Parent's marriage falling apart...advice?
ok so for a couple of months now i have been watching their marriage slowly fall to pieces. my dad announced they were getting divorced and my mother told me the same thing yesterday. so my questions are:
how do i prevent myself from showing dislike to either one of them?
advice on how i should handle their quarreling? right now i'm ignoring it as best as possible.
my mother plans on leaving the country and wants my sister and i to come up with her. i don't want that and she got pretty upset with me. any way to avoid a next episode like that?
is it bad that i want my parents to get divorced quickly? i can't handle the constant quarreling i have to endure every, single day.
thanks for your answers.
i'll be 17 in October.
they are both J.W.s my dad is inactive.
ray i'm never getting married. their example and others are enough.
sulaimaan thank you. :-)
- ray_clrkLv 51 decade agoBest Answer
My parents went through the same thing. When i was younger (16) mine fussed and fought so much, sad to say i was glad they separated it was just that bad. I may have been wrong but that was the way i felt back then. In court i think the age is 14/15 where the child can decide which parent he or she can go live with, providing that parent can take care of that child..... With that being said I myself would really consider the parent that will look out for my spiritual needs FIRST.. will they take me to the hall, will they make sure i get my lessons (school, and the meetings). Not just Let me do what i wanted. Also the one that will take care of my emotional and physical needs. So just consider that...
I like the sitting them down yourself to talk with them suggestion someone posted above me and tell them to get counsel and remember the reasons they got married in the first place and to try it out for six months. Unless infidelity is involved its up to the innocent mate, to stay or separate.....
You are going to Hurt Rachel, a matter of fact hurt alot if this dont work out. But do your part as a child, talk to them, beg them if you have to. But in the most negative circumstance of this situation; even though its gonna hurt in this process my advice to you is to be STRONG. This is something that goes on in 50% of married people. If in these last days family members let Satan get one crack in the 3 fold cord the Battle is even tougher. I hope im not giving you bad advice if you feel that way disregard what i say, but i do feel youre gonna have to be strong. And promise yourself that when you grow up and get married you will do everything in your power , not to let Satan come between you and your marriage. (Matt 19:6). Like I say Im really hoping that they work things out , but if for some unreasonable way that it do not. Like i say, Its gonna hurt you and your siblings, but you must be strong for each other and yet you will LIVE through this terrible crisis.
Our prayers are with you little sis.
- 1 decade ago
I know what you're going through. I've been through the same.
I would advise that you don't try and hide your feelings from either of them. Anger and feelings of betrayal are normal. They are in a pretty horrible place too now, but in order to make the right decisions for themselves and for you they need to know how you feel and what you're thinking. Emotions are running hot and they will probably say and do things which they will regret. Your mother wants to run away, which is normal. I'm guessing, since you don't want to leave, that you like your Dad and the place where you live. It's good you told her you don't want to move. If you want her to listen, honesty (blunt honesty) is always best.
My parents seperated: my Dad got remarried and my mother has jumped from relationship to relationship. It's been a very bumpy ride but I can say that I've come out of it all right and a much stronger person. Your parents still love you. Things might seem chaotic and dark right now, but I promise that it will get better.
- SuzyLv 71 decade ago
Rachel, I am so sorry to hear this. It's very hard on children and your age is hard enough as it is. If you are an active JW pray all you can and put it in Jehovah's hands. This always takes time to work out but I know you want to see better days now. Life isn't that way and one of the hardest things to learn in life is to wait. You said your dad is inactive so his faith is faltering. See if you can find some articles on depression and if he won't let you hand them to him, leave them where he'll find them. Again, pray like mad. As for getting mad at them, that is so normal and if you weren't mad I'd be worried about you. Your mom can't take you out of the country without your dad's consent. That's the law. She will be kidnapping you if she does and that's not good.
I am a JW also and will be praying for you and your family.
Love in Jehovah
- sugarbeeLv 71 decade ago
Dear Rachel, I am so sorry to hear about your dilemma, divorce is never an easy thing...but staying in a harsh environment isn't either.
This is your parents mess that they have to clean up...you and your sister should not be used as pawns in their game.
Remember, they are both imperfect and that means prone to mistakes and short-comings as we all are. DO NOT take sides...stay as neutral as possible. I feel so sorry for you sweetie....you have gotten some good advice here and I hope you will apply it....and don't forget to utilize the publications that we have on hand in the Kingdom Hall libraries. Have you spoken with an Elder or a mature Christian sister?
Perhaps that would soothe some of the hurt you and your sister are experiencing at this time.
I will keep you and your family in prayer.
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- spdj1401Lv 51 decade ago
Honestly I really don't know what to tell you as I haven't dealt with it myself. My parents have argued really badly before and talked about divorce, but with the help of Jehovah and the brothers and other friends they were able to work things out and stay together. But I do now how hard it is and how emotionally draining it can be for you to listen to the arguing. It feels like your world is completely falling apart. In a crowded room, you feel all alone because your thougths of misery comsume and overwhelm you. You want to just curl in a ball and cry and can't even explain or put in to words what you're feeling. . . . . Sound familiar?
Turn to Jehovah! There's nothing better to help you deal.
