(Long Question!) To Older Jehovah's Witnesses: Can you help me with my delima?
I'd just like to give you some background information on myself:
I am a fourteen-year-old girl ( I'm turning fifteen on November 2nd ) and currently a 9th Grader in High School. I'm in all Honors courses and I make good grades, and I also think I'm fairly responsible; I assit my Father and Mother a LOT with my two younger siblings (Faternal Twins- 5-years-old) and I have an older brother as well (20). I'm currently looking for a job so I can start providing for myself and I have an abundance of chores around the house. I attend the Kingdom Hall every Sunday, though we are trying to make it twice a week (becuase My father gets home very late at night from his second job, and my mother gets home closer to the meeting time, but only with minuets to spare).
Now on to my question:
Is it really that horrible to date outside of my religion? The boy that I fancy is Catholic (or Baptist) I believe and though he isn't a true Christian, he is very devoted to God. He is also in higher classes at school (we share the same first period), and that I know of, has a good reputation. He likes music ( He plays the drums!), is currently working an after-school job and is very attractive. He's also kind, and he's a bit of a jokester, and like most guys on the planet, a big sports fan. The only problem is the fact that he is not a JW.
Now, I'm not going to try and force feed people my religion, as I know this is a touchy subject with many, and I don't like the same happening to me. I know for a fact that I am not leaving this religion either. It has taken me a quite a time, a lot of tears, confusion, and ache to be connected back to Jehovah, and now that I have a relationship with Him, I do not plan on wrecking it.
I have told my parents that I will wait until I'm over the Bloom Of Youth, and until I know what I want in a guy, and until I know myself better to persue any sort of romantic relationship. They agree. I understand that dating is not to be veiwed casually and should lead to marriage. My parents where lucky enough to share the same faith as teenagers, and eventually lead to 23+ years of marriage. I know that pre-marital sex etc, will destroy my relationship with Jehovah, and my values and morals should not be comprimised because of a boyfriend or anyone else for that matter. Boyfriends come and go, a relationship with Jehovah, however, is worth keeping a life time.
I don't want to jepordize my relationship with God, and I really don't want to miss the chance to live eternally on Jehovah's new Earth, but pain and ache overtakes me everytime I even daydream slightly over dating this guy. I tell myself everyday to "not become unevenly yoked with non-believers" and I read the dating section of my Young People Ask Book every morning, and during down time at school. But I was just hoping that maybe there is a chance that maybe I could date him. If I were, he would be my first boyfriend. Ever.
I'm just so confused!
- Wendi888Lv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
You wrote a well-written, well though out summary of your situation so I know how bright you are. I also think you know what you should do to keep your relationship with Jehovah as close as possible. You are doing much of that already. And you know what might happen if you start dating a boy you are infatuated with and he doesn't have the moral standards you do.
You're very young to start dating and I think you know it. And the boy you have a crush on this year might be someone you don't like at all next year. Teenage hormones are very hard to tame and very fickle. I do remember, and I've been in your position. I'm so glad my mother put her foot down and saw to it I had lots of companionship with friends near my age in the truth.
Getting to the book study, TM School and Service meeting (it's less than 2 hours) would give you more opportunity to associate with and get to know the young people in your congregation. If you haven't talked to your parents, do that. If you'd feel more comfortable with an older sister or an elder then let them know about your dilemma.
You wrote about a "chance to date him". It's also a chance that you will face a lot of unhappiness in the future, even risk your relationship with Jehovah.
I had an email conversation with a young brother on this site. He realized that the music he listened to as he worked and studied made him lose focus. So he stopped listening to that kind of music, tried classical instead, and it's working out well. But when he made the decision to stop, he did, right then.
I think you can be as strong as he was. Substitute the time spent thinking about that boy with something else. Reading, talking to your friends from the KH, even watching TV, if that can absorb your mind for a while. You're going to change a lot over the next few years. Make them good, worthwhile and positive changes. We have a wonderful future to look forward to and it won't be long. Be there!
