Anonymous asked in HealthWomen's Health · 1 decade ago

My Asian boyfriend and my Disapproving Family?

Ive been dating a Japanese-american guy for over 2 years now and I'm very much in love with him, he is so sweet, loving and not to mention smart (hes in the univ. of Oregon) , im at community college) and strong (he played football in high school). ive ....but my family hates seeing us together.

I am white and grew up in southern Alabama with a very conservative white family. they love me and i love them very much, but they want me to find a nice "american" boy to settle down with...what they mean by "american" they mean white. it really surprises me because we arnt a racist family. we have black and mexican neighbors on both sides and we are all friends.

both my boyfriend and I explained it to my parents and grandparents that he was born and raised in America and that his grandfather served in the 442nd regiment in WWII. that is the All Japanese-American volunteer unit that is the most highly decorated unit in American history. his grandpa was awarded the Bronze Star after the war ended and in 2000 he was awarded the MEDAL OF HONOR by President Clinton himself for his bravery. he and another 442nd soldier took out 3 machine guns after bravely charging across a field through enemy fire...this resulted in a opening in which trapped American soldiers escaped.

My grandpa fought against the Japanese in WWII so I can totally understand that he is prejudiced and has a hard time, he lost many of his friends to the japanese in the Pacific. but still my BF's grandpa served america just as he did, actually mroe i dont understand his judgement.

my dad and mom and a few relatives do not like me dating an asian guy at all while my sister thinks its cute and my brother likes my bf a lot. they hang out together without me sometimes.

my bf's family was a bit shocked at first that he brought home a sterotypical blond blue eyed girl instead of an asian but they are very supportive, so the problems are all on my end

what should I do...what can I do? is it just not worth the trouble in the long run or does sticking it out usually work?

if the other ppl here in interracial relationships have any advice, id loveee to hear it thankss!

I do care about him a lot. i love him.

I know its my life and all but i still want my family in my life. i want to be liked by them and still be on good terms with them, because in the end family is all you have.....

so basically im saying right now its either my boyfriend or my family, unless somehow i can make them respect my decsion and respect him

19 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    I am a blonde and have blue eyes, and I just so happen to be 1/4 Japanese. Just thought that was funny.

    In the end your family will have to respect your decision, but they don't have to respect him. There's no reason to think you should ever have to choose between your family or your boyfriend whom you love. If you truly love this boy, don't end things because your family isn't okay with him. You could be a worse person. He doesn't use drugs, hit you, use you etc. (I am assuming.) So really, they should just except the fact that you found a good guy. In the end, it's you who is dating him. Not your family.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Don't toss out your boy because your folks disapprove.

    Is it just his race or is is also his religion? Have you changed a lot ?

    Ask questions about why .As long as your grades are good and he is hard working and honest, they need to be glad for you.

    I know some parents just want grandkids that don't look asian.

    Will they let him visit ? I would have him visit and send them this question. Ask them exactly why they disapprove.

    I know you want their appproval. I would try to win them over. If they are okay with it . I would try to talk to them. Your WW II grandfather won't be around forever. Are you thinking of marriage in the near future or will you finish school?. My uncle was like thiis and part of it is they had to harden themselves when they were fighting the war to think these people were not human so they could kill them. People in small towns had never seen Japanese.

    Give your folks time and follow your heart. They will get over it but you might not if you dump him.

    If they absolutely refuse to budge in their opinions, you need to decide what is most important to you.

    I wish you the best .

  • 1 decade ago

    A lot of times people think that racism isn't here today because we don't still segregate blacks from whites anymore, but that's not true at all. There is racism everywhere and people need to man up and see it. Personally I think that if you love him then you should stay with him. Do what makes you happier. I know that is hard to do, but it's something you need to do by yourself. Make a pro and con list maybe. I'm sorry bout all this, seems kinda suckish. Oh and just because your grandpa fought in the Japanese war doesn't mean that he should be prejudiced against ALL Asian people. That doesn't make sense. Your bf didn't fight in that war and kill his friends, so why should he not like him?

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.


    My Asian boyfriend and my Disapproving Family?

    Ive been dating a Japanese-american guy for over 2 years now and I'm very much in love with him, he is so sweet, loving and not to mention smart (hes in the univ. of Oregon) , im at community college) and strong (he played football in high school). ive ....but my family hates seeing us...

    Source(s): asian boyfriend disapproving family:
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  • 1 decade ago

    Follow your heart.

    If you really love him, then your parents will eventually come around if they see how happy he makes you, since you said they are not racist.

    But if they are really not coming around and you know they won't, then go with your family. They are more important in your life. Think about it, what if things dont end up right with the asian guy?

