What do you think about the start of my story (revised starting)?

ok ive asked this before but know i changed parts in it to try and make it a bit better its called The Violet Gateway She stared at the huge, fiery gate, her violet eyes glittering in the light. She knew that if she did not continue, she would lose not just the most important person in her life. Her Guardian.... show more ok ive asked this before but know i changed parts in it to try and make it a bit better

its called The Violet Gateway

She stared at the huge, fiery gate, her violet eyes glittering in the light. She knew that if she did not continue, she would lose not just the most important person in her life. Her Guardian. But all of humanity as well. But if she did go on she would have only one chance to save him. And life on Earth would be safe , unless she failed and died in the flames. These thoughts flickered through her mind as she continued walking slowly through the fiery gates of Hell, and didn’t look back.

please rate it out of 10 (10 being the highest) and say why you gave it that rating
thanx in advance
Update: um whats wrong with the hell part
6 answers 6