- fixerkenLv 71 decade ago
You say you are so confused, your not confused, you are trying to convince yourself that you can not pay attention to what you know, you want someone to say it's all good & fine, follow your heart. Your 14, you are a baby & you have a crush. Most women that marry a crush end up in divorce, they are saying two people that say that love one another are 50% likely to divorce.
Now take those that marry in the truth, it's 99% that will stay married, the 1% that get a divorce, one leaves the truth.
Now take your brother or your younger siblings, lets say they come to you with your problem, what advice would you give to those you love. Would you advise them to displease Jehovah & go against the council that is written in the Bible, where the divorce or worse, leaving the truth is 90%. How would you advise the ones that you claim to love.
Keep praying, keep reading the Young People Ask, keep resisting Satan & you will turn out happy & your life will be blessed.
Give into temptation, the poem that Vot gave is 90% your future, that or more.
I'm not saying that it can't work, I'm saying you won't be happy, your life will be sad, I did it twice, both of the women I married our now baptized, my first wife has is inactive, but still believes it's the truth, & my second wife had 4 strokes in 1998, she's a little on the nutty side & half the time does not know what she is doing, I hold her no malice, just can't live with her, no one in the family can. I can tell you for sure, I was miserable for 35 years of my 60 years of life. So even if you show your spouse the truth & they except it, both of my wife's did before we were married, their is still sad emotional turmoil.
One more thought, if your boyfriend does not like your dad & won't pay him any honer as your dad, could you & would you be a happy person, not if you love your dad, it just don't work no matter how much you want it too.
Now my answer is a little long, as is your question, but you already knew the answer when you ask the question didn't you?
Let Jehovah pick your spouse when it is time, he will be someone that you will be with forever, & you will be a happy women forever with him.
- LeticiaLv 44 years ago
Well I live on the coast. I got baptized in 1974. Sure there were people saying that it was possible. I remember thinking that I did not think it would happen, simply because it will come "as a thief in the night". I do not remember hearing anything from the platform or written down in literature. I do remember it was a time (right after the peace/love movement) when people were seeking answers. If you even listen to the songs back then, they were very optimistic that there would finally be peace! Of course, how many speeches have politicians and clergy alike said 'peace and security'. Anyway, back to that time period; I was one of about 14 people that came into the truth, pretty much through a couple witnesses. It was an exciting time. I remember people leaving back then because they were disappointed that 1975 wasn't what "they" hoped it would be. BUT, it wasn't that many and pretty much expected when it happened. It is just another time that Jehovah has cleaned out the congregations. It happened then and continues to happen. 1974 & 1975 were very significant times in history. So, nothing to be disappointed about. Let's face it; if a person is serving Jehovah for just a "DATE" they do NOT have pure motive. They have a divided-heart. Not everyone in the organization is there for the right reasons. An interesting part from last week's Watchtower study: 13 The cry "Peace and security" will be just another demon-inspired lie; yet, it will not fool Jehovah's servants. "You are not in darkness," wrote Paul, "so that that day should overtake you as it would thieves, for you are all sons of light and sons of day." (1 Thess. 5:4,5) So let us stay in the light, far away from the darkness of Satan's world. Peter wrote; "Beloved ones, having this advance knowledge, be on your guard that you may not be led away with them (false teachers within the Christian congregation) I will stop there. The apostasy starts within the congregation. This is why we NEED to be on guard. Especially considering the time period we are now living.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Dear sister, you are at a really tough age. I remember being your age, and all the pressure that came with it - pressure not just from others who didn't see why I couldn't date, and from those who wanted me to date them, but pressure from within, seeing cute, nice guys that seemed to have everything else going for them.
Let me tell you, though, speaking as one who did not always make the right decisions, what you do at your age, one way or the other, can affect you for the rest of your life. I would put that in caps but I don't want you to think that I'm yelling at you. I cannot underscore the truth of that enough.
When I was your age, my "type" was completely different than what it was when I was 20, or even now. You WILL change, drastically, in your tastes and your perceptions, as time goes on.
