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third chapter of my book...?

also needs heaps of editing!

Complexion:

Sunday 5:00pm

Why is my nose so big? And my skin? Why is it covered in blackheads, and pimples? Why dosent the cream work? Its been a month… no improvement…

I was looking into the mirror on my wall, and for the first time in a long time I let my self stress over my ugly complection… I had the most wild hair you have ever seen! I cant walk outside the house any more, without having it straightened, and all that dose, is keep it perfect for a whole 2 minutes, then it turns a little wavy at the ends, which is bad because I have layers. The only good thing about the hair on my head, is it is a lovely dark brown colour, that shines, when I brush it. My face is horrible! Pimples, blackhead, and a huge noise inherited from my bloody father! My eyes are a deep brown, but are retarted, and I need to wear glasses (not that I put them on anywhere but in my room) but im licky im not blind. My mouth is pretty good, anyone who pays enough attention to it would like it, although I haven’t met one person who didn’t concentrate on my ugly skin. I have been using cream for a little while now, to get rid of them, but it hasent cleared up as much as for me to stop wearing make up every time I wanna leave the house, way to embarrassing!

Why can’t I look like jess? She has beautiful blue eyes, and nice, but dark strawberry blonde hair. Her face is perfect, except for the occasional pimple. Although unlike me, jess’s body isn’t as toned as mine, she is very skinny, but she has no trace of muscle anywhere! I guess that is my best feature, my body… I have fabulous arms, but I don’t know how I got them, and my legs are described to be perfect, although I haven’t really given it much thought, like the others who apparently envy them. My stomach is one of the best though, it is thin, with no little bump, and I have a faint trace of abbs showing, but not like the big muscly women you see in the Olympics weight lifting, but more like a runners abbs, noticeable but not disgusting.

Naomi, is a very pretty girl, she has dark skin, like a brazilian, and she is also quite skinny, but not like jess. Her skin is utterly flawless, and she has a beauty spot above her lip. Her hair, is a chocolate brown colour, but she dyes it.

Anna is a small potiche girl, her hair is black, and her skin is like a dark creamy colour. But her best feature is her eyes, they are a brilliant green. She, like naomi is skinny, but no where as near as jess!

Christie is gorgeous! Her hair is like a golden, blonde and although she is quite tall, she is mousy. She is the only one (besides me) who has brown eyes, although her face isn’t as clean as the others, but you cant tell with the natural affect, shes perfected, with her make up. She has the most beautiful nose, mouth eyebrows, and eyelashes you have ever seen! And unlike the rest she has an interest in soccer, we are both on the team!

I could be pretty. There is no doubt in that. But im not! It would take some time before I could show my face, naturally, but if I did something to my hair, (rather than straightening it) it would make me a better stand out. I wish my eyes where green, like my sister, jose. She is really pretty, but not naturally. She dose her perfect hair, perfect! And her skin is clear! Her nose and mouth aren’t rite, but her eyes are green,and her eyebrows are the best. She spends about 2 hours getting ready, and once shes done putting her face on, she is gorgeous,as much as I hate to admit it.

Sunday 6:00pm

“come on crumpet, eat your dinner!” I stared at the beautiful golden dog before me, crumpet was beautiful, no doubt about it! she was huge though, compared to the mini little rats, people like Paris Hilton, declared to be there dogs. Crumpet was loving, and she only obeyed me, but something was rong today, she usually loved to eat. She wasent eating.

“common crumpy, its your favourite!” but she only stared back at me with deap beautiful brown eyes.

“ ok, but you have to eat before we go on walkies (walkies was crumpets word for a walk” as soon as the word came out, crumpet gobbled up every last bite, quite franclly I couldent believe it. And Jose thought he was dumb, HA!

thnxxx

Update:

thanks alot! this is only the third chapter (i posted 1 and 2 on aswell) i posted the really bad editing one on, just to get an idea on what you think of my book! i wanted to know if people like the idea, or think its just plain silly. thanxx and in future i wont post suck appaling, spelling thnxx

4 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Personally i think its amazing

    I love it, would carry on reading. Want more, needs to be longer.

    thanks for making my day with your brill writing.

    xxx

    from, your biggest fan.

    Source(s): Me.
  • 1 decade ago

    You could probably re-arrange the words in this one to make it flow a bit better and yeah your punctuation and grammar and stuff still needs a bit more tweaking with but it's still awesome!!!

    pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease let me help you edit it!!!

    tessabrownstripe@yahoo.com

    kgo!!! :D

  • Yvonne
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    Dont force her to read let it come to her i started reading in 3rd grade. The books that got me going were the Series of unfortunate events there really good

  • 1 decade ago

    WTF are u raving about?????

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