Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Please tell me if this sounds okay?

im usually not a good writer .. just please tell me if this is alright ? its just a few things i jotted down , please do tell the truth and if you have any edits, let me know .. thanks ..

for every rain drop falling down from the sky,

theres a tear comming out of my eye

and for every leave thats comming down,

well, my head just keeps spinning around

why, did this happen

why, did we break down.

we were almost like a fairy tale

until she came around

in my dreams i see

your big green eyes looking at me

but actually in reality,

its her, not me .

why, did this happen

why, did we break down.

we were almost like a fairy tale

until she came around

how could this be ?

its like we were meant to be

i can barely breathe

its slowly comming to me,

i must confess

that all of this mess

leads to her

do explain; why did this happen,

why in the world did we break down ?

almost like cinderella

until SHE came around !

baby,

why, did this happen

why, did we break down.

we were almost like a fairy tale

until she came around

10 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    i would have to say, this is pretty good. :) give yourself the credit you deserve.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i dont like

    why, did this happen

    why, did we break down.

    but i love

    we were almost like a fairy tale

    until she came around

    i actually teach a song writting class now and the top part to me sounds like you just threw it in there to rime but it isnt really that chatchy 2 me thats just my opinion but i LOVE the rest of the song but if i were u i would thing of some thing else to replace

    why, did this happen

    why, did we break down.

    with something else but keep

    we were almost like a fairy tale

    until she came around

    @ the end of the chorus

    love, maddipatty

  • 1 decade ago

    i love this its so gooood!

    i love everything except kinda this line why, did this happen

    why, did we break down.

    we were almost like a fairy tale

    until she came around

    maybe try to make it ryhm better with the rest.

  • 1 decade ago

    Honestly, this is just straight terrible. I've read poems written by prisoners to girlfriends on the outside and this is worse than those. Any emotionally distraught 7th grader could have written this. Time to move on to a different hobby.

    Source(s): I'm awesome
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  • 1 decade ago

    You need to learn how to punctuate and spell. Otherwise it would probably make as good a lyric set to music as anything else coming out of the radio these days.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    The voice you listen while your making a song is way one of a kind then a recording. But it doesn't matter what individuals say, be optimistic in your self. The individuals that let you know your voice isnt that well could simply be jelous.

  • 1 decade ago

    Start by using capitols and learn to spell or at least use spell check.

  • 1 decade ago

    very repetative but interesting.

  • 1 decade ago

    omg its amazing

  • 1 decade ago

    That really ******* sucks

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