If you date this guy, what will your feelings be about having dated him two or three years from now? Will you have that nagging memory of when you were not loyal to Jehovah weighing you down? That will happen even if you don't go "too far." You will not be proud of disobeying Jehovah's requirements regarding being obedient to your parents, or becoming "unevenly yoked" - even if that yoking is only in the dating sense.
However, if you stay strong, take the steps others have mentioned to confide in an older sister about what you're going through (maybe that sister could even help you to get to the mid-week meeting too), and resist the temptation to date this guy, you will have the contentment of a clean conscience.
Pray about this. Stop feeding the temptation by thinking about him. Talk to your other friends instead. You don't need to be mean, but stop flirting with him. Maybe try reading the Bible itself in the morning - Proverbs, perhaps, would be good at this time for you.
Please believe me when I tell you it is not worth it.
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- angelmusicLv 71 decade ago
Fourteen or even fifteen is way too young to think about marriage.
Your taste in things will change over the next 5 to 10 years.
And your taste in persons will change in the same manner.
You have to have time to settle into what is important in life for you before you can settle into what is going to be important in your marriage.
At this summer's convention, there was a good point brought out in the drama - unless your prospective mate loves Jehovah, he or she does not know the real meaning, significance, and responsibility of marriage. And therefore that marriage will NOT be as happy as it could be.
The world "tolerates" marriage, rather than embracing it on Jehovah's level. You do not want to settle for a second rate marriage when you can have the best.
And remember, loneliness will become a problem if you find yourself going to meetings, service, get togethers, and conventions by yourself, knowing that your mate could be there but chooses to not join you.
And Christmas, Easter, birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving - let's not even go there. You will be borrowing trouble even in the courtship, much less the marriage.
Do what is right in Jehovah's eyes and you will be blessed.
From one who waited till I was 20 and has been married to a FINE brother for 42 years.Source(s): One of Jehovah's Witnesses
- Nevada SmithLv 71 decade ago
I'm sorry to have to say this but you need to get the truth into your heart and let your love of Jehovah motivate your decisions. From what you said in your lengthy question, proves that being intelligent [educated, getting good grades] and being smart [having common sense and wisdom] are certainly worlds apart.
Study God's word with a desire to please him first and foremost. Adam loved Eve more than he loved God and that is why the human race has had it's problems ever since. Smarten up young lady. I was baptized at your age in 1961 and I did not have to be told by my parents or anyone else that dating a worldly person was not the way to apply Bible principles.
If you love and worship Jehovah then you don't even worship the same God as a Catholic or a Baptist. They worship a trinity. Surely you know this!
- IJAHLv 61 decade ago
I am crying over what I just read> You dear ,are entertaining dangerous thoughts about this boy. Tear it out of your heart and let Jehovah help you because Anyone who does not hold Jehovah as the most important thing with their whole heart mind soul and strength can never even come close to giving you the perfect love! the only thing any imperfect man can give you is tribulation in the flesh. even when they are of the light there is tribulation. My husband tried to kill me and he called himself a christian. He hated the name of Jehovah and claimed I was not a christian.Even when i went to his church and wore a cross to please him because you see, I cannot forget that Jehovah is my god and I cannot call Jesus god. There is no way you can please two masters and indeed, he would be your master.Beg Jehovah every hour if you must to free yourself from these desires that are drawing you out and away from the only true love you will ever know that does not bring pain and heartache. Jehovah does not lie and he is always right. You must know that in time you will see this boy for what he truly is, not a lover of Jehovah. This is breaking my heart to think how the wicked one is hurting you this way.This is not the real life . Nothing about it brings joy except for one thing, The love of god is better than any mans love.nothing compares. Nothing.Being hated for loving the name of Jehovah by a so called christian is a torture you do not want, I outta know. Agape.... I think I ought to add that my name is T and when i wore the symbol of T i knew it was my name. I let him believe it was a cross. I would cry out to Jesus in front of him and he would punch me in the head and say i was not a christian.The name of Jehovah is a strong tower and anyone who rejects it will reject you.
- hunterLv 61 decade ago
You do know what the answer is and you also know that its not what you wish in your heart at the moment/day/night in your longing.
