I am a caregiver - how to potty train when the parents aren't consistent?

I take care of my 3 yr old nephew during the day and his parents say we are "potty training" however they are not putting him on the potty, using the charts, even discussing it with him except to say "if you would go on the potty you wouldn't get owies on your butt." once in awhile. As part of our arrangement I provide diapers for their 2 kids with the money I am paid to watch them. They have had him in pull-ups now for about 6 months and I personally think it is getting ridiculous. They think the pull-ups will train their kid, and obviously, it is not working. I think that the pull-ups are a waste of my money,and if he is going to be told "its ok to go poopy in your pants at auntie's house" that he should be in diapers still. And if I am supposed to be training him, why tell him it is ok to go in his pants at my house? I am at my wit's end. I tried to catch him when he went to poop and get him on the toilet for a few days straight, but was told to just leave him. They told me I made him scared to poop at my house and now he holds it in till he gets home and it causes stomach aches, so to tell him he can hide and go in his pants. I don't know what kind of training that is! I successfully trained my own 3yr old, so I am just confused.. . should I just give up until they get more serious about it? Should I tell her that 4-5 pull ups a day is crazy expensive compared to diapers and she will have to start paying for them? I just don't know what to do anymore!!!!


we had a set amount of money that I was paid each week that included diapers, wipes, and food, which worked fine when it was diapers. But now that it is pull-ups it is costing more which means I am getting paid less. I personally dont care if they dont want him trained right now- one more diaper to change wont kill me, but the stress of being the only one training is getting to me, along with the fact that they tell him his pull-ups are big boy pants. Its going to be harder when he actually gets into underwear because all this time he has been told it is ok togo in his "big boy pants." The poor kid is probably so confused. I would buy diapers, but I think he will tell his mom, and it is HER kid so I kind of have to do what she asks with him . . .

Update 2:

and the last time I had him in underwear, not only did he pee on the floor - but he threw all the books off the shelf then stood on top of them to pee . . .

8 Answers

  • 1 decade ago

    I pottytrained my fiances son who will be 3 in February. We bought him pull ups, but after a while it was very costly. So what he did was pull the diaper down when he had to use the restroom, or take it off, and put it back on. That's just an idea. We have full custody of the boys, but when they go to their mothers, they come back fighting, and he comes back peeing on himself.

    Some people just put the child in underwear, and most don't like the feeling of actually being wet, so they train themselves.

    Pull ups do nothing, but like said, pull up. They are easier to pull up and down, just like underwear, they feel like a diaper, they do not help.

    I've also heard of showing the child what to do, you could suggest that to them, but from the sound of it, they wouldn't bother.

    You shouldn't give up, if you can help it. He needs to be potty trained, a good friend of mine potty trained her son before he turned 2.

    If he wasn't afraid to potty at your house, I would almost suggest putting him in the corner, if nothing else is working. Or maybe you could see if he can stay a couple weeks with you. If he has pottied in the toilet, he is recognizable to that toilet. If you can be persistent with him, since it's obvious they aren't. Then he should eventually give in. 2 weeks should be enough to give him a start, a week is fine to. Just a suggestion. I'm sorry you're going through this.

    And if none of this work, do have them pay for the pull ups. You cannot afford that, although you get money babysitting.

    Source(s): I know how you feel about pottytraining, like I said, I pottytrained my fiances son... The first time I ever tried teaching him to use the restroom, he went to our pantry (which is less than 5 feet away from the BR) and did a stinker, right there... Now that he's trained, he sometimes pees on the wall, I'm having a bit of trouble teaching him what not to do, he outsmarts me! Talk to his mother about the diapers, tell her you cannot afford pullups, ask her if she would mind helping you out with the cost of pullups, or if she would mind if you put him in diapers and pulled them down, due to you not affording them. I know you don't want to do this (and I don't blame you) But I've also heard people getting their kid completely naked, to where they learn how everything works. I've heard it works great, they'll pee on the floor, but eventually they'll learn... But you said he took your books off, so I doubt you would consider it, and I don't blame you, just a thought. Good Luck!
  • Jeni
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    For what it's worth, I was potty trained by the babysitter. My mom said she didn't even want to try to train me after my older brother was such a nightmare, so it can be done! I would definitely tell the parents that they have to provide the pull-ups because you cannot afford them. Or maybe invest in some underwear for your house, if he poops in them it might be more incentive to go in the potty. Then you just rinse out the undies and throw them in the wash. I had to do this with my son for a while because the diapers just suck in all the moisture and boys especially don't mind sitting in their own filth.

    Sorry you're having problems with the parents but don't give up!

  • 1 decade ago

    You've got the right idea. If they start paying for pull ups, they'll get serious about it soon enough! You cannot train a child part time. It confuses them, and actually makes it take longer than it should. You could tell them you're putting him back in regular diapers until he is ready to go in the potty on his own. Boys usually aren't ready to consistently go in the potty until a little later than girls. So, you might just keep him in diapers until he is ready.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You have already said the best solution. Put him back in regular TAPE DIAPERS not the pull-up diapers. If you are buying the diapers, and the parents are not helping out and the kid obviously is not ready to train, I would be diapering him in regular diapers the minute he gets in the door. If the parents are telling the child its okay to potty and poop your pants, then that's what diapers are for and if it were me, I would not even go down the road of explaining or you can say you ran out of pull-up diapers and the only thing you has was regular diapers which they both are diapers anyway and I would just diaper him. They have already given him permission to mess his pants so he might as well be in diapers. My vote is to diaper him in regular tape diapers. (As you can see i've used one word over and over to get my point across of what he needs to be wearing...DIAPERS)..lol

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  • DeeGee
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Well, it's hard b/c you aren't the parent but you ARE the caregiver and you DO buy the diapers so you should have quite a bit of say in this.

    I would first sit them down and say "Do you want your child to be potty trained at this age or do you feel it can wait?" IF they say they want it now, then you need to seriously tell them that youa re going to go about it in such and such way and either they are on board or not. That should include, no more pull ups, etc.

    If they say it can wait, then tell them you no longer feel that you should have to provide diapers (and/or pull ups) because you feel he is beyond the age of needing them.

    I think you have every right to have a say in this, but you need to establish some rules with the parents and make sure they are on board. If they continue to "sabotage" your efforts, then just let him go in his pants and let them clean/wash them.

  • 1 decade ago

    why on earth are you paying for the pullups!??? if they want him in them, they pay - end of subject.

    this is why, in general, you don't do business with friends and family - they're the first to take advantage.

    btw: i like the idea of having the parents wash the poopy pants - in fact, i'd go so far as to bundle the pants up, poop and all, into a tightly-tied plastic bag and they can have the fun of sorting it all out when they get home!

    and seriously? don't sweat it - if he's not trained now, he will be eventually. it's nothing you want to put your blood pressure up over.

  • 1 decade ago

    Here's an idea: If they won't potty train, why worry about it? If you must by his diapers, then buy regular diapers not Pull-Ups.

    It isn't your responsibility to potty train him, nor should you be required to buy his diapers. His parents are failing him, not you.


  • 1 decade ago

    i dont understand why you are buying diapers/pull ups for someone elses child?

    that seems like the responsibility of the parents.

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