Do you like the being of my story/book? What could I do to improve?

Chapter 1

Longing for you, I found my self under the moonless night sky. The walk to the lagoon didn’t take long. My mud stained New Balance’s covered the once familiar terrain easily. Feet sinking into the mud, and slipping on the moss the trees that rose to the night sky disappeared and opened into a sandy clearing. Squinting, I could make out the lagoon.

I took my shirt off; the perspiration had already dampened it. One by one my garments hit the sand until there was nothing left. Just skin. I waded in. One foot in front of the other I made my way out. The water was so calm against my racing heart. You should be here I thought, I paused and then continued on. When the water reached my neck, I floated onto my back and stared at the sky. There was no moon tonight. Just stars, each one held a promise, promises I intended to fill.

Chapter 2

Walking up the wooden steps, I was heaving my back pack bulging at every opening was slipping off my shoulders. One hand on the strap the other the railing, the last few steps were less of a chore. My door in sight, my pace quickened and upon turning over the floor mat was relieved to see my key still in place. My door swung open slowly revealing my dark loft. I turned on a light revealing my high ceilings. I dropped my back, now unzipping at the seams on the brown leather couch on my couch at the other end of the room and made my way over to the kitchen counter.

The flight wasn’t long yet I was still glad to be home. Tomorrow would be busy and I needed all of tonight to prepare. Green tea in hand I made my way to the bed room. Trading my worn blue jeans and red v neck for low cut black sweat pants and my favorites top-an organic cotton, faded yellow, with “love one, love all” across the front I made my way back to the couch.

I sat Indian style and the wooden floor began to chill my feet as relieved the bulging backpack of its belongings.


1 Answer

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer


    OMG THT WAS ONE OF THE BEST STORIES I'VE READ ON HERE!!!!! (and I've read like 6 stories LOL) If this is a series or novel you should totally publish it...put it on this website...

    BTW: Because your such a good writer could you help me with my novel, just start me off with a paragraph if you can, which u probably can because ur REALLY CREATIVE.....this story is AWESOME!!!!!

    Here is the link to my question...PLEEZ answer......;_ylt=An0lA...

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