Sheila asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Need your comments for this poem...i started writing my first piece?


To me,

The winter sun seeps

And perspective perspires

The buildings and tall trees,

I hear cool echoes ignite,

Through frost lined leaves

As my reality revolves

By a fraction of degree

As dark, dark dimensions

Are alive with latent lights

Firing through furrowed fields

Of endless broken branches -

Each spark, uniquely euphoric,

To me.

3 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    What a wonderful write of alliterative pairs and combos! Your soft rhymes go almost they should, and you have an interesting mix of "perceptions" that still maintain a flow throughout the entire poem. The brackets of "to me" are actually unnecessary, but serve to bookend your poem, so they're fine as written. I'd hyphenate "frost-lined"...and I'm not sure a comma is in order after "tall trees" as you seem to begin a new observation...I'd say either a period or an ellipses if you feel you need punctuation rather than an blank line between thoughts.

    If this is truly your first poem, it will be a tough act to follow. I really like your imaginative word combinations...nothing cliche, no hyperbole, just clever use of language. Well done!

    ...keep writing!

    Source(s): Editor, New Poets Press
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago


  • 1 decade ago

    i love it it's awesome!

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