英文文法檢查

我寫的題目是:explaining a process that everyone claims is so important but that you have found to be a waste of your time

如果可以的話可以幫我把文章改得更好嗎 可以把我的句子刪掉沒關係, 然後幫我看看conclusion要怎麼寫 不一定要沒關係 非常謝謝

Today, computer is very popular. Most of people have at least on computer at home. A research said teenager spends at least four hours on computer everyday. Computer is their intimate, not the parent. It is very important to them, without the computer they don’t know what else can do. But in my opinion I think the computer waste people a lot time; we can’t really learn something from it.

There are several reasons people like to spend time on computer. Facebook, Myspace or some famous blogs are the website that the people usually look everyday. Those website bring the amusement to teenager. In here people can make new friend from different part of the worlds, and share the event with other people. Online game is the other reason people spend time on it. When you play online game, you can feel that you are in different world. In that different world you can find the treasure and make you own money. Although the website and online game bring people amusement, but people paid out the time.

Although must people have at least one computer at home, but we still can avoid spend too much time on computer. Instate viewing the website, you can use those time to go to library to get gain knowledge. The knowledge you gain can go with you for whole life, but the website you see you can’t really get something from it. In addition, we can spend more time on outside, instate to stay at home playing online game. When you go outside, you can do something more meaningful compare to playing online game. The entire thing you got in the online game is fake. The computer may let you feel aerialist when you become older, so don’t waste your time on it.

2 Answers

Rating
  • weiwei
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Computers are very popular in the progressing society we now live in as most people have at least one computer in their homes. Research shows that teenagers spend a minimum of four hours on computer activies everyday. They regard computers as essential everyday equipments and the lack of it would result in boredom and nothing to do. However it is in my opinion that spending time on computers is a waste of time and the knowledge and benefits gained are extremely limited.

    There are several reasons why people like to spend time on computers. Facebook, Myspace or any other blogs are very popular nowadays in which it causes one to spend excessive amount of time on browsing them. These websites provide teeagers with a past-time and amusement as friends can be made on these websites and also events and emotions can be shared. Online games is another reason why people use the computer. Online games create a fantacy world where you can find treasures or make your own money just through a click of a mouse. Playing online games may serve as an entertainment and stress relief yet in the long term, it is very futile and time-consuming.

    Although it is an unavoidable fact that the majority of people have at least one computer at home, there are still ways of spending time constructively without having to consult the computer. Instead of viewing websites in order to do research, the libary is an useful place to do the exact same thing yet with ten times as much gain. In addition, something more meaningful like going outside can be done to reduce the hours spent on playing online games or doing anything as vain as that. Online games are built upon fantacies, dreams and non-existant exultations, therefore times spent on it should be kept to a minimum. Don't waste away your years on computers because it's just not worth it.

    Hope you like it..

    2009-09-08 16:30:56 補充:

    conclusion 你需要 summarise 你的主要 points/arguments

    可是你的 argument 沒有很多所以簡單兩句就可以了

    2009-09-08 16:31:46 補充:

    You can go something like:

    "Consequently,

    2009-09-08 16:34:10 補充:

    one should not spend excessive amount of time on computers because it would not benefit in the long term however, one may argue otherwise.

    2009-09-08 16:35:59 補充:

    conclusion 要寫到你的 thesis, in this case 是你的題目 , 你的 introduction 也應該要回答你的題目

    Source(s): me, myself and I
  • 1 decade ago

    http://tw.babelfish.yahoo.com/translate_txt

    到這

    他可以幫你翻譯

    看看你哪錯了

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