bananas. Then say oh these bananas don't look very good we don't have a good choice to make here we can see if there are bananas next time. Use that as a teaching tool.

    Reassure her that she is a great kid and deserves a great daddy and your great too and deserve a great husband and your not in a hurry to find one it'll happen.

    Do both of you a favor and find one, don't lock yourself away, get out there, check a dating service, join a club or gym take a night class. So many great guys around and they don't have stores for daddy's the bars don't count.

  • 1 decade ago

    Just explain to her that everybody is different. Some people have grans and grandads, others don't. You should explain to her that she is special because she just has a mammy who treats her just as special as her friends mammys and daddys do and she is loved just as much as anybody else. You should explain to her that not everybody has a mammy and daddy and some children dont have any at all which means she is very lucky to have a mammy who loves her so much.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Never tell a lie because you will have to cover it with another then you will forget what was the truth it is always best to be honest and to tell children the truth because they will imagine all sorts of imaginary stories in their heads. It was not you or your daughters fault that you have had to bring her up alone tell her that her daddy might get in touch with her when she is older , and for her not to worry that there a loads of little boys and girls who sometimes have only one parent to look after them. I realize it must be very hard on you as a lone parent but sometimes it is better to be on your own than with someone who does not want to be with you , take any kind of responsibility it is hard for you and your little girl emotionally and the old finical thing but you sound a loving and caring parent who thinks about your child's feelings and I commend you on that it is far better to have one loving parent that two squabbling ones . Good luck to you both.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    The best thing to tell her is that you do not know where he went, but she is able to find out when she is older. Is there ANY positive male role models you can introduce her to? Your father, brother, uncle, cousin?? While there is little you can do about her father, you should try to not badmouth him in front of her either. It would also be wise to not introduce her to "mammy's friends" untill you know the relationship will last.....

  • 1 decade ago

    Be honest. Tell her that she has a father but that you do not know where he is, and that if you are able to find out, you will let her know.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.