My dad is psychotic, I seriously need help? -RP-?
I need to get this out there. I really need someone to listen. It's on WOP because I needed more space.
Please, if you're willing to take the time, and give me your thoughts - your advice. Click the link below.
- Anonymous1 decade agoBest Answer
Look, I'm answering this because you're my contact and when you asked the question I somehow knew that something was seriously wrong...
First off, I wanna say I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that douchebag. He's a coward and a chump and all that jazz...but I don't wanna throw judgment on someone else's father...but from what you say, he's pretty selfish. No one (let alone 4 WOMEN) should have to deal with that bullsh*t.
Second, I want you to know that I sort of know what you're going through in a sense.
My mother was always the light of my life when I was a kid. We were always poor and I never grew up with my father. He split when I was like, 7 months or so. Bastard. Never met him. I'm turning 21 in a month.
But, she always made it so we had food, even though she didn't have very good jobs in Detroit (where I was raised). She made it work.
My mother was raped when I was a child as well. I remember the day...I was like 9 and she was walking to the post office during the night to drop off a letter so someone - I want to say it was my aunt. There was a man who raped and robbed her. He beat her. I was only a kid.
About 2 years later she met a man who lived on the corner of our block and she started to like him. I even liked him too...but that changed very quickly.
We moved into a house that one of my mother's friends helped her buy, and this guy (I'll even tell you his name: Allen) moved in with us. This was in the beginning of 2000. I was 11.
A couple years later, right before I turned 14, I was a freshmen in high school. Allen used to pick me up from school and go and pick my mom up from work. He used to snort heroin in front of me since I was 11. He snorted it out of lottery tickets. I remember that vividly.
One day, we sat in the car and he tuned to me after he had his fix and told me that my mother had been smoking crack for 2 years. He told me that she told him that my father was the one that put her up to it...that she did it when she was pregnant with me. He said it was a miracle I wasn't retarded.
I didn't know what to say to that. All I knew was that I lost my love for her. I hated her for that. For lying to me, and doing drugs...but what I wasn't aware of was that she was one of the most depressed women I ever met.
The next year was when the beatings started. He'd hit her and then I'd get into fights with him. She never called the cops. I wouldn't cause I was scared she would be angry at me if I did.
Allen started to take her car and be gone with it for months. We'd have to get up like 4 in the morning and take the bus to school and work...it was freezing outside.
He'd come back randomly and steal out things and pawn them...very valuable stuff that my dead grandmother gave to her to give to me when I graduated college. My mother had to go in my savings account and take out the savings bonds she had for me FOR college and use them to eat, she said...but I know where they went.
In 2004, I ran away from home to live with my best friend. I started skipping school and getting in the street long before that though...playing with guns, smoking weed, drinking, girls, all of it....I was like 14 when that started.
But in January of 2005, my mom was walking around the corner and was hit by a car. She had a stroke and was put in the hospital for a week. In there, they also diagnosed she had Multiple Sclerosis. She apparently had it for years.
In March of 2005, I went to juvi for 8 months for truancy from school.
During that time, I heard from people who called me from my neighborhood that Allen beat my mom constantly, and had people in and out of my house selling drugs and living there. In my room. They threw out all my clothes. I had nothing. Allen left her there around August of 2005 and she was in a wheelchair. She had no one, no income. Fortunately my neighbors took care of her.
I got out of juvi and my uncle came down from Maryland and took her back to Maryland to live with him. I came to Maryland a year later. I never saw Allen again. I want to kill him. He ruined our lives.
My mother is now in a nursing home, and she's getting no better. Each day her memory slips away more and more. It hurts like hell.
But I want you to know that you have to be strong, baby.
No matter how bad things get, you HAVE TO be strong. Be a rock...not only for you, but for your sisters. They need you.
You might have grown up quick, but people like us learn from our lives. It molds us.
Talk to other family members and tell them what is happening in your home, they will help. They HAVE to know regardless of how scared you are of telling them.
