Should I seek counseling?
I was molested as a child and the man who did it lives next to me still. It was two years ago when I told someone, who was a priest, and she told my parents. She asked if they wanted to take any legal action, and my parents told me that it was a "tough decision", but they decided not to. Lately, ever since I sat in front of him during Thanksgiving dinner, I've been going into cycles of irritability, loss of appetite, feeling hopeless, and people comment that I looked "sad", whenever I think of him or see him (which is once of twice a week).
The other day I requested therapy or counseling because I was tired of going into these cycles everytime I thought about my neighbor. My mother said that therapy was expensive and asked why I couldn't be like "everyone else" who "went through these problems" and just "forgive and forget already." Forgiving and forgetting is quite hard to do though. She told my father who had a talk with me this morning. My father says he decided not to press charges because when the molestation occurred, I was five and my neighbor was a teenager. He said my neighbor was "just a kid who didn't really know what he was doing" and that he was "like a son to him. He was repsectful to me and everyone else." My dad then said to me that he tried his best to "raise me as a good christian" and that I should "forgive and forget. Stop looking at that dark moment in your life and look ahead toward the future. Why can't you forgive this poor fellow already? He was just stupid back then, his intentions probably weren't grabbing me, locking the door, and touching me.". Really? He touched me multiple times. And why hadn't he apologize already if he was just "curious"? Basically, my dad is "advising" that I be a "good Christian" and stop sulking about it because "God wouldn't want that." Which to me is bull ****. Christians, please don't take offense.
Basically my parents won't pay for therapy or counseling and would probably get angry with me I try to seek even free counseling. I don't know what to do. I tried taking the "Christian" approach, telling "God" my problems, but "God" is the worst therapist out there as I tell "Him" my problems and "He" isn't doing anything about it.
Should I take give this Christian approach a second try by shutting my mouth, stop sulking, and forgive and forget as "God would want"? Should I see the counselor at my school or go up to my neighbor and demand an apology?
I just want to stop hurting everytime I think about my neighbor because I feel so betrayed by him. I try to move on, but I'm having a hard time. I really am.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Please seek counseling. No offense, but it's horrible that your parents aren't being supportive at all. However their "Christian" approach isnt going to help you in the long run. Holding things in is one of the worst possible things to do in any emotional situation. It only scars you, hurts you, and runs your life longer. However a school counselor may not be the right route (depending on how old you are), as they may seek legal action against your parents for neglect. (They ARE neglecting your needs. )
God does not want you to suffer, or at least the God I believe in dosen't. However God can only help so much in freeing you from the thoughts that control you. Some things are unforgivable. The person who touched you does not deserve to be forgiven and curiosity is NOT an excuse for molesting a child, or ANYONE for that matter. I do not suggest you demand an apology from your neighbor, not only does sorry not cut it, but his responce may be defensive or he may deny any claim to molesting you in the first place.
Proffesional counseling is the way to go, however you're stuck with your parents. Despite what I said earlier, try a school counselor anyway if it's your only option. Talking to someone is better than no one. I am really sorry that this happened to you and you do not deserve to suffer. If you believe in God, ask him for asistance, he will help along the way.
Godbless xx, I hope everything works out.
-Also, do any of your friends know? Maybe talking to them can help release some of the built up emotions. If you ever need any help or need to talk, feel free to email me at BellaBallistic@aim.com
- 1 decade ago
oh, im so sorry that your parents are not being supportive. what this guy did was WRONG, it doesn't matter if he is "nice" to other ppl. that is terrible that you have to have him in your house and still be around him. you should talk to your school counselor. your parents are required to report something like this, because odds are this guy will do it again to someone else and probably already has. you should report him, pedophiles don't just stop molesting kids. hopefully that will empower you and help save other kids from going through what you have. as far as forgiving, god does not expect you to automatically forgive ppl, it is a process. don't let ppl make you feel guilty for not forgiving, or tell you you're not a "good christian". forgiving also doesn't mean that there are not consequences for what ppl do. forgiveness is the process where you let go of things for your sake so you don't have to carry them around forever. forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. you can forgive someone and never want to see them or be around them. make sure that you get some counseling to help you through this. good luck.
- 1 decade ago
I feel your pain even though i was never molested but you should probably look for some counseling, you haven't gotten over it yet and it could effect the way you see men the rest of you life. i would talk to someone but be carful they might take you away from your parents and a foster home might be worse than where your at now. they might molest you again you really need a outside private counselor that will not report anything but if you go to the police yourself you will receive free counseling if you need it. That closure might help you feel better and him going to jail or prison might ease what happened and it was not an accident if it happened many times, so don't feel bad ok do what is best for you this is america home of the free not the petafiles thats thailand.
- elzeyLv 43 years ago
Routinely, however what is ironic is that the most up-to-date counselor I noticed did not advocate I difference as my spouse desired me to however instructed divorce maybe larger. MY spouse has NOT encouraged counseling because. On a major notice, nevertheless, Y!A is exceptional instead for counseling. Most activities recommendation is: "Get legit aid" or "go away him/her".
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- Anonymous1 decade ago