Do people give second chances after cheating? Will the relationship work the second time around?
Here's the situation, I've been with my BF for over 3 yrs. Whenever I ask him how he feels about me, all he says is "If I didn't, I wouldn't be w/ you". There were times when I would get very emotional and pour my heart out to him and I would get no response from him. He would just change the subject. There's also issues about his mom living w/ him and not having privacy. I can't walk around the house whenever she's around because she does not like me. I don't think he even defends me to her. I've noticed that whenever we would get into an argument, he will not call me for days. I'm the one approaching him and making up.
There were times when I think about all his problems and issues and feel that I don't have a future with him. He doesn't have a steady job, he's a used auto dealer and his mom still lives w/ him, His mom sleeps next to his bedroom and hears all our arguments and conversations.
Lately, I've been feeling so confused and about ready to give up. We've been breaking on and off due to the fact that he can't tell me how he really feels about me and yet when were together, we have lots of fun. There's also things that he's doing that I don't approve of like partying w/ his friends who are into drugs. There were times when my BF was selling them and his reason is "times are hard right now and he needs to make money to support himself". I told him that I will not tolerate it and he needs to quit. His auto business is doing really slow and not selling much at all. So he's basically barely making it, paying just the minimum on his monthly bills.
Like I said whenever we would break up, he wouldn't call me for days and I would just go out w/ friends. I became close to someone and ended up going on a date w/ him. My friends all tell me to just get to know him first before making up my mind on who I wanted to be w/. They all think that my BF is not good for me and has no future.
Long story short, the guy I was dating ended up falling for me and contacted my BF and told him about the two of us. Now my BF doesn't want to have anything to do w/ me. I explained to him that all those times when I was pouring my heart out to him, that I was hurt because he couldn't tell me how he felt about me. I thought that he didn't love me anymore since he hardly tells me the 3 words I wanted to hear so bad. There were times when I really wanted to end things but couldn't because I love him so much. But if you're not receiving the same love and affection, what do I do? I've realized he doesn't have anything to offer me, he's struggling making ends meet, top it all of, his mom was always getting in the way. But despite all that, I'm still in love with him but just unhappy about the whole situation.
Sometimes, you don't realize things until it's too late. Well I just realized how much I really love him. I've put up with all his issues and that really doesn't matter to me because I love him for who he is. I've tried to get him away from his low life junkie friends and tried to make him a better person. And despite his drinking and temper, I still love the guy. I told him to give us a chance and maybe I'll move to the city and we can get our own place and start all over again. I told him that this time, it will be different. I will gain his trust again and will not mess this chance. I really believe that people can change once they made a big mistake that they regret. I also believe that when someone ask for a second chance, they will try harder to make the relationship work to gain their partner's trust back. I really love him and I know deep down he still loves me. He is very hurt and feels betrayed. I do know of someone who has been unfaithful and asked for a second chance. Now their marriage is as strong as ever. I don''t think I'll ever fall out of love w/ him or get over him. Please advise.
- Favorite Answer
I do not believe that a person who has cheated can not change. though there definitely are some people who cheat because they like to but in quite a few cases there is a reason why someone would do it. for example, when a person is dissatisfied with the relationship or their partner's attitude or when the excitement goes and you just want to feel something amongst other reasons. However, a person would only change if the circumstances that led them to cheat change. Ask yourself if your boyfriend does forgive you would the situation that led you to this not arise again and if its really worth it?
- SaruLv 61 decade ago
I know 4 people who have taken back someone who cheated on them and I know 4 people who got cheated on again by the same person. There are some exceptions. I hear about them from time to time but some are exceptions because the person became better at cheating and not getting caught and some really did never do it again. The odds are against it though and the trust that was lost is so hard to get back. And the cheater resents not being trusted even though they did wrong they want to be forgiven soon and not be doubted which is impossible.
I say find someone else and save yourself the heartache if possible.
- 1 decade ago
Of course sweetheart people get second chance after cheating and i believe that u really love him but it is upto him to decide the future of your relationship.He may have felt for u and not show it and that's why i went elsewhere.BF's mothers always hate anyone who tries to be close to their son so it's no problem and natural.Your BF may not be defending you cause he fears that mom will be offended.You are right bout his friends but he might really enjoy their company or finding hard to find new ones.
Well try your best to convince him to carry on.Instead of telling how much you love him show him by doing things for him i mean writing letter, cooking,gifts or whatever he likes.Plan a surprise or show up in his fav dress.
But please make sure that he's worth it.If you still get wrong signals from him move on..
If everything sorts out try to change him.convince him to show his feelings ,reason out to his mom and find out more friends.You really need to do lot of work on it because often 2nd time relationships are call to do away with loopholes and understand each other better.They are like final moment of realization of where are you going.But they need high amount of patience. It's better he overcomes his shortcomings and you help him to do that. best of luck
- 1 decade ago
You are in a very bad situation, i'm just going to put that out there.
However, you are still in the wrong. You cheated. I'm not sure if you simply went on dates with him and sat there and talked, or if you kissed him, or if you made out, or if you had sex with him. Whatever the case is, it was clearly a date, and that's cheating. If your boyfriend went on a date with a girl but only hugged her, you would still think it was cheating, am i right? Yes, I am. (I always am.) Moving on.