Wendi and Vot summed things up for you,nothing new for you to hear BUT more encouragement and as Wendi suggested that when you remove the reason for longing from you,there will have to be something to fill the awful void left in young heart. That CHANCE to date ,fill it with something else very quickly,ask your parents,yea ask them and the older Elders or some older sister you feel comfortable with,and just the act of asking will along with this question here will be a step in the right direction and you will feel like its moving ahead. And remember that chance is a step over the edge if you listen to your treacherous heart.
- 1 decade ago
How can I improve on the advice of my brothers and sisters?
"Listening to a treacherous heart may lead to more trouble and heartache than you would ever want to experience."
charlotte 626 said:
"We are way too close to the time of the end to make foolish mistakes."
"You're going to change a lot over the next few years. Make them good, worthwhile and positive changes. We have a wonderful future to look forward to and it won't be long. Be there!"
"Wait on Jehovah. In his due time He'll set things straight.
Be patient, and He'll give you a Theocratic mate."
"Let Jehovah pick your spouse when it is time, he will be someone that you will be with forever, & you will be a happy women forever with him."
"The world "tolerates" marriage, rather than embracing it on Jehovah's level. You do not want to settle for a second rate marriage when you can have the best."
une fleur said:
"Please believe me when I tell you it is not worth it."
debbie 22 said:
"And if you marry out of the truth he will take your children from you to raise in his religion. He will insist on holidays...and he will be the head...it is his privilege...he will make you lose your dignity, your children and then your life..."
"There is no way you can please two masters and indeed, he would be your master.Beg Jehovah every hour if you must to free yourself from these desires that are drawing you out and away from the only true love you will ever know that does not bring pain and heartache."
Make Sure said:
"Doo speak with your parents, & the elders of your congregation. Their loving support --as long as you have the right attitude-- will encourage you to put Jehovah first, & stay focussed . . . which you show definite signs of having lost! We all need help with our weaknesses! Be sure to enlist Jehovah's help, & work along with --instead of against-- it."
I made a big mistake when I was exactly your age. And I have lived with the terrible consequences of it ever since. How I wish I could only go back and relive that one year, knowing what I know now...
"Be wise, my son and make my heart rejoice, that I may make a reply to him that is taunting me." (Proverbs 27:11)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Something else you can read, is:
What Has Happened to Love? :
- The desire to be loved
- Why True Love Is Hard to Find
- How You Can Find True Love http://watchtower.org/e/200603/article_01.htm
Infatuation feels exactly like you would imagine that true love does,
& is an extremely common occurance during the teen years. However, true love is impossible during such youth, because nether person has finished becoming the person that they will become. And, many changes are made in one's plans during these years of growth---plans that haven't even formed yet!
Recognize that you are in the 'dream' stage . . . And strive to avoid such dreaming. Instead, spend that time seriously concentrating on theocratic activities. "In school?" Yes. If you have time to dream, you have time to research, & time to design theocratic theme-quizes that are based on --to start with-- the articles that you have been counseling yourself with. Then, branch out to other articles & topics. How? Choose key words, make a list of them, & form questions that each of those words --individually-- will answer. If you *really* want a challange, get some graph paper, & put together a crossword puzzle --one per article-- which you can later ink on a new piece of paper, photo-copy, & send to Bethel as well as share with friends! The key is to *actively* avoid thinking about your desire, while readministering appropriate counsel as needed.
Doo speak with your parents, & the elders of your congregation. Their loving support --as long as you have the right attitude-- will encourage you to put Jehovah first, & stay focussed . . . which you show definite signs of having lost! We all need help with our weaknesses! Be sure to enlist Jehovah's help, & work along with --instead of against-- it. . .
"How Can I Improve in My Prayers?"
- Unlocking the Door
- What Your Peers Say http://watchtower.org/e/200811b/article_01.htm
"Draw Close to God in Prayer"
- Why Pray to Jehovah?
- What Requirements Must We Meet?
- Answering Some Questions About Prayer
- How God Answers Our Prayers http://watchtower.org/e/bh/article_17.htm