Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

可不可以幫我修改英文作文的錯誤

本篇是my special learning experience

When I graduated from the elementary school, my mom asked me to join the summer camp, Carnegie Training (卡內基訓練). It was a class which taught us to be a leader. I was shy and less confident in front of people, so my mother helped me register it. My mother hoped that I would be brave, confident, and enthusiastic to every audience after class.

The class was all about communicative skills. Formal speaking and informal speaking were two main cores. According to the main core, the teacher designated us to perform a speech every week with a designated topic. All that we had to do was to show ourselves off. At the first time, I was too shy to perform worse on the stage. I couldn’t help but laugh out at the time, but I couldn’t stop it. However, I didn’t speak well as well next week and I flushed all my cheeks seriously. As you could see, how nervous I was. After a month, I could have some gestures and express my emotion step by step. At the last class, the teacher found that I progressed most in class. Eventually, I became more confident than before.

That was my unforgettable learning experience. The teacher not only taught us knowledge which was out of textbooks but also improved our organization. I never forgot that the teacher told us. We should become independent and show off ourselves. The opportunities would come soon.

可以幫我改錯嗎

謝謝

2 Answers

Rating
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    除了第二段 too ... to ... 的地方怪怪的之外,這段感言沒有什麼錯誤,不過我還是以我的方式重寫了一次,提供參考。

    The summer right after my graduation from the elementary school, my mom asked me to join one of the famous summer camp, Carnegie Traning. The aim of the training was to help us build up leadership. I was a shy boy/girl and less confident in front of people, so my mom helped me on the registration. She hoped I could become a brave, confident, and enthusiastic person through this training.

    This training was all about communication skills, including two core sessions, formal and informal speaking. Following the main idea, the coach designated each one of us with a topic weekly and asked us to perform a speech about that. All he wanted us to do was to show ourselves off. The first time I was too shy to perform normally on the stage. I was laughing and laughing, and couldn't stop it at all. And the following week I failed to give a speech as well because I flushed the entire time and couldn't speak a single word. You can now tell how nervous I was in the beginning. After one month of training, I was capable to make appropriate gestures and to express my feelings and emotion properly. In the last class of the training, the coach told me I made the most progress among all the students. So in all, I became more confident than before.

    This is my unforgettable learning experience. The coach not only taught me the knowledge from out of the textbooks but also improved my organization ability. I will never forget what the coach told me. I should become an independent person and express myself in the right way. I believe the opportunity is just around the corner.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hi,

    我是教英文多年的老師

    英國WARWICK大學英語教學碩士

    曾專教英文作文

    我想

    你的奮力向學的精神令人敬佩

    祝你學業成功!

    LANG老師

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