Anonymous asked in Society & CultureReligion & Spirituality · 1 decade ago

Christians- Do you agree w/ this definition of your religion?

The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree... yeah, makes perfect sense.

17 Answers

  • Miz T
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Another drug-inspired vision! Are y'all passing something around or what?

    You are clearly trying to enrage someone. However, your description shows such little understanding of Christianity that it's ludicrous. Short form of who Jesus was before Easter: Jesus was a Jewish person from Nazareth, likely from the underclass, who followed and learned from John the Baptist and then took over the preaching/teaching/healing gig after John was killed. He was a spiritualist or mystic who "felt" the presence of the Spirit more strongly than did most people, and he was enraged that the Jewish authorities considered following the "law" more important than helping one's fellow man. Jesus did not consider himself any more holy than anyone else, but he did have a stronger energy field than most people, and he may have had the ability to "see" the future.

    Now, AFTER Easter is a different story. The stories Jesus' followers developed after Easter are parables, incorporate more context than may have been known, and are almost surely responsive to the desire of first-century Christians to have questions about Jesus answered. Who was he? Where did he come from? Who were his people? What did he teach? Why was he bent out of shape about the Pharisees collecting taxes in the temple? What sorts of miracles did he perform? Did he actually *say* that God was an entity and that he was the Son of God? So the after-Easter embellishment of the stories gives us what we read today. And if we read it as literal, we will get a completely different picture than what is probably factual. However, the authors of the gospels clearly didn't want to let facts get in the way of a really good, true story.

  • 1 decade ago

    1, Jesus was raised from the dead, but He had a new eternal spiritual body where He could transport Himself from place to place like from an eating table at an inn to a locked room.

    2. Communion is merely a symbolic ritual established by the Lord Jesus where bread represents His body that was broken and the wine represents His blood that was shed as an atonement for our sins.

    3. The omnipotent, omniscient, creator of this universe is not under the physical laws of this universe and while He can exist and operate in the 4th dimension of time, He transcends His creation and already knows everything that will happen beforehand just like you can look at a river from a helicopter and see a stream of events unfolding down the line.

    4. There is no "telepathy" involved in prayer. Rather it has to do with the omnipresence of God in a parallel "spiritual realm". It's just like you can't see the radio waves that are flying through the air but people can communicate with one another even though they are not face to face.

    5. God allowed Satan who is later described in Revelation 12 as "that serpent of old" to tempt humans to distrust, and disobey God, with the promise that they would become "like God" if they disobeyed.Him.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    hi chienne, so what makes extra sence to you is that guy sprang from monkey the became from a fish and grew to grow to be a primate and over century he found out to stroll upright and grew to grow to be human. lol that ones humorous yet i desire to recommend which you study and be taught that one returned or like first financial disaster first verse that reads for God so enjoyed the international that he gave his basically begotten son that whose os ever believes upon him shouldn't perish yet have ever lasting existence. bypass forward study it then bypass back to genisis and study that gensis means the beginning up in hebrew specific it is jewish yet we are so fortunate that he took the time to guard lost souls which comprise we. sturdy success wish i became into valuable to you

  • 1 decade ago

    ROFL.. I've always loved that explanation.

    You believe in a book that has sticks turning into snakes, and you say we are the ones that need help?

    -Dan Barker

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  • I absolutely do not. This is offensive. Would you say this to a muslim? Probably not. You probably want to be ¨politically correct.¨ And why should i be offended, chienne française (french dog)

  • 1 decade ago


    harsh much?

    if u have such a problem with this, stick to your own religon.

    there are so many things that i dont understand about being a christian, but then again, were not supposed to know everything, NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO MAKE SENSE. i dont understand why any one cant just believe instead of having to always have proof.



    of course we would all get offended!

  • 1 decade ago

    The good lord blessed you with the gift of concision my friend. Try not to waste it in Yahoo answers.

  • 1 decade ago

    With your Warped sense of Reality, yep. (You are also an Ungrateful soul and are in despair too.) So sad and sorry! Stop Mocking God!! :(

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you need to get some sleep and ask me in the morning.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Obviously Christians aren't going to agree with that, moron

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