18 yrs old, no girlfriend, no first kiss, no sex... I feel like I'm dying...?
...I don't know what to do.I'm 18 years old...this is the saddest time of my life. All y life I been told "don't worry your gonna find someone soon" by my family and friends and a yet to find anyone in this god-forsaken world.I seen plenty of kids kissing, a lot of them less younger than me, including my sister. Heck, this question isn't that much about sex I just added that for some more answers cause I don't know if there's 1 simple single girl that would take the initiative to talk to a shy guy, most girls can choose to be single or not, but not guys, we ALWAYS have to make the first move at least 90% of the time. I usualy come out as "tough" and "manly" a lot of times and I'm pretty sure am not hard to look at, but lately I can't stop crying... This partner/girlfriend/relationship thing is driving me insane...It's ruining my grades at college, making my family worry, It makes feel like commiting suicide and just forget it all my worries, the shameful grades, the depressions, the mood swings, the lonelyness, the crying, just #!%^%$ everything...and please don't just tell me "be confident" those are just words, they mean nothing.I can't believe that on top of that, I never been kissed *sob*, which is pathetic. If a girl has bad social skills, shy, and not outgoing, she can still get a boyfriend, but if a guy is shy, has bad social skills, and not outgoing, he is going to struggle. C'mon, it's true, shyness hurts guys a lot more than it hurts for girls... My life is turning into one big mess thanks to this"lovesickness" . I even have dreams about actually meeting the girl of my dreams (how sad is that) and every time i wake up I felt kinda sad like someone ripped my heart out... you know what I mean. lol (emo bull#%#$).I tried different mettods to fix this like, ignoring the problem and saying "girls aren't every thing", faking smiles, already went to going to 2 different psycologysts,ect..., and none of them worked...
I have an atletic-ish build,I'm tan, I'm tall but I can't get past this ^#^#&$ thing thats ruining my sanity.The worst part is that this problem..., IT'S CHANGING WHO I AM. I am not a sad person but it's like I got no $@$^$% choice... I don't know what to do, when to do it, who to ask, or why even bother and just end it all...I have no idea if I'll even manage to reach 20...I not the obsessive lover type but even I need someone to hug or cuddle or kiss gently once in a while, but I get nothing, just nothing, not even out of luck...I have this horrible nightmarish feeling that I'll end up...alone...and just want to end It once and for all..., or a least for while to relieve myself out this lonely feeling in which everyday you wake up and feel like something missing, that can only be compared to the losing a loved one. If you read all of this thank you for your time, your answers are greatly apreciated. (PLS ANSWER SERIUSLY AND HONESLY)
- 1 decade agoBest Answer
Wow man. I feel you. I'm 23 an although I've dated alot of girls, there were at least 3 college years were I was alone. I wanted so bad to have some companionship from a girl. Not even sex, just to love someone and have them love me back..... Feel bettr knowing that your feelings aren't strange.
First off, you're depressed and that's just difficult. I was depressed too, and it made me even more shy and less confident. Girls could pick up on that, so I only got weirdo girls that would want to talk to me. (I know, you'r probably going to say that you don't even have the strange girls. Let me finish...) Point is, I wanted so badly to have a girl care enough to help me through my problems. I didn't happen like that. Honest truth is, I had to work on myself first and then the girls started to come. I know, it's not fair, but it's the truth.
Having said that. You're probably a freshmen in college and believe me, college isn't like what you see on TV. Alot of kids feel alone and alienated and depressed. They just hide it in public bc they want to mak friends. You should try more to do the same. Being shy is so tough. It'll take work to fix but you can. Here's a link to a question I answered for a young lady a few days ago. It'll help:
anyway, I bet you'd get rejected a whole lot less than you think if you'd just go up to a girl and start a conversation. Remember, a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. You never know, she could be your first gf. Don't go up to a girl that's pretty but looks b*tchy though. Find a girl that's more your type and introduce yourself in class. You don't have to ask her out right away. Just introduce yourself and after you casually see her in class a few times, ask her out for coffee.
Anyway dude, believe me you're not a weirdo or anything. I can tell by what you wrote, you're smart and are in touch with who you are. And don't feel embarrassed about being depressed or having to see psychologists. The greatest minds on earth go through serious fights with depression. Girls will understand that.
***By the way, I know it's frustrating that guys have to approach grls, but it's not bc they're heartless b*tches. Any girl will tell you, it's bc they're insecure themselves. Most girls are terrified of rejection so they wait for a guy to approach them. That's exactly what you're doing. You'll find someone. Set a goal to have a girlfriend by Christmas break. You can do it!
- AnnLv 44 years ago
I had an answer for you too, but saw it was deleted. Here it is: I hate when people claim to know exactly how I feel, so I won't say that I do, but I'm pretty damn close. I agree with you. Society puts the ball in the guy's court to make the first move. I understand that can be daunting, but I will tell you this - some girls like shy guys. They're intriguing. They have an air of mystery about them, and it's been my experience that once you do get them to open up, they hold a great conversation. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Don't necessarily ignore the problem, but try and focus on something else. Take up an interest at college to try and meet some people. Get out of the house. Keep on keeping on. That's all any of us really can do. But if you are truly depressed, you should continue to go to a psychologist. If you believe in soulmates - and I'll assume you do since you mention your "dream girl" and such - you'll believe me when I tell you that there is someone for you. Whether you approach her because you're so drawn to her that your shyness doesn't matter or she approaches you because the attraction is so great, it will happen. You're young. You have a good sixty plus years ahead of you. Don't end it now. Love can be an amazing thing and you definitely want to stick around to experience it. Shoot me an email sometime if you need an ear to listen. I've got two of 'em. =)
- 1 decade ago
I read it. Okay I'll be honest. You say 18 like that's really old or something. That's really young! And you say you are shy, but look at how this is eating away at you. It's so sad, it's so hard on you. So next time you see a girl you want to ask out, think to yourself - what's the worst thing that could happen?
