How to understand these Texonics Quips?

1. AS WELCOME AS A SKUNK AT A LAWN PARTY.

Self-explanatory

2. TIGHTER THAN BARK ON A TREE.

Not very generous

3. BIG HAT, NO CATTLE.

All talk and no action

4. WE'VE HOWDIED BUT WE AIN'T SHOOK YET.

We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced.

5. HE THINKS THE SUN CAME UP JUST TO HEAR HIM CROW.

He has a pretty high opinion of himself.

6. IT'S SO DRY THE TREES ARE BRIBIN' THE DOGS.

We really could use a little rain around here.

7. JUST BECAUSE A CHICKEN HAS WINGS DOESN'T MEAN IT CAN FLY.

Appearances can be deceptive.

8. THIS AIN'T MY FIRST RODEO.

I've done this before.

9. HE LOOKS LIKE THE DOG'S BEEN KEEPIN' HIM UNDER THE PORCH.

Not the most handsome of men.

10. THEY ATE SUPPER BEFORE THEY SAID GRACE.

Living in sin.

11. TIME TO PAINT YOUR BUTT WHITE AND RUN WITH THE WHITE TAILS.

Stop arguing and do as you're told.

12. AS FULL OF WIND AS A CORN-EATING HORSE.

Rather prone to boasting.

13. YOU CAN PUT YOUR BOOTS IN THE OVEN BUT THAT DON’T MAKE’M BISCUITS.

You can say whatever you want about something, but doesn't

change what it is.

14. WE'RE IN TALL COTTON.

Things are going well

15. IF YOU CAN"T RUN WITH THE BIG DOGS…STAY ON THE PORCH!

Move your behind and get busy or get out of my way...

16. SHE CAN'T HELP BEIN' UGLY, BUT SHE COULD'A STAYED HOME!

(Make your own explanation)

7 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Heidi Doc, hire yew?

    Don't get all aggervated, but Ah caint unnerstant a wurd ya sed. Ya must be from sum dang farn cuntry."

    Mah bother from Jawjah sure is a sommitch sometime, but he can chuck a rock from her’n to Lanna, Jawjuh!

    Ya herd mah brother from Jawjuh bard mah pick-em-up truck? Yup.

    Mah brother from Jawjuh got imself a job with that bob war fence company, an Ah ain't herd from im in muntz!

    Sum of those Jawjuh boys sure are ignert!

    Ah hope mah brother from Jawjuh don't git no flat tar in mah pick-em-up truck.

    Ah thank Ah left mah ranch in the back of mah pick-em-up truck that mah brother from Jawjuh bard a few muntz ago.

    Ah speck Ah'll havta rench the bare out mah pick-em-up truck when mah brother from Jawjah brangs it back.

    Dad gum it, Ah jes' tumped over mah bare. Ah thank Ah'll have a nutter bare."

    If'n mah brother from Jawjuh don't change the awl in mah pick-em-up truck he bard, that thangs a gonna catch far!

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Maybe he's Deaf??? No, you're right it's stupid. Wow... I swear some people just shouldn't even try. It only works if people can relate. Who can relate to that... a deaf man?? If you were telling him what happened he wouldn't laugh because he couldn't hear what you were saying... unless he could read lips or he read it in the paper as you did. Even so, I still say... The guy should have kept his mouth shut, not said or typed anything because now he is made to look like an As$ to anyone who reads that in the paper. Way to go, Mr. Comedian!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    16 (explanation) She is so ugly she has to sneak up on a meal!

    She is so ugly she could make an onion cry!

    She's so ugly she turned a cannibal into a vegetarian!

    Never heard # 12, Thats Funnnnnnnyyyyy! I gotta remember that one,I can use that on a few people.

    Thamks DOC!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    These are hilarious!

    I hope though that you do not really talk like this all of the time.

    Unfortunately, I know a LOT of people here on Y!A who seem to think like number 5!

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I can just picture Tennesse Ernie Ford and Andy Griffith talking and using all these expressions.

    I was laughing so hard.

    Loved them. More please more Doc!

    Oliver Twist has asked for more. laughs

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You seem to have already answered all of them yourself :U

  • Dena
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    These are funny, I love them all!

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.