Recently, my husband informed me..........?

Recently, my husband told me that my being stressed out all the time was putting a damper on our marriage. I know that i have been stressed out and i have been depressed (for which i started medication today) but i need some advice. HOW can I reduce my stress? How do i not let things affect me as badly as they have been?

Update:

LMAO! I've tried the marajuana thing. and while it completely relaxes me, my husband is anti-marajuana so that just causes more problems...

Update 2:

The things that stress me out the most are work, school and my kids. AND i cant quit any of those! Maybe that's why i'm stressed, because I'm stuck in a position that i cant control. I HAVE to work and go to school and take care of my kids.

Yes, it certainly is a catch 22. I said the same thing to my sister, "as if i wasnt stressed out enough, he has to go dump that on my plate"

25 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Personally, I don't think medication is the answer as it just covers up the problems (i.e. makes you *feel* better) rather than resolves them. At least the cannabis (pot) is non-toxic and won't hurt you (perhaps your hubby needs to read the research; print out info. from www.norml.org). If you're in a medical state that allows recommendation of cannabis for depression/stress you could pursue this to avoid legal problems as most people are against using pot simply because of its legal status. At this point, around 800,000 people are arrested every year for just possessing a little pot. Worth the risk?

    The real trouble is the work, school, and kids. Since you haven't provided any real details I'll have to make a few assumptions about what exactly the problems are with work, school, and kids. Let's start with work. Leave it at work and don't bring it home with you! Learn some stress relieving techniques such as getting yourself some alone time (i.e. "me time") and taking several, slow, deep breaths (gets your brain more oxygen and helps calm you down and get rid of built up stress). Exercise, even something as simple as walking around the block, can help immensely as well. Whatever you choose to do, try to leave the work at work!

    Children. What is the problem here? I have three myself, so I absolutely know how children, especially young ones, can be a chore! If it's that you lack control (because they constantly act out) then you need to regain that control. With children the key is consistency. If you have a rule, don't let it slide but enforce it at every opportunity. Children, no matter what age, like to push boundaries and limits. It's how they learn. Your hubby should be a part of this as well, since, if you are the one who primarily takes care of the children, they are going to see you as the 'nurturing one' and won't necessarily respect you as much (i.e. you're not "authoritarian"). Someone needs to apply the discipline (not talking spankings or anything like that, but just being firm in voice and actions---telling them to do something, fully expecting them to do what you ask of them and seeing to it that they actually do it). Children are little stress-bunnies, but it is something that with time and consistency can be managed.

    School: Are you going to school to advance your education? If that's the case, you've got quite the work load on your shoulders!! Good for you! Just know that it won't last forever and you'll be done with the schooling. You'll need to develop some effective time management (read a book about it!) and set aside a certain amount of time to doing the school work, taking care of the kids, and working.

    Lastly, I have to wonder where is the husband in all of this? What does he do? Does he have as much on his plate as you do on yours? If he's just working and then comes home to drink a beer and sit on the couch (or something as equally useless to the home life) then he needs to get off his duff and help his wife out!! That would help take off some of the load of your home life. He needs to help take care of your (as in, both of yours) kids!

    Seriously, you two got married and should be working together to keep your household together. It shouldn't be just you keeping everything from falling apart!!

    Lastly, this question is better posed to your husband. He should be the one helping you (that's what he pledge to do in his wedding vows, afterall). Tell him that you can't do this on your own and ask for his help! If he won't give it, then perhaps a little marriage counseling will help him--or both of you---to gain some perspective and learn how to find balance in the chaos.

    Good luck!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Stress is a normal part of life and so is Depression...I don't think a medication is going to help. It is just covering up your problems instead of dealing with them. Medications can become addicting and in some cases put you into an even deeper depression.

    Like I said stress in normal but too much stress can cause problems. For starters you can try praying about your problems and ask God to help you. If you have children that can put even more stress into your daily life. try going for a walk or spending a little bit of time alone each evening. I find that taking a bubble bath helps relax you and helps with the stress levels. Good luck to you..I hope you find the happiness that you are looking for.

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  • pinder
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    Why could you doubt monogamy works effortlessly when you consider that you may have a deficient excuse for a husband? Clearly, throughout you on this international there are joyful marriages containing couples who keep devoted to eachother. Some folks were married for 60 years and feature a stayed devoted. The undeniable fact that the fool you're married to might no longer even wrap his mind across the standards of affection and constancy has no pertaining to what different husbands are ready of. Be sensible and go away that moron.

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  • Kaia
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    You need to:

    Exercise - it releases endorphins which improve your mood. Better yet, do something together.

    Eat healthy - Again...healthy body...makes you feel better than eating all that pre-processed crap.

    Do meditation - When you breathing deeply and focusing on a word or phrase it's really hard to be stressed.

    Get a good night's sleep - the exercise. meditation and diet will all help that.

    Do something you enjoy - nothing competitive, just something that gives you pleasure.

    Journal - helps to write it all down, but he has to agree not to snoop. This is the place you get to be as angry and stressed as you want.

    Journal - write down 2 positive things that happened every day.

    Eliminate or reduce your stressors - my doctor tells me this, and yet refuses to support me financially. So, I'm still working on eliminating my job stress, but that's what the goal is.

    Stress always impacts you. The question is whether or not you let it ruin your life.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Realize that being stressed and worried never fixes anything, it only ages you and can make you exhausted and depressed. Try some relaxation techniques. You can find some on the internet. Also, meditation is about the best thing a person can do to mellow out. It takes practice but it's worth it. Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well, since you just received your medication today, see if that works. Some people are just high strung and let every thing get to them. Don't sweat the small stuff and if you have no control over the situation, don't stress off of it.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Find an "outlet" someplace to funnel all your frustration and anger and feeling lost. Some use exercise, others talk, I like to read. You have to find something that gives you me time, time to reflect, time to figure everything and just think. I deal with the same issue and sometimes it is hard. But your loved one has to be willing to help you through the rougher patches, hold your hand when you need it and sometimes back off. More importantly they have to love you for you, including your depression and all the quirks that came with it, not love you in spite of. Good Luck!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Start taking turns giving each other back massages during the week. Find activities you can both do together that you enjoy - my husband and I play tennis, jog together, play games like Scrabble - that sort of thing. You both need to find things to do that help you decompress - but mostly, you need to remain a team and remember you must work together, not apart. Good luck!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Gotta love those catch 22s. He has every right to say you being stressed is hurting the relationship. But when you hear that, it only furthers to stress you out more. My question is, are there any activities in your life that you can cut out that are causing undo stress? Are you just letting things get to you?

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  • 1 decade ago

    Do fun things together. Such as riding a bike or running, or even try something new in bed ;) Do something together no tv, no one else just you too. You become closer, you would release some of the stress and you will enjoy your time together also play monopoly that game is so crazy fun. Don't even read instruction do it your own way.

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