Which song lyrics of mine are better?

both of them have different endings but same intro pretty much and i wanna know which one i should stick with

Walking through the smoke

I got no more... hope feeling all alone and im feeling cold...

Why is no one here why is no one here...

Everyone has someone but im just standing here.

I try to be cool with it and I always think im strong

Thinking its ok someone will come along.

Then one night i started thinking about all the times i tried

Then i realized i always had to hide.

Not just girls but from everybody else...

I gotta change now! I gotta change now!

I cant blame everybody i can only blame myself

I have to find happiness it wont find me

You wont be given changes you have to help yourself

Life is weird game better learn how to play

If i dont change now ill never last a day

I better learn how to play better learn how to play

better learn how to play... Then finally the next day came

best day of my life ... met many of people and got a number or...2

I finally climbed the mountain now i have no where to hideeeeee!

So this is what its like this is what its like... to be out of the tunnel and be on the greener side! .... I feel alight i feel alright I have a couple of numbers and a date tonight...yea... I... feel... all... right

the second one now

Walking through the smoke

I got no more... hope feeling all alone and im getting cold...

Why is no one here why is no one here......

Everyone has someone but im just standing here.

I try to be cool with it and I always think im strong

Thinking its ok someone will come along.

Walking through the smoke

I got no more... hope feeling all alone and im feeling cold...

Then one night i started thinking about all the times i tried

Then i realized i always wanted to hide.

Not just girls but from everybody else...

a tear down my face a hole in the wall and a broken... vase

I gotta change now! I gotta change now!

Find the happy days.... change...all of my ways

A tear down my face a tear down my face and a hole in the wall

also a broken vase

every time I see myself in the mirror i can never hide

Im not one to run away im here to stay

to last another day theres gotta be a way

what more can i say

today will be the day

today will be the day

change today and stay away from yesterday

yesterday is a badddd...day

today is the place to be

look at me i can finally see

through the smoke of yesterday

yesterday

cuz today is the place to be today

dont run away just stay away from yesterday

and everything will be...okay

14 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    david,

    honestly bro, its hard to picture a song, and how the lyrics fit into it, without hearing the melody it was intended to accompany. also, we can't hear your delivery, which is 99% of a songs stability, if you can't sing, nobody is gonna care what the words are, right? next time, make a posting of the song with you singing it on another site, and redirect us there to actually hear it, and they we can give you honest answers. right now, anyone answering this question is probably just blowing smoke up your you know what for those 10 points partner. this is the fair and unbiased answer.

    but from one writer to another, I want to encourage you to keep writing and NEVER let anyone else's criticism hold you back or discourage you. The world is so very full of critics bro, and everyone else thinks they can do it better. Become a master of your craft, and nobody can touch you because what you do will be totally original and only of you.

    right now, to give you some what of an answer, both versions it seems a little jumbled.

    Its hard to give an honest answer though like I said. But I do like the underlying theme about not giving up, and getting over the obstacles, not letting anything stop you. That is a winning mentality.

  • 1 decade ago

    The second one is much better, much more powerful, namely in its imagery, such as the tear on your face, the hole in the wall, and the broken face. You don't describe what happened, but the aftermath seems to make it clear, and thus conveys much more than if you were to explain how those things came to be.

    I like how you leave the future open. In the first version, it seemed you achieved happiness, end of story, end of song, end of dilemma.

    But the second is more powerful because it ends in the present, and you've survived the previous day, but are in the midst of change, where anything could happen. It's more dramatic that way.

    If you wanted to, you could also take the second part of the first version and shape that into another song.

    Definitely go with the second one.

  • Linda
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    My favorite song (right now) is Hole In My Pocket by Sheryl Crow You can tell me the world is round and I'll prove to you it's square You can keep your feet on the ground, but I'll be walking on air You're pretty good at waiting While I go running around Well, that's just the way it is, you know I got a hole in my pocket You give me love and I drop it I guess I threw it away I got a hole in my pocket You give me love and I drop it I guess I'll throw it away I got a four leaf clover I'll throw it over my shoulder I'm gonna need it someday o When things don't go right you lead me Torn up and tied---you free me When life is strange you take me Through every change, you never break me You got a feeling there's a wall that you can never climb I try to be there where you are, I try to be on time But I lose my way oops... almost the whole song... they are my favorite parts, though. I guess I like the whole song.

  • 1 decade ago

    The second song. The words appear to spring from depths of your soul finding hope for today in spite of the pains and sorrows of yesterday. I think many people would be able to relate to that in comparison to the first song which appears to celebrate sources of hope from external happenings.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think that the song is amazing and that the 1st ending would fit better to the song. but overall the song is amazing. your really talented.

  • 1 decade ago

    I like the first one better, but that's just my opinion. Which do YOU like better?

    Answer mine?

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=200909...

  • 1 decade ago

    the second

  • 1 decade ago

    this is relly loooooonnnnnngg

    but i say the 2nd one was bettr than the first

  • 1 decade ago

    The first!

    I love the lyrics....

    is it in minor or major?

    Source(s): I am a song writer
  • 1 decade ago

    nice i like the second better =)

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