? asked in HealthMental Health · 1 decade ago

Help? I want to kill myself?

I'm Brianna.

Yeah, I should tell you my story.

I need someone to understand what I'm going through.

I'm 15. My life in unfair. My family is dysfunctional. They're druggies, drinkers, smokers, and my parents are constantly at eachother. They're seperated, I was the result of a one night stand between my parents. I'm totally ignored by both my mother and father, I honestly think they just don't want me around.

I may have a best friend, Kayla, who sticks by me no matter what, but she has her own troubles at the moment and I can't burden her with my troubles.

I have zero self esteem. I'm completely convinced that I'm undescribably ugly.

I lost my virginity at 13 to my first boyfriend, Sean. I thought I was in love with him, until he cheated on me, twice.

My second boyfriend, Harrison, pretty much just used me for sex.

My current boyfriend, Brenden James (BJ) doesn't understand me. I can't break up with him cause he says that if I do, he's gonna kill or hurt himself.

I feel like a total whore.

My mother's boyfriend bashed her a few months ago. He spent some time in jail but now he's back home with my mother & me. I'm scared to death that he'll hurt us again. My mother doesn't need this. She's too vulnerable.

I may be smart, but I'm failing school. I can't concentrate anymore. I feel so bad cause I feel like I'll end up having no future.

And to top it all off, one of my friends Troy says that he's gonna take his own life, and I can't stand losing him, I'd just rather go with him

I have no hope anymore. i do know that suicide isn't the answer, but my depression is overcoming me and I feel like I have no choice.

Can someone please help me?

I'm scared that I'm gonna go through with it....

Here's a picture of me..

Am I really as ugly as I think I am?

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=Y%2FhLISduVV4D...

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=Y%2FhLISduVV41...

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=Y%2FhLISduVV6i...

http://tinypic.com/usermedia.php?uo=Y%2FhLISduVV4d...

Please help me :(

I'm losing hope...

14 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    I'd be more than happy to talk to you if you want. My sn on AIM is knh1222. Suicide is not the answer trust me. I can tell you more if you IM me.

  • 1 decade ago

    I know what your going through. I went through the same thing when I was 16. My boyfriend that I lost my virginity to at 14 left after he cheated on me with my best friend, and then my new boyfriend used me for sex. I was abused and my mother didn't pay much attention to me unless she was yelling, and my father was a useless alcoholic. (They were divorced too) The only reason I'm telling you this is because I tried suicide at 16 because I felt alone, and hopeless. But I learned that I wasn't alone, and your not either obviously. Sometimes people are just given an unfair hand, but if your strong enough to seek help then your strong enough to survive it. Trust me there is so much to live for. I got out of the situation I was in and now I'm in school to be a child psychologist and I volunteer with Americorps. I am happy now and the things that troubled me at 16 seem silly. You can control your own life, so if you want to be happy then just be strong and believe in yourself even if everything seems extremely too hard. And also don't let anyone tell you it's just hormones, although there are kids starving in Africa that doesn't change the fact that your suffering, or excuse it. So ignore people who say ignorant things. If you want a friend my email is cvincil@yahoo.com. Also remember your going through something that a lot of people didn't and will not have to go through so that alone makes you beautiful.

  • Dancie
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    awww you're gorgeous. And I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. I wish I'd looked that good at 15!

    You shouldn't kill yourself just because you're in a temporary bad situation. You're almost 18, and when you are you can leave and do anything. You've survived a bad life for 15 years... why kill yourself, after going through all that, before you even get to experience the best parts of life? Don't be worried about school or money, things like that really aren't so important. What's important is finding out what you love in life, and doing it!

  • 1 decade ago

    First of all get rid of BJ. He is just trying to control you and it might end up with him hurting you if he can't control you with the threats to hurt himself.You don't deserve to be "bashed" by him or anyone else. It's your life and you are the one to chose who you will be with. Go to the school counselor before this gets out of hand with him. I'm glad you have a friend who sticks by you. I know you are in a lot of pain but It would hurt your friend so much if you did anything to yourself.I think you should stick by her and talk out your problems together and stay away from boys for a while.I know your parents ignore you but don't use boys as a way to get the love that you are missing at home.Is there a teen support group in your area? Ask the counselor for some resources so you can take care of yourself and let her know whats going on at home with the domestic abuse , that you have suicidal feelings and how all those things are affecting your grades Maybe you can get the your moms boyfriend put in jail again before he hurts your mom or you and get a restraining order . You are only 15 and you have the time to plan ways to make a good future for yourself but first you need to be safe.Call a hot line to talk to someone. You don't need to give out your name, just tell them how depressed you feel.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    Don't lose hope. Trust me. As a US Marine I have dealt with death a lot more than I like to admit. I also have had parents that have been about what you explained. There is no reason to end you life. Trust me you will be able to fight through it and overcome it! I delt with the same kind of feelings and now I'm fighting every day for the freedom of people like you. So don't make the work that i do and the sacrafices that my friends have made for nothing. Just hang in there.