    Have a talk with them and tell them how happy he makes you and dont they want you to be happy?

    Good luck. I'm asian and I'm dating a white guy. Both our families don't know about us but I love him very much and its workig out.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I understand how you feel.

    I, an Asian AMERICAN male, constantly feel like we're always constantly getting looked down upon by many more conservative whites.

    ur bf's grandpa is a great man. i really dont see how he would be any different from any other american who fought.

    in any case, you should date and marry who you want. this is the 21st century. there is no such thing as arranged marriage anymore. ur an adult and should be able to do what you want.

    remember, we're all a single race, a single species for gods sake.

  • Nancy
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I would stick it out and continue your relationship with your boyfriend. You're an adult now and this is your life; not your parents' and grandparents. They will not be around forever. You will outlive them.

    Look up the story of Bruce Lee. He was in a similar situation as you. They made it. So can you.

    Your parents may come around. If they don't, I wouldn't want to be around racists/bigots. Them not accepting him is the same as not accepting you. They need to grow up in their thinking.

    Don't let racism and bigotry stop you from being with the one you love.

  • 1 decade ago

    Don't worry about what they say, like you said it's your life. They can't pick the people for you to date. I go through the same thing, my family don't like my bf because he's twice my age, and they told me to stay away from him, but I don't listen to them cause I'm grown and can do whatever I want. Plus, my mom is in her 50s and her bf is in his 30s so she should'nt be trying to tell me who to date. But I'm not in an interracial relationship, I'm just in an relationship that my family doesn't approve of just like you, but it's just a racial issue with you. Good luck with your decision!

  • 1 decade ago

    It's your life and you should live it as you see fit; your family will come around, as you stated they are not racists.

    Discrimination can come in many forms, and it can obviously come from people who would never identify themselves as racist. It doesn't sound like your family will cut you off for dating out of your race.

    My grandfather didn't approve of my father dating my mother, but it all worked out in the end.

    Source(s): Half Filipino/Caucasian with a Caucasian wife.
  • 1 decade ago

    I always say to my mum, 'you're already married, are you trying to find a boyfriend?'. THere you go, it's my life, not their life and I dont need to live on THEIR check list. I mean I respect them and love them but we're also human being with feelings. If they love us too they'll respect us too. It's our happiness and we can't hurt and throw away the people we love for another person's stubbornness to not being able to respect some one elses love.

    My aunty is Chinese and her husband is white Australian. I went to school with them and they've been together since they were 14 y.o. My family always disapproved of her especially my great grandma who always just mumbled crap constantly. The ONLY person who approved was my mother (her sister), most of her mum, grandma, 3 brothers didn't like it. He even had to hide in the house to visit her and in result she ran away to the army together. They came back and now have 2 CUTEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL, HANDSOME mix children. Btw Im not telling you run away because my aunt regretted not seeing her family. My aunt stuck with her bf-now-husband and never left him and my fam have no choice but to accept him. They treat him really well now and don't mind. Even I dated an half aussie. I think it might be the first time and they are really shocked. It's always like that.

    Explain to your grandpa/family that your bf isn't in the army and it was HIS grandpa, it's the older generation. The new generation isn't like that but still do respect his past. My best friend is white and I cant even meet his grandma because his husband died in the japanese war and she hates ALL ASIANS tho Im chinese.

    She blames it and said that I killed her husband........(right? like..before I was born Lol).

    Anyway, if you and your boyfriend love eachother and you can see a future together then don't fight too much about it. Say what you said at the end that you love him but you want your family too. You love your boyfriend for WHO HE IS not by what he looks like. If we were all blind your family would probably love him for him. Their checklist shouldn't be, 'Must be White, Must have brown hair, must be american'. It should be, 'Does he make my daughter happy, is he treating her well, does he have respect to our family'.'


    No offence, Japanese people have a cultural of being very respectful and polite to other people but he's born in america so I dunno.

    My boyfriend is filopino and my mum dont really like it because where she's from, filopino are all slaves and poor. I told mum, 'Hey its my life, he's good, he goes to uni, he treats me well, what's the problem?'. My aunty said to me, 'Dont worry about telling your parents about your bf, its your life', so I decided not to until they can learn to accept!

    You said family is all you have at the end? That is because when everyone leave you your family will still be there and people DON'T leave you because your family are kicking them away. Fam are there NO MATTER what happens...if you and your bf truely love eachother then you two will be family in the future. Have you thought about YOUR family too? Anyway good luck with your boyfriend:)

    White+Japanese = the cutest baby in the world.

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