Ok im so confused.. Your her mom yet, she's lived with your mother, her father, everyone under the sun but you.. she's gone through hell and back because well theres never been any stability in her life.. and You expect her to move in with a woman that abandoned her from day one since she's lived with everyone but you.. and expect her to just be all great and lovely and sweet.. Not going to happen, she feels abandoned, unloved, and unwanted.. and if u kick her out now, you'll lose her forever.. especially over something so stupid.. so what she texted to someone that she wished her step dad was dead.. geeze do u know how many step children wish they could make their step parents disappear ???? thats a seriously retarded reason to kick your child out.. Fine she needs some discipline, no doubt.. and yes you and your husband need to be a united front against your child.. but u cant expect her to change over night when you havent been there much in 16 years and allowed her to be in households that had No structure, no doubt she blames you for just about everything bad in her life cause WHERE HAVE U BEEN??? she needed u .. and u left others to be responsible and now that she's with u , ur ready to toss her out again.. YOUR PATHETIC you created this monster by your crappy choices, yet u dont want to do anything to fix it... U have 2 SHORT years to be responsible for this child, SURELY you can handle 2 years .. You and your husband need to come up with a game plan.. and u need to be a united front, and you both need to realize this girl has alot of resentment and anger in her, and its going to take awhile for her to work through her own mental issues brought on from the situations that have bounced her around so much, she's so use to people tossing her away like trash , every thought shes trying to push u both away cause she's scared of feeling anything for u or your husband so she's going to push you both so far away as a test to see if you'll still love her or if u'll be like everyone else and send her away.. My suggestion.. when she goes to school tomorrow, u and your husband take everything out of her room, except her bed and clothes and books, its time to make a list for her to see of your expectations for her, and the house rules, etc.. and she can earn things back like her cell phone, computer, tv etc.. by doing what she's expected to do, act the way she's expected to act.. re-enforce that your and your husband love her, and she can act up all she wants but your both not going to give up on her.. and her life will go alot smoother and happier if she just gives in and starts doing things the right way instead of attention seeking through bad behavior.. respect is earned not given, she needs to earn respect and trust.. start with a low curfew.. say 8pm on school nights explain to her that as long as she always notifies u of where she is and she's home by 8 that a few times of being on time at 8 you'll push it back to 9 and so on till which ever time u feel comfortable with.. but the moment she doesnt show up on time, then she goes to school and comes home.. if she has a license take it away, if she wants a license, then use it as something to earn, if u do this , this , and this.. then you'll show me that your responsible enough and respectful enough to get behind the wheel and we'll go get your license, if she has one take it away and explain its a luxuary not a necessity and that she can earn her license back when she decides to straighten up her act.. make everything a "possitive reenforcement" because she's already all about the negatives, shes only going to hear negatives and she'll focus on it if u say anything that is negative.. but you and your husand need to be united on this.. or it wont work she'll tear u both apart if she see's she can divide you.. she's wanting structure, stability and love, and although she's trying to fight it.. its because she has learned not to trust in any of it.. so she's wanting u both to prove to her that she's WORTH something because she feels she has zero self worth because in her mind no one wants her cause everyone keeps getting rid of her, or not caring, or hitting her.. TIME TO FIX THE MESS U CAUSED MOM.. stop avoiding and attack the problem head on.. sending her away only avoids, and shes' your daughter u cant keep avoiding her she wont just disappear..