Everything will be okay, hon. Promise.
- 1 decade ago
If your mom wants to stay with him that's her you can't do anything to change her mind. My father was horrible too, still is, my mom left him when I was 5 and never looked back. Even though he got the house, and she was just a waitress and he made a lot more money then she did. Get a tape recorder or a hidden video camera to catch this stuff so you can show people. I think his side of the family is just in denial.After all that's happened, you should really consider talking to a therapist to help you deal with things better. What I really think is your Dad needs some serious help. Some how you need to convince someone on his side of the family of what he really is, make them take off their blindfolds and actually pay attention. Which is where the hidden video camera or "nanny cam" comes in. Also, if you know how to push his button's without being obvious, try doing that in front of his side of the family. Make him blow up in front of them. I know your worried about your sisters, so you really need to do something here. Talk to someone, a cop, a therapist, or a family member that can help you. You should be able to live your life without wondering how hes going to hurt your mother and sisters next.
- RosemaryLv 44 years ago
So you're staying? No matter what?! From the sound of it, he could seriously hurt anyone of your family!!! Maybe even kill someone if he throws a chair in the wrong way and snaps a neck!!! I STILL suggest the best idea is to get out. The second best, if you aren't leaving... drive him out! Can you buy the house from under him? If not, you must work together against him... everyone that can. Do you have a video camera? Always have it ready... when he explodes get it out and film. When he attacks your mom, try to get it when he's not noticing. If you can get a film of his abuse... send it to the cops and you've got him. (If you can get him in prison for a few months... perhaps you can talk to the bank about buying the house so you can pay the bills since he can't because he's in jail? If you can buy the house from under him... you can kick him out!!!!!!) Try to get evidence of his abuse. Go to the police or guidance counslers (for your younger sister/s) with bruises, abusive videos you've taken, ANYTHING that shows his destruction. Annoy the police to the point that you are knocking on their door daily and calling every hour. If you piss the cops off enough, they might help just to shut you up if nothing else. You need to get someone of authority... be it the bank or the police... to get him out. BE SAFE!!!!
- 1 decade ago
Read your story. I'm really sorry about your situation. I think you need to go talk to someone. A doctor, anyone. Honestly, I don't have any other advice except that the cops will only do so much. But if you talk to a doctor or someone and get help from both, it may work out. You do not deserve to have a father treating you like that, ever. Neither does the rest of your family. So go get some help. ASAP. Start looking up contact info online while your dad isn't home. You shouldn't have to go thru this. So I suggest that your family move out from your dad, and get the heck away from him. Best of Luck :)
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- 1 decade ago
I've read it. I'm truly sorry about what's been going on. I really feel you should talk to someone. I agree with the first poster- the cops can't do a lot. It is really terrifying what you're going through. Honestly, you need to tell your mom that your family can't stay with your father anymore. It is not healthy and is going to seriously damage you. Your father has some serious, serious issues and not to be rude but he needs help. He wants to be in control always and has uncontrollable anger. If your mom can't control the situation herself, then talk to someone as soon as possible. I really hope that things will become better for you. I wish you the best of luck.
- 1 decade ago
I've read it, and have read similar stories like this.
Try to do what you can to prevent/avoid the abuse, or at the least some of the biggest attacks. When you are stuck being bombarded with the abuse don't harass or 'talk back' to your father no matter how much you want to get up in his face and return what his doing to you.
Trying to talk and/or reason with him and maybe your mom might work, but being mean back will not help and will most likely make attacks worse. Try to catch him when he is calm too, and explain how you feel about his behavior. Ask him if he wants to change, if he sees his flaws, if he does recognize his own abuse, he needs to seek therapy. Even suggest family therapy instead of just individual - so as not alienate yourself from the problem.
Remember to talk to him like an adult. This does not mean to use profanity or what might be referred to as "adult language," (even though children use these words more often, and think of them as merely a way to get a point across) but to stay calm, focused, respectful, and clear.
