Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

My wife tells me she doesn't want a divorce, but.?

My wife tells me she doesn't want a divorce, but she doesn't want to be around me or talk to me. When I tell her nice things she just gets more mad. I didn't tell her nice things all of the time, but I still did. I am still paying all of the bills for the house and car payment, even though we have been seperated for two and a half months already. She expects me to keep on doing this. She also says alot of really mean things. I still love her very much and want to make this work. What should I do?

22 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    she cant have it both ways. the marriage AND the cash, or the (SMALLER) alimony check and a divorce. make your choice. and quit gettin played.

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like you both want to be committed to each other, but have personal conflicts that make it difficult to actually live with each other.

    My guess, take it for what it's worth, is that despite your attempts at civility and sweetness, there are some core issues you (and her) are not addressing. I applaud you at your attempts of kindness, but perhaps they are a band-aide considering how much emotional distance there is between you two.

    Perhaps you could sit her down and ask a very painful question: "What is the first time I did something that you feel put emotional distance between us?" And prepare to do a lot of listening. Don't feel an immediate need to defend yourself, just listen. What you then do is up to you, but I would recommend professional counseling, religious if you are religious.

    If you can get to where the road diverged, you can start to merge it back again. It sounds like you have started to be the man, but you may have a lot more to do to bring your marriage back in to harmony. I'm rooting for you.

  • 1 decade ago

    she is obviously not happy. and sounds like you try your hardest to make her happy. the reason she doesn't want a divorce is because she can get away with having you pay for everything and she feels like she can exclude you from her life. so for her being with you is a win win for her. and she is messing with your mind saying that she doesn't want a divorce for you think that maybe there is still hope for the women that you love. but it is actually just a lose lose for you. i know it is a horrible thing to go through. but take yourself out of the picture and look at it from another view. how much longer do you want to be used.

  • Erika
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    It sounds to me like your wife is taking advantage of you. If she wants to be separated, then she doesn't love you very much if at all, and it looks to me like your feelings are unrequited. I think she doesn't want a divorce because she knows she will have to support herself otherwise, and she isn't used to working hard. I personally work very hard at my minimum wage job just to be able to pay rent and eat. My husband does the same. It is our dream one day to be able to make enough money to have a baby and a car and rent a house. If I were your wife I wouldn't take you for granted like your wife has. My recommendation to you is to let your wife go, as hard as it will be for you, get a divorce, and find yourself a woman who works for minimum wage. I say this because my whole neighbourhood is poor and I find that everyone here works hard, appreciates everything they have, and understands the value of a dollar. Find yourself a modest woman who will appreciate what you give her, love you for who you are, and work hard to do her part in your household.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I'd suggest you stop being so nice. It's quite possible that you're turning her off by being too nice and thus appearing wimpy. Women are funny that way.

    I would suggest developing a healthy interest in some other woman and a subtle disinterest in her.

    I'm not saying be an ***, just stop kissing hers.

  • 1 decade ago

    What you are doing is allowing yourself to be emotionally abused in order to keep this woman in your life. Look around, she is already gone, all but the hand that is in your wallet. Get the divorce and find someone who deserves your love and devotion

  • 1 decade ago

    dude you need to grow some now and fast you are paying for her to go slu* around and you are at home paying bills, putting gas in the car she is driving so she can go see her sancho, just get a divorce get rid of her you sound like a good guy..

  • 1 decade ago


    I really don't know the reason why she acts that way. have you done something wrong? Because situation like this does not happen in just a day. Any way your love is just enough, if it is real, you have to understand, that women's love is forever unless you did something that hurt them so much. Now, If you want to know what to do to take her back, email me at, and I'll advice you how you can have her back. If you could tell me what really happened it will be a great help for us to plan our move. God Bless. I am ready to help you.

  • 1 decade ago

    I really want to say divorce her, but I think that she has a deeper problem and needs therapy. Take her to a doctor and see if they can find out the problem, and if the problem really is you then you need to file for divorce....stop paying the bills.

  • 1 decade ago

    You should put your foot down and let her see exactly how it is to be on her own. Give her exactly what she wants, except let her pay all her own bills too. It won't take her very long to figure out what she wants to do.

  • 1 decade ago

    Perhaps she's testing the waters. One quick way to tell, be seen with other women. If she get's jealous there's a chance, if not it's probably dead already. Love and marriage are a bonding relationship, it's not easy to leave once you've bonded.

    Sweet Mildred is my leader , crawl into her playpen with me.

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