Is this harmful in a relationship?

I am a self harmer, have been for 5 years. I do not go over the top, and i do not have any desire to die, it is purely a coping mechanism, which i have not yet found a different outlet for. My boyfriend, understandably does not like this, and has said on many occasions that he wishes for me to stop, but will not get in the way. He said he didn't think he was being a good boyfriend by letting me do it. I've spent the last week with him at his house, and have self harmed once, and bled alot, and he walked in and got very upset. My question is do you think it is harmful for him, and should i just hide it to keep him from blaming himself?

Please, no ''Just stop doing it, it's stupid'', i know it's not the right way to release emotions, but at the moment it's my only way.


I have had help in the past in various forms of councelling, therapy and medication. I prefer to be able to have the ups, as well as the downs, rather than just have grey all the time, hence not being on meds, and in all honesty as much as it helps talking to trained professionals, my outlet is my outlet, one day i will be able to change it, but for now i am unable to.

4 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I do think it's bad for the relationship. If he sees you doing it and he can't help it makes him feel helpless. You're hurting and there's nothing he can do to make it better for you. He won't stay around to watch you continue to hurt yourself.

    If you hide it from him, then you don't have an honest relationship and that's doomed to failure. For one thing, now he knows you do it so he's going to ask you if you've stopped. If you tell him you have you're lying and once you start lying, it's over.

    I agree that you can just stop cold with this coping mechanism that you have gotten used to over several years but I think that you need to start trying to learn new and better, certainly more healthy, coping mechanisms. Maybe he can help you with this and support you in your efforts. It will be a big change for you and having his support will help a lot.

    I think both of you should find a support group. Talking to others who have found other ways of dealing with anxiety will help you and talking to others who have girlfriends/boyfriends who hurt themselves will help him understand you better. There are lots of websites out there.

    Look at this site and start trying to work thru this with him.

    This is a website from a girl who accepted help and found new ways to deal with life

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you need to work with a professional to discover what is is in your past/present that provokes you to inflict harm to yourself. Once you find the answer to that question, the cycle could stop.

    Source(s): I was in therapy for depression with some people who did the same thing.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    See someone to find a more productive way of coping

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You need major league quality psychiatric help.

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