You had 2 options that were viable: You could have stayed with him and put up with his sh*t. OR you could have dumped him and THEN gone for another guy.
The fact that you were unable to let go of one guy before you latched onto the next is a very common problem with women (in fact, its more of a trademark) but its still cheating, and its still wrong. You should be able to go without love, sex, or affection for a few days or weeks until you meet another great guy and go on a date with him. However, you shouldn't dump your boyfriend because you felt someone else might be better; and you also shouldn't hook up with another guy and date him, before you dump your boyfriend.
The point of a relationship is to only focus on you, and him, in the sexual relationship sense. If you feel it is not working out, then you try to fix things. If that is very hard to do, u threaten to dump him. Then if he still doesnt change, YOU DUMP HIM! However, nowhere in a relationship should you let your eye wander. If you are getting to that point, END IT OR CHANGE THINGS!
The very fact that you MET- "MET"- someone while with your boyfriend, tells me you are in the wrong! You didnt become close to this guy by pure accident. YOU KNEW 100% what was going to likely happen, and you liked it. You WANTED it. You wanted it to happen, but you didnt want the blame. Hence, you said "i became close to someone". You say it as if it was an accident! It was no accident- you made it your GOAL to find another guy. And you made finding another guy your goal, BEFORE you dumped your current guy.
That is pure greed.
That is sexual lust and sexual greed.
Lastly, that is infidelity.
Do you deserve a 2nd chance? No. But not because you are too BAD of a person. I say you dont deserve a 2nd chance because nobody, no matter how bad, deserves to be in a relationship with somebody that they should not be with. Nobody deserves to be in a crappy, boring, abusive, doomed relationship.Source(s): I don't know what it is that attracts women to pain and punishment as if it were pleasure, but it needs to stop. This man is nothing but trouble (the main boyfriend, the one u cheated on). You BOTH clearly have some very huge problems. ======================================== Do this: 1- sever ties from the boyfriend 2- sever ties with the "new guy" 3- wait a couple weeks 4- start over, completely anew, and find a guy you would like to meet- THIS TIME WHILE YOU ARE SINGLE, SO THERE ARE NO TRUST ISSUES OR COMPLICATIONS! =============== FYI: IF YOU STAYED WITH THE "NEW GUY", HE WOULD ALWAYS BE AFRAID YOU WOULD CHEAT ON HIM OR DUMP HIM FOR ANOTHER DUDE, AS YOU DID TO YOUR LAST "VICTIM
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- Tea For TwoLv 61 decade ago
How do you know deep down he loves you? Deep down he seems very selfish, just from the read.
Here is what I read from your post: You want someone who isn't into all the partying and drugs. You want someone who can be there for you emotionally. You want someone who can express their feelings for you. You want someone with whom you can build a life. You want someone who wants you. This guy doesn't sound like that person.
You cannot change other people. You can love and treasure certain things about people and still move on with your life. You will be able to get over him, though it may be tough at first. **Don't be afraid to be alone.** Give yourself a chance to be with someone who really deserves your love. Good luck.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
In ALL my experiences of being cheated on I once forgave my BF of 3 years.
I always remembered though and found I never regained his trust.
Almost 2 years after cheating on me the first time, he did it again.
As much as I loved him and wanted it to work I realized he didn't love me the same as I loved him so I broke it off.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
If someone can cheat on you once, they can cheat on you more.If you take them back, they will know its okay to do it.
There wont be any trust.Its not worth it.
Find someone who cares about you and who wouldnt cheat on you in the first place.You deserve to be happy :D xxx
- 4 years ago
Very tricky.I might if I was at the root of what pushed them to cheat in the first place, but if they were just being greedy; nope.
- cashkillLv 41 decade ago
If both ask God into their lives together you have 95% chance or better
Put aside your unbelief and Say this prayer so God can come into your life, He is right there waiting, hoping You will make this choice & say it.
He has a plan for your life He can and will help you with everything. He wants you to be the best you can be. He loves you and gave You free will to choose having His unfailing love in your life or not He loved you first and left the door open for you. Its up to you to walk through into His loving arms.
God can help you, If only you ask Him.
If you want to accept Christ as Savior and turn from your sins, you can ask Him to be your Savior and Lord by praying a prayer like this:
"Lord Jesus, I believe You are the Son of God. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive my sins and give me the gift of eternal life. I ask You in to my life and heart to be my Lord and Savior. I want to serve You always." Amen
He helped me and I want you to feel his Love too.
Then pass on this prayer to others so they can get to know Gods unfailing love too!
leave dat mutha fuhker! he doesn't deserve a second chance!! i mean wut da fuhk! a grown man living with his mother!! datz fuhken pathetic!! look lady if u love him the best thing to do is let him go..i kno it hurts to do that its harder then it looks...look i'm 15 and i'm giving an adult some advice i don't even hav a bf yet!! i'm srry if i'm insulting u or not but its da fuhken truth...Source(s): me