Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會及文化語言 · 1 decade ago

改英文作文

本人佷希望改善自己英文水平, 因此希望有有心人幫忙批改此文章, 請著重文法改正, 同給予內容意見....

There are many problematic youths in Hong Kong. Many of them have done some anti-social behaviors. The most is to destroy the public properties. Such as doing graffiti on wall, stepping on grass in parks and destroying fences. It is very fun from their point of view. According to the survey conducted by Hong Kong Police Force, most of the criminal youngsters come from single-family. Thus, the social should prompt this family and back them up.

Growing up in the single-family youths who are lack of the parents’ taking care, so they want it. Youngsters may do something to draw their parents’, teachers’ as well as polices’ attention.

Moreover, they are no parents to teach them the right ethics, so they may do the anti-social behaviors, however, youngsters don’t know it is wrong. Therefore, the Government and public should do something to improve their problem.

First of all, I think the Government can provide more resource in the new town, such as Tuen Mun, Tin Shui Wai. Social workers are effective to solve the youngsters’ problem, because social workers can communicate with youths when they want to find listener. Besides that, social workers can offer some precious suggestion to youngsters when they have some problem don’t solve.

Moreover, the Government can provide some resources to single-family. It can relieve the parents’ pressure. Then, the parents have much time to accompany their children.

Last but not least, the public cannot discriminate the single-family’ youths. And give them more back up.

If we could do it, it can help youths incorporated into the social and stop them doing the anti-social thing.

1 Answer

Rating
  • ma
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    There are many problematic youths in Hong Kong. Many of them have done

    some anti-social behaviors.

    => The introduction is lengthy and weak. How do you quantify "many?" Does the number matter based on what you mention below? What is your focus?

    The most is to destroy the public

    properties. Such as doing graffiti on wall, stepping on grass in parks

    and destroying fences.

    => The first sentence is confusing. What does "the most" refer to? Do you mean the most common anti-social behavior? You're missing an adjective.

    => The second sentence should be combined with the first one, since it is a phrase providing examples.

    It is very fun from their point of view.

    => "It" is a pronoun, but there is no third person singular noun that it can refer to. "These" would probably be more accurate.

    => But, what do all the above sentences have to do with the next sentence?

    According to the survey conducted by Hong Kong Police Force, most of

    the criminal youngsters come from single-family.

    => All of a sudden, the problematic youths have become criminals. Are you sure? And, again, how many is "most of"? Does the number matter?

    Thus, the social

    should prompt this family and back them up.

    => I think you mean "society", not "social."

    => What does "this family" mean? You have not mentioned any specific family before, and so "this" refers to nothing.

    => Back "them" up: Do you mean the youngsters? In what ways should the youngsters be backed up (be supported)?

    2009-10-22 12:09:11 補充:

    ...Growing up in single families, these youths lack the care from their parents.

    => The opinion is not well founded; how would you know that single parents cannot provide the same amount of care? How would the level of care be different from families with both parents working?

    2009-10-22 12:09:24 補充:

    => It is uncommon to use 's or s' on a number of terms; instead, you use use "of" and invert the order. For example: ... to draw the attention of their parents, teachers, and the police.

    2009-10-22 12:09:43 補充:

    Moreover, they are no parents to teach them the right ethics, so they may do the anti-social behaviors, however, youngsters don’t know it is wrong.

    => This is not true. Do you assume that the single parents have to work 24 hours a day, thus giving no time to their children?

    2009-10-22 12:09:57 補充:

    => Why do the youngsters not learn good behavior at school?

    => How certain are you that they do not know what is wrong?

    Therefore, the Government and public should do something to improve their problem.

    => You can improve the situation or to solve the problem.

    2009-10-22 12:10:29 補充:

    First of all,...

    => What does "provide more resource mean?"

    => You assume that the youngsters will listen to social workers. Is that true? Or, should you be more conservative in suggesting that social workers may help? What concrete ways can social workers help these juveniles?

    2009-10-22 12:10:48 補充:

    Moreover,...

    => What does "some resources" mean here?

    => ... have more time to be with their children; accompany generally means to go along with someone, not in the sense of being around to take care of someone. If you mean 陪, it's better to use "to be with" here.

    2009-10-22 12:11:00 補充:

    Last but not least, the public cannot discriminate the single-family’ youths. And give them more back up.

    => How does the public discriminate against single-family youths? Do they have an identifying marker on their head?

    2009-10-22 12:11:34 補充:

    If we...

    => What is "it?" Probably, you should say "the above" to mean the points that you have mentioned.

    => "incorporate into society" is very Chinglish (融入社會?); but, what does it truly mean? Are you sure that someone who is "incorporated" will not be anti-social?

    2009-10-22 12:12:13 補充:

    Overall, the arguments are weak and incohesive. It would be much better if you focus on a point or two and drill into them, providing more reasons that you think the suggestions could more adequately solve the anti-social behavior of some youngsters.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.