why am i so lonely in college?

it is my fourth month of freshman year in college, and i feel lonely always. heres the deal...in high school i was a cheerleader and i always had friends and a group to hang out with but since i got here i have no one. i have two roommates that are nice and friendly but we have NOTHING in common. at the begining of college i used to go to another school near by (because i plan on tranfering there next year) but i have gotten tired of the drive and decided to stay at my school more often. suddenly i feel like everyone made friends so fast and i am left out of everything. i have been to different parties and met a lot of people but it seems like it never goes any further than that. i talk to people in all of my classes and have study groups. so i have party friends and study friends but i dont have any friends that i feel comfotable enough to say "hey come get starbucks with me" ....am i just putting too much pressure on making friends? i also fear i could becoming socially awkward because it seems like the only time i meet people outside of class are when i am drunk at parties! AHH i need help!!

7 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    There could be several things going on here and without more information it is difficult to say with any certainty. I will try to give you some ideas of what I may be thinking.

    First issue is that you may have some unrealistic expectations regarding university. You may have expected that in high school you were popular and that popularity would continue at university. However so far you have been unable to identify the key elements that made you popular in high school and that you can use to help you here. My guess would be you were involved in activities in high school but not at university.

    Second issue may be that you are at the wrong university. It may be too far from home or too close. The school's mission statement and direction may be incompatible with what you believe. It may just be the school is not a good fit for you.

    Third issue may be that you have been put into a position that you are ill-equipped to handle. Meaning one day you are a high school student who just graduated and now you are in university having to make decisions for yourself. Sometimes if the introduction to university life is quick and you are not given some time to adapt it can be difficult transition to make. You may need to develop confidence in yourself and your ability to make decisions. Being thrown into a new situation can leave someone feeling as though they are in a dark room with no lights and no idea how to get out. Taking time to learn, observe, and ask questions sometimes provide the light that is needed to find your path.

    Fourth issue maybe that there is an issue at home that is "keeping you at home." Maybe it is a parent who tries to micromanage you, a boyfriend you miss, an ill family member, or some other issue that makes you feel as though you need to be home. You cannot be two places at once and need to allow yourself to feel a part of your university's community.

    Fifth issue from my experience having roommates sometimes can hamper your ability to make friends at university than actually help and sometimes having a private room helps. You may find that if you are able to have a private room you are a bit more relaxed and by relaxed meeting friends is easier.

    For you to solve this I believe it comes down to a combination of three things. One is being involved, the other communication, and third is being confident in yourself. You are in the position to know what combination you need and if you get a sense of the issue then you can work at solving it. My feeling the more you get involved and the more you get to know people the easier making friends will be. Do not force yourself or rush it as it will put more pressure on you. Instead let it happen and it should come natural to you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Just give it time. I'm also a freshman in college and I found it sort of depressing at first. I think it would be a little weird if you weren't a little blue; the whole college transition isn't much fun. But you'll make friends, don't worry. Keep going to parties, keep going to your study group, maybe join some sort of extracurricular, and most of all just try to relax (I know this is easier said than done). But you're a kid, it's time to have fun.

    Just don't put too much pressure on yourself : ) and good luck!

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  • shenk
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    I do not drink or do medications or social gathering, both. I do not believe that makes you dull; I believe it makes you more potent. If you are residing off campus, it may be a bit tougher to make peers, however there are approaches. Perhaps whilst you switch for your new college, you might become a member of golf equipment that curiosity you. I'm at a four yr tuition and there are such a large amount of special golf equipment and firms that it is nearly not possible to maintain up with they all. Take categories that you are enthusiastic about (and it is a double whammy in the event that they meet your foremost/commencement standards), on account that you'll be able to experience going to them and also you would meet individuals who're rather interested within the area subject as good. If you favor studying, become a member of a e-book membership. If you favor writing, become a member of the newspaper employees or a tender writer's membership. If you are passionate approximately international problems, there are lots of firms and businesses that you simply might get concerned in. If you favor song, become a member of the orchestra/choir or uncover others who experience it and make your possess neighborhood band. If you favor exercises, check out for one of the crucial groups. And if there is now not an institution for anything you are enthusiastic about, it is very handy to begin one your self! Getting your self available in the market might be a best strategy to meet a few individuals and make peers; partying isn't the one strategy to meet individuals and it certainly is not what tuition is all approximately. I wish that helped! I desire you success at your new tuition :]

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  • jm
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Give it time. At college there are so many different kinds of people eventually you will fall in with people you like to spend time with or go to Starbucks. If you like the school give things a chance. I went away to college, knew nobody at the school, and in time I found friends. Also, each year the friends changed due to circumstances. Good luck!

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  • Jesusa
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Oh I know you. you are that girl who gets drunk and makes a fool of herself at parties. Try and see yourself how others see you. Get involved in a charity/political/environment/sport group. Stop drinking and start studying.

    And as for having nothing in common - be willing to try new things, new ideas. Embrace change.

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  • 1 decade ago


    It is very difficult to make friends if you get drunk.

    Ask yourself - would you make friends willingly with a drunk?

    Today, people are attracted to other folk that to them, appear to be friendly and in control.

    My advice to anyone wanting to make friends is to behave in a normal friendly and sane manner.

    Friendships cannot be forced; they usually happen when people see that you behave in a responsible way and share common interests. Just be your own person, confident, friendly and nice to know. Very best wishes.

    Source(s): This is what attracts me to others.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Join intramural sports or clubs; start going to the gym or asking people from your residence hall to go out to lunch. Be proactive in asking other people to do things, since they're probably shy too.

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