When the pressures and anxieties of everyday life
seem to be more than you can bear,
perhaps the only way to relieve your stress
is through the avenue of prayer.
Pray for strength and guidance
about whatever life throws our way,
so that Jehovah's laws and regulations
we do not throw away.
His laws and regulations help our life to ease
because they protect us from Satan’s snares.
This knowledge that we receive from God
shows us that he really cares.
He cares about us personally
on a level we may not understand.
But whenever we need him,
he gives us a helping hand.
This helping hand is what we need
to make our life much better.
It will help us make it to a place
of peace and harmony forever.
Wait for Jehovah
Life is a mix of highs and lows.
Ups, downs, and in betweens.
Days of smiles. Moments of tears.
Both of these you have seen.
You know the struggle
that Satan can create.
But don’t forget the benefits
that come if you wait.
Wait for Jehovah. He won’t let you down.
He’ll give you all the strength you require.
He’ll build you up and carry you along.
He will never allow you to tire.
So don’t give up. We can all make it through.
We have Jehovah as our biggest friend.
He’ll comfort and guide us and help us stay strong.
He’ll make sure we get through the end.
I will be praying for you and your family!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Am really sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time lately, you poor thing!
Don't really know what to tell you, to be honest.
Psalm 55:22, Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, And he himself will sustain you. Never will he allow the righteous one to totter.
Perhaps try reading The Young People Ask Book Volume Two, Chapter 24
What Should I Do if My Parents Argue?
The most i can do, is promise you that i will pray for you.
Please take care little sis. If you ever need to talk, am an email away.
Love you lots. xoxo
- debbie2243Lv 71 decade ago
Love both your parents equally.
It would break one of them's heart if you chose the other one.
Satan is active breaking up families. He puts enticements people cannot resist.
Your dad doesn't have Jehovah's protection andf guidance but he can be forgiven for whatever he's done.
We don't pull away from the truth unless we are so ashamed we can't face the brothers.
Pray for them...get the elders to talk to them.
Your mom needs all the support you and the friends can give her.
Marriage is good...they both need to try hard to get along
It's tough to be divorced...Not fun at all.
- 1 decade ago
It's sad that when two people who have children divorce and then proceed to think that the only people it effects is themselves. I am truly sorry you and your sister are having to go through this. I think as young as you are you need to be the adult here. Do you have a another relative, i.e. and aunt, uncle. grandparent that can sit down with both of them and explain that while it is most certainly their choice to divorce, that they have to realize that they have two children that they brought into this world, and no matter how they feel about each other, you, as their children love them both and are not picking sides. They have to be reminded that just because they don't get along for whatever their reasons to you they are mom and dad. They need to know that you have feelings and this break up is different for you as opposed to them. Right now, they need someone to tell them that all this feuding and fighting is having a affect on you and your sister who are in affect innocent bystanders. You should not have to go through all this drama. You have enough on your plate just dealing with two people whom you love and need suddenly going their separate ways and not even giving it a thought as to how it is affecting their children You are remarkably mature to bring this question out in the open. It shows you already possess more maturity than your parents. Don't get caught up, speak up and remind them that they are not the only two people being affected by this that you and your sister have feelings, fears and questions. They have to be reminded that at this point and time the world is not revolving exclusively around them and that their actions have a definate effect on those around them. Their decisions are altering peoples lives not just their own. Keep your head up as well as your prayers and good luck! I will be praying for you. and your family.
- ≈ nohglfLv 71 decade ago
I'm sorry to hear about what you and your sister are going through. Others who have posted above have provided good advice. I was looking through the Young People Ask book volume 1 (the blue one) and maybe when you have time you could read through chapter 4 (it has some relevant advice).
I hope you will have a more peaceful atmosphere soon.
- angelmusicLv 71 decade ago
Your parents do not have an appreciation for each other at this point. They are allowing other problems to cloud the issue.
It may be that a divorce/separation may help them see things in a better light. They may fondly remember things which made life easier and more pleasant for both of them.
It is not unknown for people to get a divorce and remarry after some time to ponder the whole situation from a step-back vantage point.
As for leaving the country - a year at your age seems like a long time. But believe you me, it is not. Time will fly if you should be absent from either parent.
Will staying with your Dad help your spirituality? Or going with your Mom? Only you can answer that, if there is a ready answer.
Is your Mom moving to another country to live with other relatives? Does she have a ready-made job? Will you need to work immediately? Could you save enough money to return in a short time? Would your Dad participate more in meetings, etc with your Mom gone?
Just a few things to think about.Source(s): One of Jehovah's Witnesses
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Oh my dear sister I did not know but now I understand why your questions lately have been so sad. There is good advice for young ones in situation like yours in the young people ask books volume 1 and 2 the thing that will get you through this situation is prayer and reliance on Jehovah. I don't know if your parents are Jehovah's witnesses also but be strong, be a good example of Jehovah's love to them. Satan is trying to pull every body he can down with him he knows his time is short don't let him get yo my Precious sister.
If you feel the need to chat you probably have hundreds of brothers and sisters you can contact but you can add me to that list if you wish
Warm christian love your sister in Australia Nikkii