? asked in HealthMental Health · 1 decade ago

Help? I want to kill myself?

I'm Brianna.

Yeah, I should tell you my story.

I need someone to understand what I'm going through.

I'm 15. My life in unfair. My family is dysfunctional. They're druggies, drinkers, smokers, and my parents are constantly at eachother. They're seperated, I was the result of a one night stand between my parents. I'm totally ignored by both my mother and father, I honestly think they just don't want me around.

I may have a best friend, Kayla, who sticks by me no matter what, but she has her own troubles at the moment and I can't burden her with my troubles.

I have zero self esteem. I'm completely convinced that I'm undescribably ugly.

I lost my virginity at 13 to my first boyfriend, Sean. I thought I was in love with him, until he cheated on me, twice.

My second boyfriend, Harrison, pretty much just used me for sex.

My current boyfriend, Brenden James (BJ) doesn't understand me. I can't break up with him cause he says that if I do, he's gonna kill or hurt himself.

I feel like a total whore.

My mother's boyfriend bashed her a few months ago. He spent some time in jail but now he's back home with my mother & me. I'm scared to death that he'll hurt us again. My mother doesn't need this. She's too vulnerable.

I may be smart, but I'm failing school. I can't concentrate anymore. I feel so bad cause I feel like I'll end up having no future.

And to top it all off, one of my friends Troy says that he's gonna take his own life, and I can't stand losing him, I'd just rather go with him

I have no hope anymore. i do know that suicide isn't the answer, but my depression is overcoming me and I feel like I have no choice.

Can someone please help me?

I'm scared that I'm gonna go through with it....

Here's a picture of me..

Am I really as ugly as I think I am?

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=Y%2FhLISduVV4D...

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=Y%2FhLISduVV41...

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=Y%2FhLISduVV6i...

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=Y%2FhLISduVV4d...

Please help me :(

I'm losing hope...

Update:

I loved my blue hair. It's bleach blonde now cause blue hair is a really hard colour to keep up.

29 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Stop blaming yourself for other people's actions. Your mother, your friends.... you have your own problems to deal with. They have their own they need to come to terms with. You need to take care of yourself and find something that YOU love. A hobby, an activity, something silly.... anything. Don't worry so much about the future. Things will happen as they happen, and everything will fall into place.

    And really, you're not ugly at all. You're really rather pretty. :)

    The best advice I could probably give you is take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Baby steps. If things get too stressful or you become really depressed, sit back a second, take a deep breath, and sort out your head. Think of why things are bothering you and what you can do to fix them. And it doesn't have to be anything major. You say you're having problems in class? Make one of your goals for that day to stay attentive through a certain class. Or something easy that seems almost silly. Give yourself little goals to accomplish each day, and then when you start getting a hold of the little things, try to take on something a little bigger. Don't bit off more than you can chew, just take every day as it is.

    I hope things get better for you. You seem like a very nice girl, and you look beautiful. You just have to let yourself realize that you are. :)

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm just gonna be vague in order to keep your attention. You're beautiful, and I wish that I had the strength that you obviously have. If you've held on this far, you should be strong enough to keep going. I know that you're not alone in this struggle, because I've had friends who have gone through the same bs that you're going through now. Just hold on and stay strong! Just think, if you take your own life, how much more damage would it do to your mother. You just have to be strong for the both of you. Also, you say go with Troy like you're going somewhere with Troy after you die. If you believe in an after-life than that must mean that you believe in a higher power. You should look more into that and think about religion, possibly.... I'm not preaching to you though. I'm 22 and still haven't found religion yet, but I believe in a higher power. Just hang on and every thing will be okay!

  • Lisa
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Listen, your baby isn't even aware of anything at this point. It can't be scared and will have no concept or understanding of even existing. Yes you're too young to have a child, especially if you can't raise or take care of it, but killing yourself does nothing. Since you believe in god and heaven why not just wait and live your life until you die of natural causes? You'll be with it eventually regardless. Honestly it sounds like you're really not thinking clearly and need some help. Talk to someone ASAP.

  • First, I don't think you look ugly. That was not my impression when I saw your pics. Second, you must understand that society puts extreme pressure on people to try to make them look or act in certain ways. It is just that, pressure, it isn't truth or anything like that. When you get older you will begin to realize this more, I think.

    Second, don't worry about boyfriends so much. Society pressures people to have boy or girlfriends because society wants to make sure that people reproduce and produce a new population. You don't even need a boyfriend if you don't want one.

    Remember, you were born with unique talents and those talents are meant to be applied to make the world better for yourself and others. Good and bad phases will come and go.

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  • 1 decade ago

    1. you should not put photos of you online

    2. your friend troy needs immediate help. if your serious, threats of physical punishment to yourself or another is the only thing that can elicit the breaking of confidentiality, thats how serious it is, immediately talk to your guidance counselor, a teacher, your mom, call the police if you need to

    3. trust me when i say this, just trust me, we have all been 15 and all had the same feelings. but we have not all talked to someone about it and made the process much harder for ourselves...you need to immediately talk to a teacher or guidance counselor as well.

