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How do I ask my bridesmaid to lose weight?

okay, I am getting married in a year, I am done picking out my bridesmaids dresses. Out of the 4 of them 3 look absolutely wonderful in their dresses, but the fourth is does not. Her figure makes her look ridiculous in the dress, and I absolutely refuse to change the dress, or remover her from being my bridesmaid. Now I know that if she lost some weight she would look great, but I can't find the words to say, or even the courage to ask her to lose the weight. How can I GENTLY ask her to lose the weight?

Update:

This question is CLOSED! I asked this 6 years ago, so I think the wedding already happened by now.

34 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    both of you get involved in a gym or simply go walking together2-3 times a week.. tell her that you don't want to do it alone and kind of trick her into it.. both of you get on a healthier path and you both benefit.. good luck and congrats.

    Source(s): life
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  • 4 years ago

    That's obnoxious for her to ask, but I think you also should be a little flattered. She wants you all to look good! I've heard of nasty brides telling their bridesmaids to gain weight so that the bride looks skinnier in pictures. THAT's a terrible bride. You don't HAVE to comply with this demand though. She's out of line thinking that she can control what anyone does with their body. My advice? Support her in her diet, and get a little healthier yourself. Make an effort, but not to reach the goal she set for you. Eat healthier (fruit instead of chips, little changes like that) and workout a little bit more than you normally do. It'll be good for you, your friend will be supported, and she will see that you made an effort. If she asks why you didn't reach 135, just tell her "muscle weights more than fat, and I've gained muscle." Yes, she is a bridezilla for trying to dictate this, but I can guarantee that there will be no reasoning with someone who would voice that demand in the first place.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Simply put - you don't! There could be several reasons she's of a larger size, and it's probably something she's had to deal with for a while. It might not even be possible for her to lose the weight - a genetic problem or medication for example. Think of it as something out of her control and move on.

    You're going to have to let her chose another dress, or find some kind of accessory that hides the "flaw." A shawl or wrap if it's a strapless dress, a different fabric in the same color if it's not strapless, a slightly different cut - a good seamstress can make it work.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You can't ask her to do that...that would be very rude of you, and not to mention hurtful. You obviously knew she was big when you asked her to be your bridesmaid, so why is this an issue all of a sudden? Maybe you shouldn't have asked her to be your bridesmaid if you had a problem with her weight. You can do one of two things now: tell her what you just wrote about her looking ridiculous in the dress and risk her backing out cause you hurt her feelings, or say nothing and proceed as normal. I would recommend the latter.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Kobiyashi, You can't ask her to lose weight. She is 100% aware of what her body looked like in that dress. I have to agree with some of the other posters, and say that you are being unfair. If you really want is best for her, then just be very tactful, and tell her your worried about her health. Tell her you've been reading up on different things that are related to being over weight, and you want her to be healthy. If losing the weight is really important to you, then go with her to see a registered dietitian, find her a good personal trainer, and start the journey with her. There is nothing wrong with being fit. I should know, 4 years ago I use to weigh over 300 lbs, and now I'm a very fit 155. I became a personal trainer, and I LOVE my job! You can't expect someone else to be the way YOU want them to be, you have to accept people for who they are. If you don't then that is something that you will have to work out for yourself.

    Source(s): myself.
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  • 1 decade ago

    There is NO gentle way to ask. There is absolutely nothing you can do that will not have hinting undercurrents of "You are fat," or "You look silly in that dress."

    Hell, the best you could do is invite her to work out with you, but if she ever refuses or turns you down, if you ask again or even try to press the issue slightly, she will get the "you are fat," hint.

    It's very common now to pick different styles of dress, in the same color, so that each dress suites the body type of the bridesmaid, but still matches.

    So consider making a compromise for your bridesmaid, before you consider insulting her.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Bridezilla much?

    You can't ask someone to lose weight! Choose a different dress if it bothers you that much. Or, let your bridesmaids pick a dress that they feel comfortable in. Yes, it is technically your day, but you don't get to change how someone looks!

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  • 1 decade ago

    No offense but your being unfair. People can't help the way they are. There is not EASY way to tell someone that they're fat and they need to loose weight. Again no offense but you sound very very very mean. If she is comfortable then okay. Maybe you could just get a bigger size? Because asking her to loose weight is like out of the picture. If you REFUSE to change the dress then your just being self centered. I understand that it is YOUR wedding and all but do you really have to be so rude? I feel sorry for you. And that she is still your friend. It doesn't matter what others think. On your wedding day you aren't even going to worry about it, you'll be to happy about getting married. When your old and think back on it then you'll feel bad

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You are a first class b*tch. How dare you ask your bridesmaid to loose weight? If she is comfortable with who she is, then she shouldn't change herself especially for you. I sincerely hope that she doesn't lose any weight and realizes that that you are a terrible friend. Get a life and stop being so self absorbed.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You must be kidding. Do HER a favor and ask her to step down from being a bridesmaid.

    Has it occurred to you that possibly she has tried (and failed?) to lose weight? Why on earth would a "friend" ask this of another friend? A friend accepts another no matter what they look like.

    OR....is this a family member? Again, you are treading on thin ice if you don't like the "look" of her in the dress. Do her a favor and ask her to step down.

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  • Maybe I shouldn't answer questions when I'm cranky, but why the **** didn't you pick a dress they'd ALL look good in? Blah blah, you refuse to change the dress, well you know what? It's your fault. Sure you can ask her to lose weight. You ask her like this "Hey, look...Would you mind getting in shape? I'd like you to feel as great as you can on my special day" - sure she may see through that niceness BS to the superficial crap that it is, but, honestly, no matter WHAT you say, as nice as you make it, it's going to look as bad as it is. Sorry, that's the truth. Unbelievable. You pick the dress, then you ***** about how someone looks in it. You choose a dress they ALL look good in, that suits ALL their frames and that compliments your colour scheme. Otherwise, what the hell is the point? You may as well just go to rent a bridesmaid. It isn't about supporting you on your big day obviously, it's about looking good. You KNEW she was big when you chose her, unless she packed on the pounds the moment you chose her, you have no right to ***** about a dress SHE doesn't look good in. Why would you pick a dress only 3 out of 4 look good in?? If you're fretting that much, you should ask ALL of them to "support you" while you start a "fitness circuit" or whatever. Sugamama has the best idea, but I'd go further and not ask just her, because she WILL see through that, but ALL of your bridesmaids to "help you get fit".

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