Family Troubles - Babies! Long, Sorry xxx?
My husbands cousin had a baby boy in January 2008, at that time I was also pregnant and had a boy in March 2008. We used to be really close friends, we both had PCOS and I was told that I had a slim chance of becoming pregnant, if I did then I had a 90% chance of miscarriage!
My husband and I had stopped using protection about 3 years before I found out I was pregnant, his cousin had gone on medication and had got pregnant within a few months. I was so so chuffed for her, honestly I was. Yes there was some jealousy there but I knew what being a mummy meant to her.
I didnt know I was pregnant until I was 10 weeks gone, my periods had always been irregular and sometimes missed 1-2. We told the family at the 12 week stage and everyone was thrilled for us. Except for his cousin, she would phone me up saying I was a cow and that I got pregnant just to compete with her! I would just ignore her and put it down to hormones.
I sent her a gift and card when her son was born, I tried calling her but she would reject my calls. When our son was born it was the best feeling in the world. However my husbands grandmother would start calling his cousins baby by our sons name. I started getting calls again that I had taken all the limelight off her son etc. I would try to calm her down by saying that she should be proud she had the first grandchild and no one would take that from her. She knew my husband and I werent using protection, she had always joked that we should get pregnant together and compare bumps lol.
Anyway 4-5 months later she phones to say that she is pregnant again (12 weeks gone), again I congratulate her and secretly hope that she might be looking to start our friendship again. It was the only call I got from her. While visiting her grandmother, she happened to tell me that the cousin had to get pregnant within 1 year of having her baby or the doctor could do nothing to help her and she would have to pay for medical help.
Now that doesnt seem to ring true to me, I always thought it could take near a year for your body to recover fully from having a baby, so why would a doctor advise that?
Anyway she had another healthy baby boy (January this year), her sister had a girl in February (her first). I talk to her sister and apparently she has fallen out with her! She said to her that she has taken the limelight of her 2nd son!
She is pregnant again and due in April. My husband and I have been trying for another one for the last few months, I know if I get pregnant again that she is going to start going mad again. Ive changed my number but she knows where I live (last time she was round at all hours banging the door!).
Her sister called in with me recently, she is worried about her. She thinks the advise that she said the doctor told her is a lie, as does my husband. My husband and her dont get on now after all this. She says this baby is an accident, her sister thinks its because she wants a girl.
Please dont get me wrong, we are all so chuffed for her. However we think shes having children for the wrong reasons. Her husband has a girl with his previous partner and his cousin would get jealous when he would call her 'daddys little girl'.
Sorry its long xxx
Her mum and her no longer speak, I dont know why and have never asked. I do know when her first was born that she contacted her mum to ask if she wanted to see her grandchild, however her mum said no.
My husbands grandmother kept asking us to have all our children before she dies. Although I would like to make her happy, my husband and I will have children at our own pace. We started trying again as we feel the time is right.
My first pregnancy was not easy (health ways). I talked to my husband tonight about holding off in trying, he says I try to please people too much and that hes happy to keep trying if I am. Hes annoyed with it all, he said why should we hold off trying just to keep her happy!
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
You've done a fine job trying to solve this yourself but this is not fundamentally your problem to fix.
Actually, this sounds like something that has to be resolved in her marriage. Her husband needs to know about this disturbing and stalking behavior. He needs to put his foot down before she causes more harm and gets totally out of hand. Her husband caring enough to stop her would be an act of love at this point, for her own good.
I am sorry to hear someone this self-centered, insecure, and immature is having her own children and not happy for others who do the same. She has serious issues if she acts like motherhood is some kind of competition. She needs help.
Fundamentally, the husband has to take some responsibility for staightening this out... perhaps she is not feeling enough affection, approval, confidence from him and that makes her feel insecure. Or, perhaps she is acting this way because of something from her past, an emotional trauma never resolved.
If she's banging on the door like this... it screams "I need help". The best thing you can do is enlist the aid of other people in her life + maybe a professional to get her whatever she really needs.
Good Luck... sounds like a messy situation.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Wow! Sounds like quite a dilemma. I know it sounds stupid but I think you should leave her to it. Don't let her get in the way of your family. She is being absolutely ridiculous and doesn't deserve to have all these lovely children, she is behaving like a child herself. If she doesn't leave you alone and comes banging on your door, call the police. If your husband doesn't like that idea, then tell him to sort it out because you have tried the best you can, tried to be nice and you need to do what's best for your family. I am probably one of few that would read all this but I must say I enjoy trying to solve other people's problems (takes my mind off my own.) Please don't let her get in the way. How she acts is down to her. Good luck!
- CalaLv 71 decade ago
Another woman's reasons for getting pregnant are nothing to do with you and therefore you should keep your opinions on that matter to yourself.
As for getting pregnant in order to steal the limelight - you are an adult and should not let this other woman and her jealousy upset you. people like her thrive on the fact that you make it clear she has upset you. If you want to have another baby then get on with it! It's none of her business and you shouldn't be in the least bit concerned about whether or not she agrees with it.
- egetLv 43 years ago
Getting a restraining order is extremely consumer-friendly. My sons father is ineffective drug addict. I had consistently reported i could in no way keep my son from his father, regardless of the undeniable fact that in the process this project it won't income my son to work out him, nor will he omit out on something by technique of no longer understanding his organic and organic father. It appears like your toddler and your self would be a lot greater helpful off with out him or his relatives and additionally neither of you would be lacking out on something. you are able to in no way ever experience undesirable approximately doing what you experience is appropriate to your toddler. i do no longer enable my sons fathers relatives be on my own with him in any respect. i do no longer believe them, i persist with my instinct. you are able to persist with yours, too.
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