Can someone help me understand homosexuality?

So I'm a transsexual, I'm exclusively straight although I will admit I'm a bit bi-curious, so this isn't intended to offend anyone.

Well anyway, I don't really understand gay people. I don't see what could make a man want a man and want to be a man at the same time. Same with women. I can understand the sex part, but when it comes to the romance part I don't get it. Do they like flip a coin to see who will be the dominant and the submissive? Like in straight relationships women are submissive and men are dominant, but when you have two men together, how does that work?

Update:

I honestly feel as if two people of the same sex are kinda weird. I don't think its wrong I just think that it is creepy and don't see how it would work out. I don't like thinking that way. I would like to be as understanding as possible towards the LGB community.

15 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Ah, Denver. I love ya, girl, but really?

    Not all heterosexual men are dominant. Not all heterosexual women are submissive. Ever heard of the term "pegging"? And heck, even if he's not the one getting penetrated, penetration doesn't necessarily equal submission. There are plenty of straight couples where the woman wears the pants in the relationship, makes most big financial or household decisions, and when it comes to sex, she definitely goes into it being the dominant one, either just in attitude or even in sexual positions (on top instead of missionary, etc.).

    We tend to assume that femininity equals submission or passivity, but it just isn't true. Every relationship, whether gay or straight or lesbian or whatever, deals with power differentials in the same way- by doing what works best for them, based on their personalities and needs and desires for their relationship together.

    EDIT: Zafer- don't you think it's a bit dismissive of Denver's gender identity to say that she's trans because of her traditional views of gender roles?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    WHY would you assume that a same-sex relationship must involve a dominant and a submissive partner? that is completely invalid bullsh*t and rather ironic that it's coming from a transsexual.

    to speak for myself, in all my past relationship with men, neither of us was more dominant than the other, and that's how it's always gonna be for me.

    EDIT:

    it sounds to me that our hetero-centric society has done a great job drilling what gender roles should be in your head, and that's the reason you're trans.. I have a feeling that you could've been a gay man otherwise.

    EDIT2 @ Nathan: Actually, I'm fairly well-read in queer theory if I may say so, thank you. What you just did is re-stated my point: not all men are aggressive and all women are passive. What I said is that not all homo relationships involve a "dominant" and a "submissive" partner... Stop drawing parallels in all relationships to a hetero relationship with stereotypical gender roles.

    EDIT3: i just went on your profile and figured you're only 15, so I'm not gonna judge you by the fact you described homosexuality as "weird" and "creepy". I believe that once you mature a few more years you'll realize the other possibilities and that the HETERO SUPERMACY you have in your head is nothing short in ignorance than cis-genderism.

    to Gwennie-- i think it's very logical to connect the dots like i did if one is given the case of a female-identified person who is attracted to men and is explicitly expressing disgust of a same-sex relationship.. Think about it! Besides, this is coming from a 15 year old and neither sexual orientation or gender identity is fully clarified at this age.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hi. =)

    Actually there are straight couples that are somewhat atypical as well, when it comes to the gender roles. I'm currently in one of them. (My boyfriend is not submissive, exactly, but I think I am probably *more* dominant than he is, and when we got together *I* was the aggressor, the person taking most of the initiatives, not him.)

    ..Attraction and gender identity seem to be somewhat immutable. Just like you identify as a woman and probably would find it difficult to identify as a man, I too identify as a woman, and always have. It's just that I also just so happen to be *attracted* to women, and I did not choose it. Just like you didn't choose to be attracted to guys either. (Or at least I assume you didn't.)

    So when that is given, some people just so happen to be guys and also be attracted to other guys, etc, I think what gender roles they adopt has a lot to do with PERSONALITY. There are submissive and dominant guys out there and there are submissive and dominant gals out there. Sometimes there are clear-cut roles which are a lot like the roles in an average heterosexual relationship. Take butch-femme lesbian couples, for instance.. Often they work in approximately the same way as straight relationships, but not always.

    ..Then there are lesbian relationships where none of the people involved are *completely* butch or *completely* femme. I've been in two such relationships, and it works perfectly fine. What happens is, there is not just ONE person wearing the pants. It is possible to SHARE that role, if not evenly, then at least *somewhat*. Even though I was the one who started hitting on my then girlfriend, SHE just as well could have, and often, after we got together, SHE was the one taking the initiative.

    ..Hope that helped. Tell me if you have any questions. =)

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  • Joan
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    While I appreciate and understand your desire to start a meaningful conversation, think about what happens when people come to the LGBT board and ask questions that are even perceived to be mean spirited. They get trashed with similar nonsense. The internet, where people feel free to spout whatever crap happens to pop into their mind and then pat themselves on the back for "proving" their point with cleverness, is not the best place to seek such conversation. At least not on boards anyone can join. That said, religion itself is not really the major roadblock. People's stereotypes, their misconceptions, their unwillingness to think critically (not insulting critical, logical critical), their fear of what they don't understand, these are the things that stand in the way of people understanding homosexuality. Religion has nothing to do with people thinking homosexuals are promiscuous. It may be a forum to promote that belief but it isn't the origin of the belief. Some people take whatever religion says and go with it, period. They believe AIDS is God's judgment never thinking about the people who get infected through partners who cheat or blood transfusions. They believe Katrina was God's judgment on New Orleans never realizing the French Quarter (what they would consider the den of inequity) was never under water. People do the same thing with political party affiliation or club memberships. If it weren't religion it'd be something else.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    People are naturally either sub or dom to some extent I think and also not all straight couples consist of dom male and sub female.

    Zafer: go learn something about transsexuality, it's not all to do with gender rolls, there are 'butch' transwoman and femme transguys.

    edit: Zafer the top bit when I stated not all woman in straight relationships are sub was for the asker. Also why attack the asker so much? She asked an honest question.

    Source(s): a transman who likes men.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Well, obviously I cant answer the whole romance thing but different genders are attracted to either same or not same genders but, when it comes to submissive and dominant part, I guess they make there own decision on that.

    Source(s): no source
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  • 1 decade ago

    most gay guys lean to a dominant or a submissive role,,, and then many can change it up... it's part of getting to know each other dear...

    i will say that if your really good at it that your willing to switch it up just a little...

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  • 1 decade ago

    How can you attempt to place yourself on a pedestal as a "Trans-sexual" while cajoling the roles played in a "gay" relationship?

    I guess your opening statement explains it all.

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  • pj
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    <giggle> people have been trying to understand human sexuality for eons....and you wanna know what, denver? i think you understand it about as well as any of us. the thing is....most of us don't understand what dynamic is behind any of our sexual needs, preferences and orientations. they just are what they are.

    you know i am transsexual as well, but just the opposite of you...i always thought of myself as unalterably gay. but since surgery i have become "bi-curious" as well. that came as something of a shock to me. i never thought that i could ever be interested in sex with a man. but, you know...poo poo happens.

    i doubt i'll ever actually do anything about it. i'm one happily married woman and there is no way my curiosity could lead me to risk hurting my beloved annie. but....as a matter of self-acceptance, i don't deny the feelings...i can explore them without cheating.

    my feelings aren't dependent on the norm, or how others feel...they are all about me. i choose to face things honestly and without judgment. that's how i got to know me and how i hope to stay in touch. so i suggest you don't put too much time and energy into trying to understand why others feel like they do, spend more of it keeping in touch with how you feel and what can fulfill your individual needs.

    much love and hope. pj

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  • 1 decade ago

    usually thru dialogue. when you get to meet someone. you talk...and find out each others likes and dislikes. Some people will just have sex to explore themselves and see what they like or dislike. it is a constant journey of self-discovery. nothing is absolute.

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