    4. stop having sex so young...just stop. i can give you tons of statistics that say your chances of becoming pregnant while a teenager or contracting an std are incredibly high but im sure that will not get to you, so all i can tell you, is just to stop.

    5. love does not equate to sex

    6. love at 15 just does not happen..do not follow your urges

    7. focus on school...the best thing you will ever have in your life is your education

    rmr, talk talk talk...break the silence with someone you trust, not a peer, but a teacher, a boss, a counselor at school

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    you are cute I think you look really good in pic number 4. Im not a fan of the blue hair you should go back to whatever it was then. You should break up with your bf and tell him to man up and quit being a pussy about it. You and Troy should go to counseling you could go together if it makes you feel more comfortable. But you are awesome and you just need to realize that.

  • 1 decade ago

    yea, sometimes you think things are so bad that you cant take it...but then you go through it and you will always feel better eventually. its always that way. just get through it. pick up those grades...go to college...cuz its the best way to get away. ur gonna have to deal with it until then.

    Oh and btw...posting ur pic on here to see if ppl think your ugly or not is just askin for trouble. not that your ugly but ppl will say so whethere you are or you arent. There are also people on here that will tell u to just go and commit suicide. They really can't help themselves that they're stupid...but you can be smart.

  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    there's no going back if u do this. just remember there's people who would long to have a life like u have, u should appreciate it and not waste it. we all feel this way at times, yours has just gone on a little longer. open your eyes. imagine seeing someone in a car crash and the expressions on the faces of the family members in the car with them. they weep and weep, they pray and beg, they would do anything for that persons life back, and your just going to waste yours? your going to inflict that pain upon your family, parents holding there child's body, and they'll probably blame themselves for the rest of their lives and feel as you do now. see a doctor or physiatrist to sort u out, there's no shame in it. please think carefully. 2 years ago a member of yahoo posted a very long answer to a similar question, their name is 'death cab' I think, search him up if u want to read his thoughts, they are very well said and I couldn't agree more. (apologies for his name)

    hope this helps

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's a good thing I saw your question, because I have the magic solution that you have not thought of yet...

    Here it is, are you ready?

    Tomorrow or some time this week, you are going to acquire a guitar (acoustic or electric, or a microphone to sing with) and you are going to start learning how to play it. (or sing)

    It's real easy, and when I was about your age, my parents divorced, and to deal with their wackiness, I hid away in my room learning to play guitar.

    I wrote heart-wrenching songs about pain and unloved feelings and whatever I was bummed about at the time, and it worked like magic. I felt better about myself and everybody else around me, and I realized that "I" am okay even if everybody else around me "isn't okay..."

    Got it?

    You must reach deep inside yourself and let that rock music hero come out, and to hell with anybody who is bumming you out. You are like "Sarah Conner" from the movie "The Terminator" and you will not let life get you down.

    The future of rock music needs you...

    Now dress a little more rock music style, get a stiletto blade you keep strapped to your thigh, and stop letting boyz have sex with you for a while (because you're right, they just want sex when they're that age), and take pride in being somebody who learned the hard way that "the hard way" is not the only or best way, and anybody can do better than that, especially "you," who are in reality, a very intense and loving person inside, and you deserve respect and dignity from your peers, and if they won't accept that, you will get a whiffle ball bat and beat them all senseless over the head until they fricken start to "rep-ree-zent" and respect you as a young woman and a force of nature to be reckoned with...

  • 1 decade ago

    PLEASE..make sure none of your friends or yourself do ANYTHING to hurt yourself..three of my classmates lost their lives this week due to a motor vehicle accident and one to suicide. i cannot urge you enough of the pain the entirecommunity is suffering from. i cannot stop grieving and crying hun, and i didn't know them. you are not ugly at all...and in fact, you are very pretty(i love your hair...:]..), you remind me of bri..one of my friends who was involved in the accidents. everyone understands that people can have serious pain but suicide makes everything worse. you have been through an incredible amount of s**t but you are not worthless..(sorry for the language)..if you are on this earth, there is a reason for it. think of kayla. she loves you, and what will she do? tell troy to not take his life....urge your boyfriend to ease off and try to settle things out..

    If necessary, talk to a counselor and try to find a foster home or community center that can provide a family for you..not irresponsible parents. if you feel insecure, change it. discover your talent, art, music, sports, making others happy...look at the things you appreciate, and don't allow the negatives in your life to overdose the positives. i feel for you although i do not personally know you hun. Brianna you are beautiful, and you don't deserve to get hurt anymore....<3..Please..think of yourself..YOU do not deserve this, and neither does anyone else...<3

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