She could say no.
Will the world stop spinning if one girl out of billions says no? Of course not. Will that girl's 'no' change you as a person? Of course not. It's just a no. So think to yourself, is it worth it to try and be bold and just do it or go home and regret not doing it?
Let me tell you something - it's ALWAYS better to regret the things you do than the things you didn't.
You sound like a good guy. I wouldn't be surprised if in a few months you look back at this time of your life and think - wow, things changed. I hope it does. One day, I know people say this and find it hard to believe but it's true, one day you'll find someone.
As an alternative, there's always some interesting online dating websites. I'd be a little wary of them but you never know.
Be yourself. Be happy with yourself. Enjoy your freedom to do what you want when you want while you still have it! ;)
- 1 decade ago
Well, I don't know what to say that would take it all away and make of better, but I can say this. God has someone special planned out for you. You may not believe in Him, that's fine. But things will work out. Life can suck dude, it really can. It's taken me a year to get over a relationship that never existed. I've never been kissed, nothing like that. I too feel like I'm on the brink of insanity. These are all blank words in your ear that mean nothing. I know a year ago when I was on y!a asking how I could get over a never existing relationship, all I got was "time." Yeah, that's not working well. Being confident is stupid, especially when you're shy. It just makes you seem way too outgoing. And "being yourself." that works....sometimes. When you're a shy guy, (which is good. So many guys are macho and stuff. I hate it.) it takes longer to find someone that's incredibly outgoing. Opposites attract. So chances are, a girl will find you, not vice versa. Really, I'm sure things will work out. I can't say they will forbme. I can't see the light at the end of my tunnel, but I can with you. Try to find someone who's outgoing and spunky, (but someone you like) and try to fill the holes on their life while they fill the holes in yours. Dont give up hope. Feel like giving up hope. Feel like crap everyday of you feel like it. Because when you see someone, anyone that notices you, itllnchang everything. In the meantime, there's alot of drama that I'm going through that I waited forever to experience, and honestly, when it's all said and done, I wish the drama never happened. I don't want to give out my email address, but I have a YouTube account. (yaldah1995) no, i dont post videos, never have. But yiuncan talk to me there. Just to vent. And btw, you obviously aren't thattt shy. You wrote quite alot up there. Write more. You aren't girly because you write, write in public if you feel like it. (chicks dig it...) I'll pray for you. Things aren't horrible in your life, even though it feels like it. They could be worse. <3
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
First things first
I couldnt read it all I just read the initial heading.
But the good news ....
Girls are very forgiving when it comes to lack of experience. A lot mroe forgiving than you'd ever think.
Go out and socialize. Hang out with as many people as you can. Expand your network. If you want a girl you have to be proactive and go get her. Girls wont come to you ....
To me it sounds like you don't have much of a life. Make sure you have your bros, your hobbies and other activities that you love to do.
Basically before you can get a girl you have to be happy with yourself as a single on the dating market. If you can enjoy life while being single the rest will come on its own.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I'm sorry you're feeling such pain. :[
What is your personality like, would you say? Your personality is just as important as your appearance, so you might be doing something that turns off girls.
Also, I think you should try branching out and meeting new people, perhaps joining new clubs or something, and make new friends. Be friendly and courteous, and I'm sure you'll catch someone's eye eventually.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
THE HONEST TRUTH:
Guys "choose" girls based on their looks, so even a girl with a lame personality can still get a guy.
Girls "choose" guys based on personality, so you NEED to have a good personality to win over a girl.
Learn not to be socially awkward. Yes, you MUST learn to be confident. Whining about not getting girls isn't making the situation any better. Girls absolutely do not like shy guys, and the ones who do, I guarantee you 100% that they are the bossy controlling type and trust me: you would rather be alone than be with one of these psycho girls. Grow some balls, man. Learn to talk to girls (but not in a creepy way).
Girls love when guys are charming, funny, smart, and above all, a good person. Are you any of these traits? If not, then WORK ON IT.
- 1 decade ago
Show no mercy for you shall receive none.
Call her, she's waiting.
Ask her out, only the right ones say yes.
Awesome is a synonym for you.
Fear is a reflex, confidence is a choice.
Why fear the unknown when you can conquer it?
Falling is not defeat, not getting up is.
Pain is temporary, glory is eternal.Source(s): Courage Wolf Make him your mentor, learn from his teachings, apply them to your life and soon you will get any girl you want. You are a man, anything is possible if you decide to do it, so take the initiative and get what you want. I believe in you and so does Courage Wolf. http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&um=1&q=coura...
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Why do you feel that sex is the only thing that can fulfill your life. I waited until I turned 18 (which was 10 months ago) to have sex. And now I f-ck almost every night, in fact not always with the same guy. You see, 18 yrs with nothing and now I get f-cked all the time. Excuse my language.
- 1 decade ago
OMG your one sweet guy seriously i would love boyfriend like you just to cuddle and hug i love that stuff im not so talkative im shy i mostly would like to hang out you sound great i bet there are girls that would want you don't give up