Love and respect go a long way in mending a relationship where retaliation and revenge further scorn.
Try to recognize the 'triggers' (things said or done) that really set your father off. If you recognize them it will be easier to avoid doing them to somewhat lessen the frequency of the abuse.
Save up some money, make yourself a plan of where to go to keep yourself safe physically and emotionally, don't burn any bridges. Find a place you can recover in, and leave your past behind.
*Your father sounds like he is a psychological abuser with delusions of
infertility. According to my DSM references, he has both sadistic and paranoia personality disorder. Such people are prone to be defensive, and further threats to their ego's or wishes will cause abusive or sadistic behavior.
If you can't get your father or family to go to therapy, try it yourself, and you'll find that it does wonders - till then hang in there and avoid hostility.
If you have any other questions concerning this matter or any other you are dealing with feel free to drop me an e-mail, and I maybe able to give some usable advice. :)
Hope things work out for.Source(s): The star of Sir K < (The dude) :), my knowledge of psychology, and some C-P information from elsewhere on-line.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I'm so sorry...
I think the police needs to get invloved again.
Have your mom divorce him!
Get a bigger restraining order, and move out!
I know, it's going to so be really hard leaving your house, but you
mom and sibs needs to stay with a friend or something.
It's not safe at your house, he could go too far one day.
Please be brave and just leave.
It's that simple, yet hard.
So, i think you already knew the answer to this question.
- Sir KLv 61 decade ago
I'm reading this and thinking... I'll finish this response afterward, alright?
You can always email me about this sort of thing... I'm always here!
I'm really sorry and if you think of anything I can do to help... at ALL... please tell me!
----------NOT FINISHED ANSWERING--------------
I'd say call the police... but, honestly, it's sad how inaffective they really are at times. (Tomorrow, stay by a phone if you can, as soon as he starts something, call 911 and hang up... unnoticed if you can. They will come to your door... or they should. [I called 911 once by accident... I got them and hungup embarrassed... they came to the door. O_O] So call if he tries anything tomorrow... or at ANYtime. If the police catch him in the act of anything, they can lock him up for a few days at least.)
Secondly, forget the house! I'm sorry to be so rude and harsh... but, seriously, if it's completely in his name, it IS his property. Have your mother devorce your dad if she hasn't already, and get out of the house, find some place, a shack even, whatever you can. Events will only continue by staying with him. You must detach and get away. (Take everything you can with you in the first time you leave. Don't expect to get a chance to come back for anything. You may not get that opportunity. Or, he could destroy everything you leave.)
Ironically, your situation sounds like mine reversed and taken to an extreme. My situation is where my mother WAS sleeping around on my dad. And my sister falsly accused my dad of "being with her". I was there, he had no opportunity where I wouldn't find out. It's so freaky how our lives sounds so simular in a way.
Anyway, you can ALWAYS email me, about anything. And in any serious situation, you can call me as well. Alright? I'm serious.
I have learned from prior questions and conversations about your dad and his family. Sounds to me like he'd be a good match for my mother and her's! Haha! ; ) (I wonder how that'd work out. Hmmm... : ) Too bad that's not going to happen... that could be interesting!)
But, as I said, overall, attempt to move out. Find a place, cheap and available, move out and take everything you REALLY want with you. You might not get to come back... or if you do... everything will probably be damaged.
In the mean-time, stay by the phone and examine his behavior. Anytime you think he's going to explode, call the police. (If it's a false alarm, so be it... but that's safer than him exploding and potentially hurting someone and the police not being there.)
Do what you can to get out. Take everything you can with you. Stay by a phone. Keep in touch with me if you can... please! : ( And be safe!!!!!! Please be careful!!!
Tell me if there is any possible way I can help!
- ZombieLv 51 decade ago
Sorry I want to help but I can't when I click the link I get
"Sorry, the author has not made this chapter viewable to the public yet."