School rigor and I'm tired of it (long story)?
Well, I know I do have a choice as a student, but something keeps on nagging me to maintain those straight A's, involvement in EC's, ect. Our school ranks based by GPA, so I do indeed feel quite some pressure. I wish I could just let go and be content, achieving a less-than-stellar (5.0)
I know life "out there" probably isn't much less redundant or restricting, and I shouldn't be whining so much about high school, but then it makes me wonder why I'm doing all of this, including living itself (although I definitely have things I really love in life, such as music, "learning" random things via internet. But, of course, these are considered worthless academically in schools).
You know, I kinda like my school. For the most part, I'm okay with the classes, the teachers, and the students. I talk with people, but never socialize, and end up observing my classmates laugh together, cause I feel incapable of getting intimate with anyone. It pains me a little bit that they will be going through these dreaded years together, while I will stand alone with absolutely no one to confide in. (IB is kind of famous for getting the students to bond and work together through the academically tough years). I will bathe in my own feelings of I-alone-in-this-world, as I'm incapable of forming decent relationships (including, but to a different extent, my family).
But I've kind of gotten over these feelings, as I can't just cry about it. Overall, I still feel pretty stressed, which may sometimes go further.