  • 1 decade ago

    Ok i have a lot to say about this and im not going to say it all because i will be typing all night. But ok you are right ending your life is NOT the answer i know it might seem that way. If you are afraid of your moms boyfriend and you think he might hurt you or your mom you need to get help. I know that might not seem right thing to do or it might be a VERY scary thought but it is what needs to be done. At the end of this i'm going to put some numbers you can call to get help. Do not be afraid to call them they will help you. If everything is the way you say it is you need to seek help NOW. You need to stay strong things will get better. It may not seem like it. If you kill your self you will never get to see the future you may think that is a good thing but it is not. The future once you get out of the house can be whatever you want. If being with your boyfriend is not making you happy you have to end the relationship. Give your boyfriend the numbers i put at the end of this you both need help. right now you need to do what is best for you not anyone else. You need to be with people that make you happy. You need to do things that make you happy. Do your best in school i can not image how hard it is for you to focus on school work. Talk to a consoler or teacher at school i know that might be scary and you might think that your mom would not like that or you might get in trouble at home for that. But you need to get help that is what is best for you. And in order for you to come out on top of this thing you need to do what is best for you! Please be safe and always know no matter what happened things DO get better! If you ever need someone to talk to send me an email at corey_deussa@yahoo.com and i would be glad to help you in any way i can

    Numbers To Call (Usa Only)

    1-800-SUICIDE (If You Are Suicidal)

    1-800-4-A-CHILD (Child Abuse Line)

    1-800-799-SAFE (Domestic Violence Helpline)

    1-800-656-HOPE (Rape Abuse Sexual Assault Hotline)

    DO NOT BE AFRAID TO CALL THEY ARE THERE TO HELP! :)

  • 1 decade ago

    hun.. you are soo pretty. god. i wish i was as pretty as you! you are BEAUTIFUL! darling, dont put yourself down at all. you are deffinatey beautiful. im really jealous of you right now :P

    you are NOT a whore.

    if you are then so am i.

    i lost my virginity this past summer (im 14) to a guy ive never dated, but have loved for 4 years. ive done A LOT of **** with guys ive never dated. the only time i did stuff with a guy i was dating, i was molested.

    your friend will understand. you need to talk to her. afterall, shes your bestfriend. just dont make it all always about you. give her time to vent as well. ya know?

    suicide IS NOT the answer. i cut myself, and i have an eating disorder. but i know more then well never to go through with suicide. these problems will all be fixed EVENTUALLY. so why KILL yourself over TEMPORARY problems? its not worth it, hun. trust me.

    whatever you do.. do not go through with this at all.

    when your in school, fu ck everything else. dont worry about sh it like that. just concentrate on school. you dont want to get held back.

  • 1 decade ago

    You've been through a lot, but you're a strong person. You've shown it by sticking through this far. Remember, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This will all pass. I've been where you are, trust me. Feel free to click on my profile and email me if you want to talk.

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like you are pretty tuff from what you have been through but your self esteem is low so you need something to keep tou busy like a homeless kitten or puppie animals can be the best meds

  • 1 decade ago

    You're turning to yahoo on the decision of whether or not to take your life? Seriously?

    I remember when I tried to kill myself when I was fifteen. The difference is... I was being raped on a weekly basis.

    You're not ugly, and If you thought you were, you wouldn't take pictures of yourself and post them on the internet.

    There are children in Africa who's parents sell them into the slave trade at eight years old so they can spend the next ten years being unimaginably abused and sniffing glue and gasoline to try and kill their hunger pangs. Even they don't sit around moaning and complaining and trying to slit their wrists.

    You have it great. Just calm your teenaged hormones and suck it up for now. It will get better.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.