Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會及文化語言 · 1 decade ago

如何改善無連結性的文章?

最近總係覺得作英文文怪怪地.

所以希望搵人幫手睇睇.

好似好無連結性.

當然好希望有人幫手重寫.

同埋想問下英文程度黎講可唔可以接受.

本人中4.

==============================

Essay

Dear Vincent:

Hello, how it’s going in Hong Kong? I’m in United States for 3 months already. I though home sick was a big problem that to overcome, however, I haven’t sighed for my home. I was sick at few days ago. It felt bad and I went to the hospital. I want to tell you good news, here have some people play baseball and it’s really funny. Remember I told you that I don’t really like the food from the Canteen? I think I adapt the food already. The thing that made me surprised that here have a lot of Chinese and there have a Chinese restaurant in the down town.

I remember that you told me you wanted to study in the States and you told me that if the school that I study is good, I can recommend to you. I think my school is good enough to recommend to you. It’s an international school and near New York City. You can meet a lot of foreign friend here. On Monday to Friday, I usually study hard and do my homework. On Saturday and Sunday, I can go to New York or the mall with my friend. The environment can make you hard working. The worst thing that in this school is we have a “study time” on every Monday to Thursday from 7 o’clock to 9’clock. Actually, it’s bad for me, I know that you are hard working and you want to practice your English. The school rules are severe and I think you should like it. You can pay attention in class and you can learn a lot of idioms and vocabulary in class. The teachers are nice. If you have something that about study, you can ask the teachers and they will be helpful to help you.

I hope we can be classmate again and play together. Be careful to your health because I just heard Nathan that have a lot of people sick in Hong Kong. Keep in touch!

You friend,

Ken

Update:

食字...

不過關係唔大.

3 Answers

Rating
  • Jenkin
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Since this is an education process, I hope you wont' mind if I rewrite the letter as if it was mind. I studied in the US for over 7 year also. Share your feelings.

    Dear Vincent:

    Hello, how’re you in Hong Kong?

    I felt very home sick and sighed a lot. I was sick a few days ago and needed to go to the hospital. I just heard from Nathan that a lot of people got sick in Hong Kong. Take care of yourself during this epidemic.

    I’ve been in the United States for 3 months already. I think I have adapted to the Canteen food already and begin it like it. But the really good news is I’ve discovered there is a Chinese restaurant at downtown here.

    You told me I should tell you if my school is good or not for your consideration to study in the States. It is an international school near New York City. You can meet a lot of foreign friends here. I usually study and do my homework from Monday to Friday when the atmosphere is intense. On the weekends, I can go to New York or go to the mall with some friends. The worst of part of school is the long hours of classes and studies that can go from 7:00am to 9:00pm Monday to Thursday. The rules at school are strict and I think you would like it. You seems to like concentrating in classes and I am sure you will learn a lot of English vocabulary and idioms here. Teachers here are very nice and they are very helpful with our studies.

    I hope we can become classmates and play together again.

    Keep in touch.

    Your friend,

    Ken

    Note: I've reused all your contents except the baseball sentence, which is quite irrelevant. Until you have some more to say about baseball....

    Best wishes!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    您好,我推薦您一個非常不錯的英語學習網站,里面有很多非常不錯的學習資源,您能從中得到不少幫助:

    http://www.hkenglishstudy.info

    祝您好運!

  • 1 decade ago

    你的英文不難理解,比起許多同級學生可算是中規中矩。

    寫文章先要清楚自己想說些甚麼,然後順序寫出來便會易讀。若你未做得到邊想邊寫的話,先起草簡單大綱會是個好主意。

    記住要多分段,每點都開新段,文章會更簡潔易讀。

    你對 tenses 有基本概念,這是個好開始。然而,看得出你未於文法上痛下苦功;故此許多表達手法仍未熟練,有時不免予人單調累贅的感覺。建議你多讀英文小說之餘,還要對文法作深入研究:

    Dear Vincent,

    Hello! how's life in Hong Kong?

    I've already been in the United States for 3 months. Home sick is a big problem, though I'm trying my best not to think too much. Just a few days ago, I was sick enough to go to the hospital.

    Hey, lets talk about something good. People here love baseball. It's real fun!

    Remember I told you that I didn't really like the food in the cafeteria? I think I'm used to it now.

    What surprised me is that there're a lot of Chinese here and there's even a Chinese restaurant down town.

    I remember you want to know whether my school is good. Yes, it is! It's an international school near New York City. Here, you can make friends with people from all over the world. On weekdays, I'm usually busy with my studies. At weekends, I often go to the mall or New York City with friends.

    The environment here makes you work hard. We have a "study time" from 7pm to 9pm (Monday to Thursday), which is tough for someone as lazy as I but must be welcome by someone as hard-working as you. By the way, the school discipline is strict, and I think you should like it.

    As long as you can pay attention in class, you can learn a lot of idioms and greatly expand your vocabulary. The teachers are nice and willing to help. I know you always want to study in the United States. I would highly recommend my school to you. It'll be great if we can be classmates again. I look forward to learning and playing together with you here soon!

    Nathan told me that a lot of people got sick in Hong Kong. Take good care of yourself and keep in touch!

    Your friend,

    Ken

    2009-11-24 23:26:43 補充:

    Thank you 002 for your exceptional performance. I enjoy watching it!

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